#wrong men

Why you attract all the wrong men

Do you feel like you’re attracting all the wrong men into your life? If so, you’re not alone. This is a super common complaint among women today. If you want to know what you can do about it so you can start attracting the RIGHT men, check out the video below:…

Every time I get out of a relationship I swear I will never deal with someone like that again. Do you ever say that? But I have a problem--I pick the wrong men. And it's not just that--I pick the same man...over...and over...and over. The package he comes in--short, tall, skinny, chubby, muscular, older, younger--may be different, but the inside is always the same. His views on life are the same. His lack of wanting to settle down, get a decent job, and his capacity of sheer laziness all seem to be common threads of all my dating partners. 

A while back I made a list of my dream man, and what's interesting is I never once wrote down "has dead-end job", "lives with parents", or "plays video games all the time".  In fact, none of those things ever crossed my mind as qualities I wanted in the man whom I was to pledge to spend the rest of my life with. So why, then, do I continue to choose these men? What is wrong with me? 

According to Rinatta Paries of thirdage.com, women tend to recreate their childhood relationships with their fathers by dating men who have the same qualities, be they good or bad. Women who felt neglected by their dads tend to date men who have no time for them, subconsciously thinking that by gaining that man's approval, it will heal old childhood wounds and give the feeling that their father really does love them. 

Having said that, I think I'm going to have to think long and hard about my relationship with my father. He has always been the hardest working man I've ever known, owned a house when he was 23, and has been successful in everything he's ever done. So far, no man I've dated has embodied all of those qualities. If they did, then I probably wouldn't have been so quick to dump them. I do, however, tend to date me who won't change, and I know that I had to change a lot for my father when I was a child, even without him knowing it. So maybe for me, the challenge is to find a man who is willing to change for me, instead of the other way 'round in order for me to "know" that man (and, in turn, my father) truly loves me? WOW--I should've paid more attention in psych class. Look out, ladies! We're going deep on this one...

However innate this subconscious dating practice may be, I think it's safe to say it doesn't work. If it did, then more women out there would be happy...and most of Freud's theories would be discounted. The only way to win in this type of dating scenario is if the other person changes. But as adults, we know better: 35-year-old men are pretty much set in their ways. And, because we can't change them, we continue to repeat the cycle of failing to heal those subconscious wounds by dumping that man and moving onto the next shiny new package with the same stuff inside. 

How do we get out of this cycle? Here is what Paries recommends: 

1. Understand what your motivation is in your relationships.

2. Spend an hour a day in silence to reflect on who you are and what you want. Make sure you meet your needs first.

3. Choose to be with people who are willing to grow. If you are currently with a person who won't grow with you, cut the cord; they are not meeting your needs now, and won't in the future. 

4. Be smarter about picking your partner: choose a man who wants to be with you beyond the honeymoon period. Sure, crushes are cute, but when the lust wears off, it's just you, him, and all of his little annoyances. 

Have you been avoiding heartache or running towards it? Sadly many women who don’t want bad relationships are doing the very things that lead them to be with the wrong men over and over again. But there are five things you can do to help you start avoiding heartache and bad relationships with the wrong men and start finding love with the right man. Read more…