#writtenaftermybedtime

(This was finished at like 1:30 in the morning.  I cannot vouch for its quality.)

---

It is actually 12:30 AM, in my internetless existence right now.  Instead of sleeping, I am watching Public Broadcasting, presenting The Fab Four: The Ultimate Tribute.  Which is a Beatles tribute band concert, filmed apparently for television.

Which is OK.  It’s weird, since you’re watching people pretending to be other people, which I would have to imagine makes these musicians endlessly fascinating.  Do they regret the moment they joined this cover band and forsook their more creative ambitions?  Or have they come to terms with the realities of the industry, and are just glad to play any kind of music while also putting food on the table?  They attempt to mimic each of the Beatles’ styles and mannerisms… do they take their characters home with them?   Do they have feuds/arguments in the vein of the original Beatles?  I would be delighted if there was a documentary on these type of tribute bands… which I would check were I not completely removed from the internet at the moment.  What a hard life.

And there’s strange cutaways to the audience having essentially the time of their lives.  (Is this even possible for a tribute concert?  There’s a girl that had something resembling tears during a performance of “Get Back.”  I mean, even if John Lennon and George Harrison rose from the dead in order to reunite the Beatles for a one-song performance in my backyard, if they ended up playing “Get Back” I wouldn’t feel much other than mild indifference.)

The worst part is that it’s during a membership drive.  Not because they’re interrupting every 15 minutes to convince you to give them money  (for only $200, I could see The Fab Four at the State Theatre with seats starting in the 4th row)… which is annoying in the usual public broadcasting way, which you build up a tolerance for if you happen to be lame enough to be subjected to a certain amount of them. 

The worst part is that the people who are interrupting this concert are HUGE DOLTS.  And it is 12:30 AM.  And I am awake.  And they are really aggravating me.

I mean, they’re probably pleasant people.  They’re also probably doing the best that they can, as they have to fill about 45 minutes trying to convince you to give them money, all based on the idea that you can’t get this content anywhere else.  Of course, this content is a performance of a Beatles tribute band… which most likely doesn’t have a huge ceiling in terms of audience.  Granted, it convinced me to watch, but still. 

But one of the hosts, an older gentleman, perhaps in his early 60’s, just talked about how he liked the early Beatles and the late Beatles, but that middle period was just “too weird.”  Now, you can debate the merits of that statement all you want (although if he includes Rubber Soul and Revolver in that middle period, then he shouldn’t be able to discuss music anywhere ever.)  But… I’m pretty sure he said that in an argument that you should buy the concert CD/DVD of this tribute performance.

He later said “as great as The Beatles are, they lose their impact on record without that visual of seeing them play.”

(All of these quotes are paraphrasing, of course… and it is by no means 100% accurate.  But the original intent is in place.)

The above statement is stupid, in my opinion.  I am finding it hard to articulate why it is stupid, but suffice it to say that on any given list of greatest songs of all time, you are bound to find a handful of Beatles songs ranked rather highly.  And they’re most likely not ranked that high because The Beatles bopping their heads around adds an essential part to the impact of the song.

This isn’t even close to being the dumbest thing I heard.

Another quote from the older gentleman host on how closely the mannerisms the tribute band match the Beatles: “These guys are great in how they effortlessly recreate these songs as they occurred live in concert.”  This is *right* after a block of songs from the Sgt. Pepper era… songs which, as far as I am aware, WERE NEVER PLAYED BY THE BEATLES IN ANY CONCERT EVER.  BECAUSE THEY STOPPED TOURING IN 1966.

There were two other hosts. One of them wasn’t so bad.  But the other host?  Goodness gracious.  My head hurts. 

I’m pretty sure she said this: “I know all of the Beatles’ songs by heart—I know when the cellos kick in, I know all the words to every song—and let me tell you, if I turn my head while watching this performance… I can’t tell the difference!”  YEAH, IF YOU ARE A HUGE DOLT.

THEN.  For God knows what reason, she decided it was Improv Night at the public television station, and decided to riff on classic Beatles tracks as it pertains to their little drive.  I am not getting it word for word, but… this is close.

“I was looking at the listing of the songs on this CD, they’re practically telling you to pledge!

‘Please Please Me?’ By pledging!

‘I Feel Fine?’ …because I pledged!

‘I Should Have Known Better’… than to not pledge!

‘Help!’ … us by pledging!

‘I Saw Her Standing There’… with her credit card in her hand!

‘Michelle?’ … *extremely long pause* she pledged!”

…

What the f***?

I had to listen to this.

Am I just extremely ornery when I am watching television late at night when I should be sleeping?  Could this actually not be *that* bad?  I mean… it’s pretty bad.  I might not be so enraged by everything if I were sleeping like a responsible adult… and again, they had to fill 45 minutes in an attempt to raise money for their TV station.  But… they could possibly fill those 45 minutes by saying things that are NOT THE THINGS THAT I HAVE WRITTEN ABOVE.