#writingheals

and I’m writing about you again

you. who always loved the autumn.

the golden auburn of the leaves

falling gracefully into your chestnut hair.

the sunset walks- dusk and dimming by 7 p.m.

the orange glow reflected among the streets

was heavenly, ethereal in your company.

I can’t help but think softly of you in it

elegant, ecstatic energy

skipping and parading beside me

as though these desolate lanes were our runway.

we would rendezvous in private- woodland crooks and crannies, between the sheets at the warm glow of candlelit nights, street corners kept our secrets safe.

sweet lips like cinnamon buns and pumpkin spice lattes and that soft admiration in your eyes- a childlike wonder- a twinkle that lit up at any and every magical opportunity as we explored the autumn-sprinkled city.

this time i may not have you.

but at least I’ll still have the memories.

- autumn glows as it burns brightly and fondly reminisces 

Natsukashii (adj.) Japanese | pronunciation- nahtzkah-shee

Meaning- Of the small things that take you back to a happy time; not a nostalgic feeling to return to the past but an appreciation of the good times. (https://justalittlejapanese.com)

While returning home after a long tiring day, you sit in a corner, connect your earphones and the music just hits you right, easing things for you just like a comfortable blanket wrapped around you.

Remember, the day before your exams, that you almost loose your nerves, your mom keeps calling you for lunch and you are almost on the verge of shouting, you see she cooked your favourite meal.

You know, you just performed on the stage and your adrenaline is still rushing high like a train, your teacher comes and gives you a tight hug and says, "You did great!"

That feeling when you are in a space encompassing unknown people and you rest your head on your best friend's shoulder and she slowly swirls around your hair.

How about the time when you made those little mental health and feel good notes after hours of surfing through pinterest and pasted in your room to make some days better or maybe bearable.

That bitter sweet feeling of taking the last bite of the food that you kept at the end. Just you and your food in silence.

When you go to someone's and they have a dog and you soon become each other's favourite, the dog hugs you, licks your face and sleeps on your lap and you go on talking about it for days on end, and yes that is a brag.

i shoved the reality

at the corner of darkness

for i alone

was never brave enough

to face the dark

i put my pain

the melancholy

on your palms

knowing you are aware

made me calm

i bottled all the tears

to show everybody

how much it hurts

and how much i cried

i embraced your presence

allowed myself to be dependent

when all along i knew

it won't last for long

my heart, aching true

my mind, in chaos with the thoughts of you

and then i burned myself down

when i lost you

i wrapped myself with bandages

took painkillers

that only numbed me

for taking much too much

and yet here is the pain

lingering in my veins

yet here is the pain

breaking me into pieces

i thought i was saved

when you rose from nothingness

filling in all

the empty spaces

but you only break me

even more.

I’m left grappling in my mind

Without the means to express

I feel trapped inside

The loneliness is crushing

with the weight of unsaid words

The silences scream out

wanting to pour out on paper

Feelings long to bleed in ink

And when finally my hand

touches the pen

My heart is drenched