#writingfur

E eu quero poder...fazer coisas, sabe? Eu quero viver um pouco além de passar meu tempo com fantasias de vingança dentro da minha própria cabeça, eu quero existir, eu quero escolher o que o corpo faz e como.

Se eu brotar amanhã, ou não, independente, eu já quero influenciar nossas decisões. Eu quero terminar meu trabalho atrasado, eu quero pintar coisas pro meu portfólio e enviar pra equipe do CPJ, eu quero passar tempo com as minhas esposas.

De certa forma, essa é minha coisa, apatia ao sofrimento é como eu sempre lidei com tudo que me ocorria, eu guardo minhas magoas e me afundo nelas em silêncio, eu me expresso de outras formas que eu não divido com ninguém pois ninguém pode me entender

Isso, até uns anos atrás

Faz muito tempo que isso não é mais verdade, eu sinto que não vi o tempo passar, mas eu sinto a mudança em mim eu me sinto... confortável, um pouco mais livre pra existir como bem entender...e isso tem me deixado sentir...algumas coisas as vezes, eu acho que não teria explodido na minha mãe daquele jeito se fosse alguns anos atrás

Irrelevante

O que importa agora é que, eu não preciso me conter, eu não preciso guardar magoas e ódios e céus eu ando sentindo tanto desconforto com esse corpo, essa femininidade que os outros adotam pro dia a dia, pra forma que as pessoas nos chamam e veem

O que eu daria pra poder existir separadamente disso

cold, unfeeling, on my skin

and that is something

i might never understand

but its what happens when you're around me

and, and then, the weather changed

the breeze, as chilling, as sin

"my arms are warm, won't you come in?"

i am not a moth

While I can

Tonight I'll dream of you

Hold my hand

Baby cows and growing trees

I won't forget

Your pretty eyes looked at me

Then we laughed

And as you go away

I'll love you dear, I love you dear

So I'll always say

I love deer, how I love deer

Deer'll find a way

To visit me, I'll see deer

As much as we need

Even if we are apart

I'll keep you near

IS THAT I COULD NEVER HURT HER

BUT I NEVER FEEL FOR HER CRIES

I WON'T CARE WHEN SHE DIES

SHE'S BEEN DEAD SINCE LONG AGO

WHEN SHE REVEALED HER TRUE EGO

YEAH I DIDN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER

BUT THE THING ABOUT MY MOTHER

IS JUST HOW KAREN REALLY DEFINES HER

AND SHE REALLY IS HER STAR SIGN

SUCH A STEREOTYPICAL GEMINI

TWO FACED CHILDISH LOUD-MOUTHED

EVIL LIER DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED

SHE HIDES IT WELL SHE'S A GASLIGHTER

SO THAT'S THE THING ABOUT MY MOTHER

AND OF COURSE I PREFER MY FATHER

BUT ITS NOT LIKE I CAN SAY THAT

THEY ALL ALREADY HATE THE WAY I ACT

I TRY TO PRETEND EVERYTHING'S FINE

BECAUSE WHENEVER I DRAW THE LINE

SUDDENLY I'M THE FAMILY'S MONSTER

AND GUILT-FREE GOES MY MOTHER

ARMS WAITING FOR ME TO LOVE HER

I JUST HAVE TO SWALLOW MY TRAUMA

AND FEEL THE EMBRACE OF A HYDRA

FOREVER GROWING AROUND ME

DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHY SHE'S SORRY

I SWEAR I DIDN'T WANT IT NEITHER

IT'S JUST WE ARE NOT THINGS, MOTHER

I WON'T MANAGE LIKE THIS ANY FURTHER

I NEED SPACE TO HEAL MY HEAD

WHY WON'T YOU RESPECT THAT?

WHY DOESN'T ANYONE RESPECT THAT?

IT MAKES ME WISH I WAS FUCKING DEAD!

I'M NOT A CHILD ANY LONGER

SO STOP TREATING ME LIKE THAT MOTHER

ALL YOU'RE DOING IS MAKING ME SUFFER

AND THAT GOES FOR EVERYONE I MEET

YOU'RE ALL JUST SO FUCKING ABLEIST

I AM DISABLED BUT I'M NOT HELPLESS

I'M THE ONE WHO KNOWS MYSELF BEST

LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE YOU FUCKERS

THE THING ABOUT MY MOTHER

IS THAT NOTHING I SAY GETS THRU HER

I REPEAT SHIT TWO THREE MANY TIMES

JUST DON'T GET WHAT'S ON HER MIND

FEELS LIKE TALKING TO A WALL

AND THEY SAY I CAUSED IT ALL

BUT THEY SIMPLY DON'T REMEMBER

OH THE THINGS YOU DID MOTHER

THE LIST GOES ON FOREVER

YOU YELLED, BLAMED ME FOR IT ALL

LIKE MY NEEDS WERE FALSE

I GOT KICKED OUT OF THE CLOSET

YOU GAVE ME THE SILENT TREATMENT AND YET

I WAS THE ONE WHO PUSHED YOU AWAY MOTHER???

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MOTHER!

FUCK OFF!

THE THING ABOUT MY MOTHER

IS THAT I CAN'T ""FORGIVE"" HER

WHEN NO ONE RECOGNIZES HER MISTAKES

PRETENDING WITH SMILES SO FAKE

THAT NOTHING HAPPENED BETWEEN US

AND OH I'M JUST BEING UNJUST

FOR HAVING A NORMAL HUMAN REACTION

TO RAPID ANGRY TO LOVING TRANSITIONS

PUT YOURSELF IN MY PLACE PLEASE

HOW CAN ANYONE FEEL AT EASE

WHEN SOMEONE CHANGES SO OFTEN

LIES, MANIPULATES AND THEN SOFTENS

I SWEAR I'M NOT FUCKING UNREASONABLE

I'M SO TIRED THIS IS A NEW LOW

YEAH I'VE GOT MOMMY ISSUES

CAN YOU REALLY BLAME ME THOUGH?

I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED

WITHOUT ALL THE FAKE BLOOD

RUNNING DOWN

YOUR EYES