How to Bite Your Neighbor & Win a Wager is a slow-burn romance novel by D.N. Bryn, that also happens to include side-plots regarding vampire rights and committing espionage against an evil pharmaceutical company.

“Wesley didn’t tell his legs to move, but neither did he tell his lungs to breathe or his heart to beat. They did so because they were born to, and he was born to run into Vincent’s arms.”

This quote occurs very late in the book, but I feel it perfectly describes the dynamic chemistry and slow burn relationship Wesley has with Vincent. Also, I didn’t think it was possible for two characters to be so horny and yet so wildly oblivious.

This book was fantastic. I got the horny, vampire fantasy that I bought the book for, but I also received the gradual build to a true, romantic relationship between Wesley and Vincent, as well as an enthralling mystery about the shady pharmaceutical company, Vitalis-Barron, that pretty much owns the town. 

Without spoiling anything, I want to touch on some key things I really liked about the book. For example, I really liked how morally grey Wesley’s character is, as Kendall, his best friend, describes it. His whole character arc as well is very satisfying as he comes to terms with a lot of his trauma and learns to redeem himself. 

I liked all of the meta/self-referential moments in the book in the form of comics and video games, and how it was made a part of the world-building instead of being too jokey or fourth wall breaking. The same thing about the true villains, Vitalis-Barron - it wasn’t too jokey, no “dur-hur evil pharmaceuticals” - no man these people are evil and have a deep rooted history in being evil, as most corporations do. 

The world-building and the politics about being a vampire in general and how vampires live on thin, marginalized lines on the edge of society was also incredibly well done. I love books that take classic vampire myths and decide what to keep and kill from them, as well as recontextualizing them with what it may look like today in a more modern society. Vincent’s experience being a vampire and a semi-closeted gay man explores a lot of what that would look like, but also draws an excellent parallel that gives poignant insight on what it is like to be disabled and LGBTQIA+ in today’s society. I’m sure this was an on-purpose parallel done by the author, and it was incredibly well done.

One more excellent thing D. N. Bryn does with the storytelling is how the miscommunication as a romance trope is executed in a way that is believable and moves the story along. Each character has an incredibly valid, albeit dubiously ethical reason to not tell each other what they really want to. I never once felt taken out of the romance, the intrigue, or the suspense of the plot by the miscommunication issues. It was so well done, I had to put the book down and calm down at the blowup/reveal point, because of how stressed out I was about it.