#wow.........

At this point I think hori just looked through some middle school posts and was like ah! I can do better! And thus uas educational system was born

I want a boyfriend, and no it’s because I’m lonely during the pandemic. I want a boyfriend, because I want to feel the euphoria that comes with being in love or liking a someone mutually. My parents are strict and at some point in my young adult I chose that I have to do whatever it takes to please them. So I worked my ass off on the last two years of high school, but I realized it was too late for me to become a better student so I became one in college. I knew that even if I did persue a relationship with someone, if my parents found out about it they would be disappointed, not mad, but disappointed. The older I became I realized that I’m not actually scared of my parents punishming me when I do smth wrong, but I’m actually scared to disappointing them. This pandemic came along and I realized something, whatever I do to please them there will always be something that they don’t like about me. I become apart of the deans list, not enough because I’m still not at a 4.0. I never had any secret relationships or went out too often or too late, but that backfired because it somehow fueled my social anxiety and made depressed,making my parents think I’m lazy and I don’t care about anything in life. I tried to take care of myself visually by dieting and treating my acne, that also backfired because I spiraled into an eating disorder and started becoming way to self-conscious about my looks. My parents got pissed at me for that too and actually still are, because apparently I still don’t properly take care of myself. But now I’m ready to change, maybe this pandemic was a way to show the real side of toxicity of always wanting to please others, and now that I know it I’m going to try to go into the new year or whenever this pandemic is over as a different person, I’m going to create relationships (I’m going to get that boyfriend), I’m going make more friends and hangout with old ones, loving myself inside and out will be a challenge because I have a lot of trauma when it comes to my looks, but I know once I learn to love myself I can start creating romantic relationships with people. It’s seven a.m. where I live, and I woke up at six today. I haven’t had breakfast yet, and maybe it’s the cold winter night that got me so depressed when I first woke, so I might be spurring nonsense right now, but these are my true feelings at this moment. I’m not lying one bit.

HOW DO YOU TRAGICALLY DIE ?