#worthathousand

As salaam alaykum, A picture is worth a thousand words ? But how much is a thousand words worth today ? #SaabirAbdullah #&Company #worthathousand (at Atlanta, Georgia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CKwAxJYMfcf/?igshid=8vkn7lis7brh

i did a thing today: https://instagram.com/p/BIEhvGUg8DG/ but, let's back up. as soon as i saw it, i knew I had to do it. i had to submit something. i had to CREATE something. so, i told folks. to keep me accountable. so i wouldn't back out. so anxiety wouldn't pull me out. and oh, how it pulled. monday was shoot day. as the hours crawled by, the jitters ate at me like anxious ants. i pondered many ways to escape it; many excuses to get out of it. oh, my period came. i'm cramping and a director shouldn't be cramping during her shoot no matter how feminist she is. on the way to the set, i whipped up one last excuse. you're a hack. you're not good enough. there's a reason why your shit has a 100% film festival rejection rate. i did it anyway. tuesday came along and i had to edit. i sat outside near the lagoon with macdaddy, as i cut and threaded, cut and threaded. i opened my food container and cut my thumb. and. i. internally. freaked. out. omg, my thumb is cut, nothing is going right, that must mean i should just toss this idea right out the window!!! maybe i shouldn't. i did anyway. tonight, I finished up the final edits, toggling back and forth to get it to a perfect 60 seconds. one clip here; one clip there. heart pounding to the beat of the soundtrack. i juggled with the from-mac-to-instagram kerfuffle and uploaded it and... ... my heart stopped. i started shaking with the kind of euphoric release that songbirds croon about. i jumped around my room because i did it. i had beat anxiety. i had beat fear. fuck them both. ^_^