#wmlife

It’s also this amazing woman’s birthday! Thank you for all you have done for me- discovering my voice and so many things about who I am as a person, what it would take for me to succeed, how to find the passion in every single thing I can do and so much more. You have helped so many of us on this musical journey and this journey of life, and we are so lucky to have you. Every show I perform now, I can hear you saying, “remember your alignment. Where’s your placement? Relax.” 😂 Love you so much! 💕💕💕 #mamamuffin #WMlife

I read Shakespeare to my freshman classes every day- because everyone needs a little more poetry in life. Plus- for selfish reasons- I get to read a loud to people who have no choice but listen. #shakespeare #sonnets #composition #teachersofinstagram . . . #tuesdaytips #english #wahmlife #wmlife #teacherlife #freshman #podcaster #lovleyday

Happy Birthday to my incredible teacher! I'm thankful to have such an encouraging, inspiring and faithful mentor in my life. Thank you for all that you do! #mamamuffin #WMlife #divastatus (at Hattiesburg, Mississippi)

.…………slipped………… I was much more enthusiastic about my journey. Im slipping back to the person I was: Slave to the flesh and in need of some sort of attention to fill this loneliness. At this point, Im trying to cut all ties with people that dont aid my growth. At the same time, I hardly talk to people and I feel like I should surround myself with more people, better ones. Everything is so confusing. Its like God first and everything else. But, Im drowning here!

A must read!

Consciously declaring to stop my bad habits has been great. Feeling like my relationship with God is better. But it hasn't all been good. Some days I'm left so discouraged with so much doubt in my mind that: 1. How long will this last till I fall back to my bad habits? 2. Will God even accept/forgive me again? Answers: 1. I have no idea. I feel so weak and it's a constant battle to remind myself of how far iv come and why I want this for myself. It's so hard with temptations here and there and Im say No at first, so boldly. Then I begin to question this No. With doubt that this won't last. A battle of my mind body and soul. I have to remind myself, the only person I need is God. Sometimes it's hard to convince myself but I know it's true. 2. This is a silly question. But it's like how many times can I be forgiven for the same thing? It's a cry of doubt/shame/regret, as to my own strength on this journey. I know, I'll be forgiven but yet it's like how much pain would I want for myself and God. These questions plague me on my weak days. For me it's so scary and I worry but then it's all about the journey. It's all about my growth and I'm trying so hard. With positive thoughts, prayers and my frequent cries "Jesus Save Me " , I overcome each day with God. For that I am grateful and wiser.

There is always a withdrawal stage in something you were deeply invested in. The point where everything or anyone tries to pull you back to the position you once slept in. Filled with: 1. shame as to my past life 2.weakness as to not being strong enough to overcome all temptations 3. fear that I'm not strong enough and would disappoint God. At my weakest, I'm left to contemplate why I should remain with God or go back to the past life. How deserving am I of Gods love? Can't I go back and seek God another time, when I'm strong enough? I lay her contemplating and praying to God to help me. The journey is never easy but it is always rewarding. I was reminded last night - sparing you details of this horrid dream I had, that kept me awake all night and scared for my soul - that this journey I am making is not to be taken lightly. There is so much man can see as man but with God our eyes are opened to the things above this world we live in. It's a battle I ought to take seriously. It's a battle between God and the Devil. A child of God is always a child of God. Gods love is always eternal and through Him and with Him I can conquer it all. In need of Bible verses to keep me strong, motivated and positive, I came across: Psalms 23 v3-5: "He gives me new strength. He guides me in the right paths, as he has promised. Even if I go through the deepest darkness, I will not be afraid, Lord, for you are with me. Your shepherd's rod and staff protect me" Psalms 70. v5: "I am weak and poor; come to me quickly, O God. You are my saviour, O Lord - hurry to my aid!" Psalms 145 v2, v13-14, v20: "I will praise you for ever and ever" " The Lord is faithful to his promises and he is merciful in all his acts. He helps those who are in trouble; he lifts those who have fallen "He protects everyone who loves him" These gave me positive thoughts and strength to carry on: The Lord is my shepherd, He is with me always. I am weak and I need His help. I should always call for His help. I will praise Him forever in good and in bad times for He is my strength. He is all that I am. With Faith, Hope and Love of God, I can do this!

One thing about my journey is realising my flaws and changing them. A new way of life. Currently upon reflection I find my flaw to be sexual desires. It started off at a young age being influenced by what I watched, read and did. I was consumed with the thought that life was basically a promiscuous lifestyle to enjoy. I really looked forward to it. At the same time I was becoming aware of my religion and it's view on adultery fornication etc outside of marriage. This changed my view. Hence, no sex till marriage. You think you have it under control till you find yourself indulging im every desire of your body. Let's be honest, I'm attractive. I know it. You know it. It's not hard to get what I want. It got to the point where I could only relate with males through a certain behaviour like conversations and intimacy. At first I thought it was pretty okay, after all, he likes me and I do. I failed to realise it wasn't even about like but that of lust. Every guy from a certain time wanted the same old thing 'sexual relationship' nothing else. Months went by from one person to another and I'm there thinking it's pretty normal. This one didn't work out maybe the next will. I'm there hoping for the best with these guys and all they want is your body and never your soul. I'm hurting in different ways. Ashamed and in pain for it took so long to realise what was happening and to pull myself out of it. Sin is a crazy thing. I became a slave to my body. The pleasures I got. I built relationships based on this and all crumbled every damn time. My foundation was weak and I was foolish. I can't regret it. Iv lost alot but iv gained so much. I know what I need for myself and what to look for in others. It's hard with invitations still coming in but I know what I want and I'm ready to fight for it. I just need God. I need happiness. I'm still trying to forgive myself for the pain I felt and still feel. It's a process. Aynt nothing like self harm. I'm currently living by the words: "We need to discipline our feelings, our curiosity, and our imagination."