#wizardbaby

tonight at safeway, i was in line to buy something and a pair of middle aged women were a couple people behind me. they were talking quietly, but my hearing has gotten pretty rad. as i was chatting with the cashier, she asked about the baby, and i gave her a little update because we had briefly talked about it before. as i was rooting through my bag to find my debit card, i heard one of the women say "that girl is mighty young to be pregnant" and without looking up from her magazine, her friend replied "probably couldn't figure out the condom" and they laughed to each other. to be honest, i wanted to yell at them and ream them out and defend myself, because that's what i would have done. but, this pregnancy, everything that's happened and continues to happen, all the stress and depression, has kind of kicked my ass into a weak version of me. so i turned red, paid as quickly as i could, and held it together till i hit my car. at which point i broke down in a really embarrassing way. i want to say this is the first time, but in reality it was just the worst of the bunch. it was the cruelest. i get looks and subtle comments at work all the time, and they fuck me up too. just, cumulatively and generally at three am after i've already woken up crying (unfortunately frequent occurrence). the sooner i can meet what's holding me together, the happier i'll be.

i've gotten a few messages asking about names and stuff since the one i answered last night. i said i didn't have a boy name but last night i guess i had a dream or something, because i woke up with a boy's name as well. it's looking like aoibheann iliza or finnigan wayde, if the dad likes them as well.