I swear that finals simultaneously makes us the most human and most inhuman we ever are.
Because you might really love what youāre studying! And itās such a struggle to be pulling late nights, burning out, tired eyes and a tired mind and the cold setting in earlier and earlier these days. Itās a lot. Especially when you want to enjoy the projects youāre doing, know youāre capable of it, but the exhaustion just takes away your capacity to love the work. Itās a helpless feeling, and it wears you down like nothing else.
But also, the little moments just get so much sweeter. When your breaks are shorter, you have to squeeze more goodness into them. And so breaks from work are for important things. Theyāre for making peppermint hot chocolate with marshmallows in it, and every moment youāre making the drink is a moment youāre not workingāso you savor the ritual of the stirring the mint in your cup, of measuring the chocolate, watching the marshmallows bob. Breaks are for sleep, and it feels so nice to get in bed, to be warm, when December rattles your windows. Early mornings are a distant thought when itās 3am and your sheets are soft. And breaks are for dancing with your roommates, impromptu, all of you in pajamas. And even if none of you know how to dance, and youāll be back to work in a song or two, and itās so so late at night, itās good. Maybe youāre a little too burnt out to call it feeling alive, but you feel human, and you think thatās almost as good.
