Jul 5
hmm maybe the mortifying ordeal of being known is necessary to get what you want
#personal#ignore me#thinking about cole and how he never speaks up and i was like am i any better and im not really#like i can speak up when im upset in the moment but im so invested in figuring out specifics of how i feel that i end up making myself sick#with obsession#and if i were more honest with myself it would be simpler#and like im very upset at how he handled our situation but if i werent too embarrassed of myself to be vulnerable in the first place then#maybe we would still be somethkng#it does no good to sit and think about what could have been though#so now i get to sit and be in love with him and do nothing about it and hope that someday i do get to have a boring stable job#that i earned thru hard work and a house ina bikable area with a garden and someone i can come home to every day bc i think thats all i want
