#wisebeard

"You can't need someone, that's not healthy. You can only want someone in your life." 

When the guy said this, I was thrown. At first I struggled with the idea that he'll never need me. That there will never be a point where losing me will hurt him more than he could stand. That I would probably end up needing him, and that he wouldn't ever feel the same. That loving someone was equivalent to needing them. 

But then I really started to think about things. I thought about the last relationship I was in, and how much I thought I had loved the guy, how much I thought I had needed him. I'm not trying to discount how huge that relationship was, I really, truly, loved him, but had I needed him? After taking a step away from the situation, and realizing how awful he was for me, the answer was a very clear and apparent no. I hadn't really needed him, and thinking I had was a very very unhealthy mental state to have been in. 

And then, I thought about Seansy. About how going a few days without talking to him feels like I'm missing a half of my person. How we click in ways that no one else really understands. But then I thought about how he's lied to me, how he's done things that have left me wondering what the hell I'm doing talking to him. How there are times when I feel so left out by him that it physically hurts me. Or at least it used to. I love the kid, I absolutely adore him. I think he's one of the best human beings on the planet, but since moving home, I've realized that I don't need him either. Not really. I would miss him, I want him around, but if he wasn't, I could survive.