#wisdellstarter

One time when I was in high school, someone asked me why I was so nice to people who treat me bad, and I didn't know the answer. Then during one of my classes, I  looked around after finishing my test and I realized why. I looked at the boy who made fun of my inability to do math, and his head was on the desk and he looked tired. I know he played in the band, so he had to be at school early, and I wondered if he had something at home keeping him up or maybe it was the amount of classwork teachers assigned. I looked at the girl who returned my hellos by snapping her gum and twisting her hair. I knew her and her boyfriend broke up, and I wondered how hard it must be to have everyone concerned about your business. He could probably be a jerk, and I knew that she only acted dumb in class so people would like her. And I thought about the boy in PE who picked me last for teams, how he squinted at his paper and furrowed his eyebrows. It must be a lot of work always practicing, and then also having to get good grades and go to college. And then there was also the girl who everyone thought was really mean to everyone, but little did she know I saw the scars on her wrist, and then there is the girl who is always reading, and I wondered what she got from those books or if she is running from something. And there is the boy who always wears that shirt and I knew his shoes had holes in them because when it rains he complains about wet socks, and I wonder if his parents work hard for him or if they drink a lot and I wondered if he feels outcast because he has so little. And the other boy who just moved here from Mexico, and he didn't speak a lot of English, and I can only imagine learning this stuff in a new language. And even the teacher, I noticed he wasn't wearing his wedding ring that day. Maybe he is giving us more work and more homework because he wants us to do better than he did. The point is, I looked at all these people and realize that they have their own troubles and their own demons, and the last thing I want to do is add to them. It's a lot of pressure growing up, and no matter what anyone says, none of us have it easy.

There have been a thousand moments I have taken for granted — mostly because I’ve always assumed that there will be a thousand more. Helping the nurses today, made me realize how those kids, they take every moment in and appreciate it. They don't take a single thing for granted.

In that moment, I swore, I was Tatiana Maslany.

I don’t want a boyfriend. I want someone who laughs into kisses and stays in bed an extra hour with me every morning. Ooh, and buys me Chinese food when I'm on my period and cries in front of me and lets me cry in front of them. Someone I can take quiet baths with or have shower fights with and someone I can just be completely me around. To be honest, I don't care how corny it sounds, I just wanna find a soul mate.

Everyone who terrifies you is sixty-five percent water and everyone you love is made of stardust. I know sometimes you cannot even breathe deeply, and the night sky is no home, and you have cried yourself to sleep enough times that you are down to your last two percent, but nothing is infinite, not even loss. You are made of the sea and the stars, and one day you are going to find yourself again. 

Remember when everyone was freaking out over the world ending, those were the days man.

Make 2014 about you, remove toxic relationships from your life! Workout if you want to, don’t if you don’t want to! Learn new things! Make a new friend! Buy that cute sweater! Find a hobby that makes you happy and frickin' rock it! Go for long walks outside! Do something 2013 you would be proud of!

I don't even remember last night, that's actually fucking wonderful.