Just Water?
I try and look at life through the lens of reality. I accept that I might not be viewed as normal by some. I assume those people have the problem. I have neighbors who love lawn care. Quite honestly to the point of being weird about it. I caught them talking to one of their shrubs a while back. I teased them and got the response "Perhaps if you talked to your yard it might look nicer". I told them that I tried it once and only the weeds listened. (Take that Jerks!) I am happy that better weather is within sight. I love Spring. But I do admit the cold weather makes for fewer commuter conflicts. It's hard to give the finger when you're wearing mittens. I had a situation come up the other day that was weird. We were invited to friends to visit and have a bite to eat. As we got ready to put on the feed bag they mentioned how they only had water to drink. Yep, no coffee, iced tea or soda. Nope, just water. Fine, I'll have a bottled water. They said; "No, just tap water and they had no ice." Who serves just tap water for guests? Maybe in Africa, but nowhere else. Let's be honest, Tap Water with no ice sucks. My wife gave me her famous stern face(She also would have kneed me if she'd been closer.) which means "Keep quiet and don't make a crack about the beverages." Listen I'm not Mr. Fancypants. I don't mind eating off paper plates. I'm comfortable with the 3-second rule for dropped food. Where I grew up it was more like a 3-minute rule. My small community didn't have a movie theater. We would do hand shadows on the side of a cow. But really, Tap Water is the house beverage? I would have picked up a two-liter bottle of something. Not a big deal. I'd have even tossed a pack of kool-aid in my pocket and we could have dressed up the tap water. But no one thought of that. I didn't say anything. I was good. As we were driving home I mentioned to my wife how wasn't it impressive how I held my tongue and made no smart ass comments? She said; "Yes, thank you. I wish you could have done that at the holiday party a couple months ago." To make a long story short we attended this party filled with hoity-toity people at a Country Club. My lady was invited and of course, I was her plus one. This group of upper crusts was talking some religious mumbo-jumbo(Boring!) that I wasn't really paying attention to. One guy tossed out something about how it all started in the Garden of Eden. My wise-crack switch flipped and I spoke up and said; "From my studies of the Bible, scholars do believe they know why Eve took a bite of the forbidden apple. An older lady asked what did they say? I said: "Because it looked more appealing than Adams Banana. I spent days groveling trying to make my wife stop being angry. I for one meal could handle a little tap water. No matter how weird I thought it was.
