#winterlethoughts

Something about Tribios being the first demigod, the first one who ran towards the world’s agony, the first one willing to bear the burden of the chase, to feel endless despair and suffering over time, to watch herself lose companions over time, to watch herself lose her memories and parts of herself over time, to have seen nations fall again and again over time and feel helpless regardless of her powers. Something about Tribios being a teacher who outlives her students, watching them fall one by one, something about her willing to sacrifice her entirety and regress over time for the sake of Amphoreus -

Something about Aglaea sacrificing her humanity for the sake of Amphoreus, something about her being a weaver, a manipulator, a pupeteer - yet allowing herself to become a puppet of the prophecy herself. Something about her deep love for the world driving her to accept the price of salvation, willing to taint her golden heart in red, all for the beautiful and romantic future she weaves with her golden threads that she knows she’ll never see -

Something about Mydei losing everything - his childhood, his people, his family, his friends, his home, yet remaining kind and compassionate, holding on tight to his principles. Something about Mydei being a warrior of both his mind, body and soul, carrying the weight of his people’s fate, worried that with his bloodied crown, he would make his people drown in a sea of blood. Something about Mydei being afraid that the power he wields would one day hurt the people he cares for, instead of protecting his home. Something about Mydei cradling his heart with such intensity so that he may not lose his humanity and love -

Something about Castorice being unable to shed off the heavy shadow of death that isolates her from others, something about her keeping her heart warm and kind, despite the darkness that looms around her and the fear that surrounds her name. Something about Castorice’s affection for life, her warm embrace of lost souls in the dark, her perserverance to retain what is beautiful about life all around her body; Something about her desire to turn death into a peaceful embrace for others, cradling her sorrow for the end of life alongside the miracle of life. Something about her distancing herself from others to keep everyone safe, embracing others from a distance -

Something about Phainon losing his home and his people, something about him losing his childhood and innocence, then brought up onto the stage to carry the weight of the world when he has yet to experience all that life has to offer. Something about Phainon putting on a mask, wearing a blank slate, taking on whatever identity and role he can take, as long as he can help ease the suffering of others. Something about him hanging on to a thin thread, trying not to lose himself to despair, hatred and revenge, trying to believe that he has what it takes to be the world’s hero, the world’s hope, the world’s ’Deliverer’. Something about Phainon’s sensitive heart hoping that he has what it takes to deliver to the world what they expect of him. Something about Phainon opening his arms wide with a smile to take in what humanity has given to him to carry and protect. —

Something about Anaxagoras being a ‘fool’ to hold such defiance against the prophecy that promises salvation at the cost of dooming them all. Something about his compassion for the people and the world, pushing him to reach for a miracle, even at the cost of his own soul, that will save everyone better than the prophecy. Something about his persistent fight for humanity’s freedom and salvation, something about his belief that humanity can rise and reach their true potential. Something about Anaxagoras embodying the essence of reason intertwined with life, allowing his empathy and humane values form the foundation of his reason that brings him forward -

Something about all the Chrysos Heirs that we have seen so far who have sacrificed so much. Something about humans forced to take on the mantle of demigods, humans who carry so much hope and love for Amphoreus, humans who are willing to do what it takes to find salvation -

Something about the beautiful Chrysos Heirs and how they reflect humanity’s persistence despite the chaos of life makes my heart feel heavy with both grief and hope.

—-

I know it’s a running gag that the Kremnoan language lacks a lot of words for some of the more emotional, ‘heartfelt’ or ‘vulnerable’ things such as ‘romance’ or ‘fear’ or ‘weakness’ or ‘chickening out’ (I forgot how many words they’ve mentioned, or if I actually quoted the right words) etc. + Taking into consideration all the jokes between Phainon and Mydei on the words that aren’t in the Kremoan language/dictionary.

But if you think about it, even in real life, language reflects a culture; it is deeply intertwined with society, impacted by its own culture and values, and in turn, influences society again, like a cyclical influence. Perhaps to the Kremoans, the most important language (a form of expression) is not through words but through actions.

Why do they need a word to express their love, their fear, their anger, their hatred, their pain, their sorrows - when they can show it through action or through battle? Of course, considering how their main values are strife, strength and dominion, it is inevitable that action/battle takes precedence before all else. But think about it: Fight for glory, for love of their nation, for protection, for pride, for honour, for fear; Sacrifice for something greater than themselves, for family, for friends, for the future.

Just like how Gorgo sacrificed herself for her son, how Mydei’s parents understood each other through battle, how Mydei himself shows his care and love for his people through his choices and actions -

Although Mydei is a man of few words, anybody can tell that he has one of the warmest, gentle and kindest nature. He doesn’t need words to show people that he cares for them, he doesn’t need words to express his fears, he doesn’t need words to convey his anger and values. Anybody can tell who he is just by looking at the choices and actions he has made. In my opinion, he is one of the most authentic and genuine person we’ve seen so far. Many characters we’ve seen so far have their own secrets, masks, agendas - but with Mydei? He may speak less than the others, he may not easily say words that are ‘emotional’ or ‘weak’, and he may seem harsh on the outside, but you can definitely feel his warmth, concern, and care without his words.

There may be no words for expressing certain emotions or vulnerabilities in the Kremoan language, but that’s likely because the Kremnoans are people who speak the language of action. That’s also what makes Mydei himself + his relationship with all the other Chrysos Heirs, his people and companions so compelling. You can read into his relationship and feelings for others well beyond his words, and you can read into his true values and principles. You can see what he fights for, what he’s scared of, when he’s willing to seek help and guidance, when he respects others - with Mydei, you don’t need words to know he trusts you.

For Mydei, he has shown his love for the people and Amphoreus by fighting the black tide, protecting the citizens, giving advice to others, supporting the children, cooking his food, supporting his companions, trusting his friends -

To Mydei, words aren’t required to express himself, and perhaps, words aren’t enough to express just how much he cares.

People sometimes look at me thinking that I’m simply ‘obsessed’ over the creative arts such as stories, characters, art, music, poetry, movies, games (yes I consider them an art form but that’s a story for another time) etc.. I understand why it’s easy to believe that I have characters on my wallpaper ‘just because’ I like them. There is nothing wrong with admiring characters simply because they’re cool or enjoy stories because they bring you joy. However, what frustrates me is how often people overlook WHY people like me care about the creative arts, and how easy it is that others undermine the deeper value and insights we gain from these stories, these characters, and the more abstract arts.

Creative art forms are often a microcosm of the world filled with the creator(s)’s own soul(s), coloured with the reflections of humanity - a beautiful, yet sometimes horrifying mosaic of our dreams, our nightmares, and our nature. It expresses what cannot be easily conveyed or rationalised. It is a form of wisdom meant to be felt viscerally and experienced, a unique form of communication that transcends time, diversity and logic. Just like other forms of knowledge and wisdom, this too, requires practice and learning to fully appreciate and grasp. However, unlike other disciplines, the creative arts is perhaps the most versatile due to its nature, with some of the greatest pieces bearing the capability of creating waves amongst people by touching their hearts and by caressing what makes us human.

For those of us who lack guidance and support in life, the creative art forms such as books, art, music and even games can help enlighten and educate us when others can’t. Yes, fiction is fiction, and non-fiction may be filled with biases or flawed views, but it can still be a lighthouse for those who seek light, and an anchor to those who are lost wandering about. There is much to gain, be it empathy, open mindedness, soft knowledge, resilience, discipline etc. from these creative art forms. It can encourage others to learn how to develop critical thinking skills, and to develop their own opinions and perspectives after digesting various truths and angles of the world. Of course, it is important to separate fiction from reality, and understand what can be applied in the real world, and what cannot. But the protection and guidance it brings cannot be undermined. As someone who sought solace in literature, music, art, dance, poetry etc. they have each formed a big part of who I am, and in shaping the values, principles, priorities, choices and ideals I hold in life. I have also gained numerous advice, mindsets and encouragement from them as I tackle the challenges of life. I found comfort in the creator’s message - in their embrace, in their message to me, in their experiences. I also found companionship in their arms, in knowing that I wasn’t alone in thinking certain ways, in feeling certain emotions, in hoping for certain ideals, in fearing various demons. It also inspired me to see how much effort creators put in their works to accurately convey their insightful thoughts, feelings and messages. How could I go through books, listen to music, look at art, without allowing myself the privilege and honour to thoroughly go through these works that are soaked in the blood, sweat and tears of the creators? Call people like us obsessed for spending time to dismantle these works, but it is through effort in understanding these arts, in creating these arts, that we can slowly gain wisdom from them.

There is nothing wrong in enjoying the creative arts as they are, without breaking them down into pieces to digest its value and wisdom, and applying it to your life. I often find myself using the creative arts as an outlet to escape reality and to express myself, but the wisdom of the arts is too often overlooked for the other disciplines. It saddens and frustrates me to see people think of art as a simple thing, that there is nothing to be gained out of art. But tell me, if there really is nothing to be gained in the creative arts - why has it lasted this long? Why can people still shed tears, or laugh in joy, when faced with these beautiful art forms? Why should there be this rigid hierarchy in disciplines where certain knowledge rank higher than others? Isn’t life too complex to be held onto such a strict standard where certain ‘skills’ and ‘knowledge’ are said to be ‘closer to truth’, and ‘closer to wisdom’ than others?

Is it not a form of wisdom itself to express one’s complex emotions with such clarity? To convey a message so powerful that these pieces would get banned? To spark a flame that would move a society? To become a mirror that reflects humanity better than any logic or science can convey? How can we easily overlook the effort, the time, and the skills it took, to create such complex and beautiful pieces that can move us in ways others can’t?

Of course, perhaps like the others, I sound ‘obsessed’, but I believe that as long as these creative art forms don’t interfere with the quality of one’s life, as long as your own unique balance is formed in enjoying the arts and in gaining the right wisdom for your real life, I think that’s the best gift the creative arts can offer someone.

Perhaps there are others that rely too much on the creative arts, those who become addicted, who make it their whole life - but in those cases, what are the chances that it is the creative arts that are their last thread to life? Their last anchor, their last hope, their last salvation amongst the chaos of this world? (Cough *Kim Dokja*) Is it so wrong to hold on to something that will help you take another breath, to be brave enough to live through another day, to give you hope when you see none? (Okay, that’s another tangent and gray area of discussion for another time) Of course, art is not salvation, but perhaps it may be enough to prolong someone’s sanity or life, before they can seek the help they need. Then, there are those few geniuses, those ‘lunatics’ as called by others - perhaps to them, they are willing to pay the price of becoming one with their art, compared to sacrificing their overwhelming love for the arts for a life in reality. But I can’t say much about that, as I’m not them. Then there’s also this notion of ‘balance’ that everyone preaches, to balance time in your dreams, in your clouds, in your stories vs. Reality. But that’s a tough discussion to navigate, as everyone has a different balance that suits their life, temperament, values, priorities and circumstances. 

I’d like to end with this quote from Honkai Star Rail

‘When it comes to gaming, things like race, lineage, allegiance, destiny, beliefs… they’re all insignificant. It’s good to remember that.’

Of course, the reality is more nuanced than that. Our race, lineage, allegiance, beliefs and environment influences us and hence, shapes the things we create. However, the result of these works, be it games, literature, music etc. can affect anyone, regardless of these things that separate us. It is often used to unite us, and enable us to communicate with one another in spite of these differences. It can even transcend time! Why do you think certain books have either been promoted or banned in the past? Why have certain artworks been criticised so heavily or enjoyed? Why have certain music been roughly casted away in shadows or promoted?

Anyways, I’m running out of steam. But coming back to the beginning, when I say that I have characters on my wallpapers, or carry stickers or keychains of them, I carry them with me because they remind me of values and principles I wish to uphold in life, they remind me of my ideals and encourage me by giving me strength. They remind me of our hopes, our despair, and most importantly - our resilience and strength. Yes I like them, but in much deeper ways than most people assume. I carry reminders of how I’d like to live my life, and of wisdom I’ve gained through these stories and arts. I take what I can apply to real life, and I take reality to see what influenced creators to create what they’ve created. 

Perhaps one day I’ll make a post about why I have certain characters on my wallpaper (my phone is on photo shuffle - it makes me happy to see different characters on my wallpaper). I also have certain music I hold dear to me, lyrics I have analysed, plays I love, poetry I enjoy, all for various reasons, and all of which I’ve put in energy to understand and apply in my life.

Anyways, thanks for reading my ramblings. I did not expect to write this much. I was explaining to someone recently about why I have wallpapers on my phone and it led me to yap to them about this topic, and I thought, why not write about it? This, alongside the issues with AI art influenced me to talk about this. I might post another one like this later that’s better written and thoroughly read through, since this was written in one sitting within the span of ~1 hour right before I go to sleep. I’m currently sleep deprived and exhausted from running certain errands and work today. Not sure if this will make sense to everyone, but I hope my sentiments come across, and I truly do wish others feel the same way I do. I cradle the arts with such intensity and warmth every day, and it is an important fuel that sparks the flame within me and gives me light in the form of wisdom and hope.

Edit: Just wanted to add, some people might say characters and art is all about perception and subjective. While that is a good point as there are definitely people who don’t see the value in other art forms or have the same perspective on them as I do + the fact that there are many valid and rational reasons why it is overlooked, but it still is true that the creative art forms we take in and learn influence the way we express ourselves and ideas. It is also all around us in photographs, news articles, blogs, YouTube, posts, TikTok, social media, or opinion articles (language can be loaded and biased), or in the music we listen to the daily, religious music, cultural music, Ads, memes, shows etc. There is perception, and how we ‘view’ the creative arts, and there is also a certain amount of truth that art can impact reality and people no matter how much we ‘value’ or ‘perceive’ it. I just feel like there’s a big gap between how we view art vs. how much it actually impacts us and our reality.

Of course, art is often more of a luxury, and with the state of the world and various circumstances, it is understandable it is overlooked. I’m just a little frustrated at this ‘gap’ in how we perceive art as a society vs. How much it ACTUALLY impacts us and influences us without us knowing. Our own perspective of how important something is and how much we ‘think’ it impacts us doesn’t always correlate to the truth of how significant something is, and how much the creative arts are actually involved in our lives. They influence a lot of things that we don’t perceive. They’re just not in a typical ‘creative’ or ‘abstract’ ‘art form’ that we think they exist in.

‘Time heals all wounds’ is a common saying that I have some major gripes with.

Time alone in itself, does not heal most wounds, be it physical or mental wounds. 

Time is only a factor that can help heal wounds to an EXTENT. It is vital to take into consideration other variables that are required for healing, such as self-care, practical solutions, environment, people, medicine, professional help etc. 

There’s a quote I’d like to share that I believe explains my sentiment quite well:

‘After that, the flesh might become infected and rot, which could even require amputation. Instead of leaving wounds to heal by themselves, it’s better to clean them, treat them, and take your medicine… then eventually, they’ll heal with time.’

‘What I’m trying to say is, you have to make an effort to heal.’

‘Otherwise, all that’s left is pain.’

‘You deserve to heal as much as anyone.’

Excerpt from Murderous Lewellyn's Candlelit Dinner "살인마 르웰린 씨의 낭만적인 정찬" by Sum na gi [숨나기] Manhwa artist: Muk bu [묵부]

I’ve struggled a lot trying to explain to people I meet the thoughts I have regarding ‘time heals all wounds’, and I’m really glad I stumbled upon this excerpt when reading this manhwa. (I believe the original is a Korean web novel), hence I wanted to share this.

The hardest thing was not holding on or letting go. It was knowing when to let go, and when to hold on.

It is important to understand the difference between appropriate criticism and constructive feedback vs. insults.

One can help you grow, while the other is not something you have to carry, as they are unnecessary burdens given to you for torment.