#winnersarelosing

note; wanted to write angst becus of my fav band's song which is Multo (means ghost) by Cup of Joe, this one goes out for my filo girlies again

tw; angst. one-sided.

      you’re caitlyn’s, possibly, only friend. you’ve been with her ever since you two were kids; you’ve been with her when other kids called her a snobby, spoiled kid, been with her ever since she trained under grayson.

you two know each other’s secrets, and every lie you tell other people, always has each other’s back. but one thing she doesn’t know is that you are in love with her.

you love her determination, you love her kindness, you love how she chooses to look from all angles, you love her braveness, you love her. she doesn’t seem to notice that you look at her with this softness in your eyes, she doesn’t notice that your eyes hold all the love in the universe, she doesn’t notice you that way.

not like she notices vi.

you’ve been by her side ever since she decided to break vi out of prison—walking, running, fighting all the way from the back of the line. but it’s okay, because you love caitlyn.

you’ve been by her side when you notice caitlyn’s growing affection for vi. 

you’ve been by her side when you notice cailtyn’s nervous but subtle glances for vi.

you’ve been by her side when you notice caitlyn’s feelings for vi.

you’ve witnessed their intimate moment under the pouring rain. 

you were watching them, your heart was breaking into little pieces, your throat was choking up, you could feel the tears begging to be let out. you felt pathetic. you felt pathetic because you were holding an umbrella; ready to shield her from the unrelenting leash of rain.

but you knew you stood no chance when caitlyn would rather be soaked in the pouring rain with vi than be with you under an umbrella. so you did nothing. who were you to stand between them? who were you to steal caitlyn from vi. they were meant for each other.

 all you wanted and could do was stand beside her. 

all you could do was ask the universe if its torture to you wasn’t enough.

all you could do was let her haunt you in your dreams. 

 note; lettin' my imagination run wild cus i made this in like 15 minutes

tw; wlw, situationship, lesbian you, you're kinda a dumbass in this

     you knew something was wrong with kanna, your situationship, when she told you that she was visiting japan.

you’ve been unofficially together for a couple of months now—you also know why she couldn’t completely give herself to you; her ex. ex-boyfriend from japan, that is. you’re losing by a few points because of that, but you don’t let it get through to you. 

kanna isn’t that cruel, you think. let’s list it down: first, she reassures you. second, she tells you that she wants to be with you. third, she reciprocates your energy. see? she ain’t so bad.

not until you saw her—eyes swollen, tears falling, standing in the middle of the airport as her ex-boyfriend is giving her flowers.

“kanna?”

      you tried to hide your pain—your heartache, your grief. but you know that she knows. of course, she knows, you’ve willingly given all of yourself to her, you practically surrendered your whole entirety to her, because you just had to be in love with her.

you’d think she’d have a cramp by how fast she whipped her head to look at you. she spoke with a voice full of emotions, “it’s not what it looks like.”

god, you are such a lesbian for traveling from another country, still wearing the promise ring she gave you, just to see what’s wrong with your situationship.

your eyes sting, but you won’t cry. not here. not now. “uhm, yeah, this wasn’t what i expected, kanna.” you grip your luggage’s handle with your hand, attempting to stop the shakes. “i was gonna surprise you, but it looks like, uh, you surprised me instead.”

kanna ignores joe and makes a beeline for you, “no, no, i promise, it isn’t what it looks like. i only came here to seek closu–”

      you almost believed her. almost. you chuckle wetly, your free hand going up to your face in disbelief ‘cus girl you really thought you were free from the shackles of a traumatizing wlw situationship.

how wrong you were.

“look, err,” you stare at kanna’s eyes, still brimming with tears, “i’m gonna check in a hotel nearby.”

“what, are we not gonna talk?” she panics. “a-are we done? i can explain. this was just closure, i-i swear. please. let me explain–”

“we’re not done. i just want to get a breather first. i want us to clear our heads first.” you rush in to reply, your thumb anxiously playing with your ring. your heart is thumping so loud in your chest, your throat is swelling up, everything is too loud. “you don’t know how badly i want to go to bed and just cry.”

      you feel so stupid right now. you just found her with her ex-boyfriend and yet you don’t want to end it. 

you still want to rub her tears away using your thumbs, your palms firmly against her cheeks.

you still want to fix her hair.

you still want to hug her because by all that’s sacred, you’ve missed her.

“i’ll text you.” you take a glance over at him, still staring at you two. “Yeah?”

      and with that, you’re walking away from her—even though you don’t want to. you are walking away from her.

but you know that you’ll be running back to her. 

you’re in a state of numbness as your steps feel heavy, you lose track of time, you are mindlessly walking to your hotel when you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket.

you know it’s her.