#wingaryde

We’re going to need you to stop calling in EVERY Sasquatch sighting to our help line. We get like twenty calls a day. We get it. They’re out there.

Look, we know it weirds you out to see them, but we really can’t just arrest a Sasquatch for existing, you know?

1. That’s a dick move

2. That’s absolutely not cost effective

Now like if you see a Sasquatch committing a crime that’s different. We’ll come out for that.

For anyone who might still be confused:

Grabbing some dinner out of a dumpster is NOT a crime.

Walking all sketchy through the woods is NOT a crime

Eating you or a loved one IS probably a crime. We will probably come out for that

Mikey left me a little present! What a thoughtful young lad.

They hurt me every day!

Got a call from a kid and I was READY. This was what my 2 hours of phone training was ALL ABOUT. I looped Merry in so he could take notes (because like I want to help but not THAT much you know?).

He told me how his dad always turned into a monster one day a year. I’m like OK SHIT yeah, tell me more! He said this years worse than ever because there’s like another monster in town and there’s blood and bones EVERYWHERE and everyone’s just watching them tear things apart with their teeth.

So I’m like tracking the call and being so professional and then finally I get a location ping and…

Wing fest.

FUCKING WING FEST.

I know Christophe and Rafael are nearby and so I call him to double check that it’s not like a monster wing fest and he’s all “oh no problem Mikey we’ll check it out.”

Except I could hear the announcer in the background.

Admin looked at EVERYONE they could possibly have cover for her and I’ll give you two guesses who they decided to put on the phones.

Me and Merry.

That basically means it’s all ME because our favorite little magician has been on the phone with a confused grandma for TWO HOURS helping her figure out how to video call her grandkids.

Rafael will NEVER have a Tumblr.

This is my SAFE place where I don’t have to answer stupid questions about dumb shit and WHY I did the things I did.

He asked if it was CHARLIE.

Why the fuck would my cafeteria surprise be CHARLIE?

Charlie doesn't belong in the cafeteria.