Alright, listen up.
We’re going to need you to stop calling in EVERY Sasquatch sighting to our help line. We get like twenty calls a day. We get it. They’re out there.
Look, we know it weirds you out to see them, but we really can’t just arrest a Sasquatch for existing, you know?
1. That’s a dick move
2. That’s absolutely not cost effective
Now like if you see a Sasquatch committing a crime that’s different. We’ll come out for that.
For anyone who might still be confused:
Grabbing some dinner out of a dumpster is NOT a crime.
Walking all sketchy through the woods is NOT a crime
Eating you or a loved one IS probably a crime. We will probably come out for that
Remember, only you can keep Janine at the help desk from flipping her shit again.














