Coil
Windowpane (1990)
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Coil
Windowpane (1990)

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Katja Oxman - Upon the Windowpane, 2006
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Coil
Windowpane (1990)

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
Reflections from the windows that I first saw you through.
šøYou know that moment when some minor bullshit happens, and you stop and realize, āOkay, what the fuck??? This is not me...ā
That just happened to me.
After years of feeling lost and just existingāfloating somewhere between my true self and a version of me that was shapedāI finally saw that something was off. What I had become wasnāt really me, but a side effect of a relationship where there was a constant attempt to change me at the core. A relationship that suffocated not just me, but my higher self, inner self, shadow selfābasically every part of me that existsāunder the disguise of love and care.
Since Iāve been observing myself for months now (because the brain fog finally cleared), I can see myself. I see that Iām not made of gold. I see the behavioral patterns I need to accept, and the ones I absolutely have to root out.
I see where I fucked up in past relationships, and Iād never repeat the same mistakes.
You learn as you live, and weāre all here for the first timeānone of us knows shit, really.
Iām learning through... well, I wouldnāt call them spiritual practices, because I donāt like to label myself as a spiritual person, even though Iāve been told that I am. I donāt like that label because I used to get mocked for itāāwhat, are you a fairy now, talking to elves?āābecause Iāve always been into certain things, but those parts of me were constantly shut down.
But you know what? I love myself and I embrace myself exactly as I amāwhether Iām spiritual or not, whether I act like Iām 18 even though Iām 28ābecause hello, Iām ME, and thatās just who I am.
And at the end of the day, Iāve only got myselfāand I protect that.
You claw your way out of your old routine, piece by piece, and slowly start finding yourself again. You begin to understand yourself and rediscover your sense of purposeāat least in this form of existence.
And I can honestly say, I get why people are the way they areātraumas, dissatisfaction, projections. I also understand why I still care about peoples opinions about myself, because Iām sensitive and empathetic (even though Iāve been called narcissistic). Especially when it comes to other peopleās maliceāI feel it.
But Iām growing from that.
And I just want to say thisāthis is the whole point of this long-ass rant:
š**DONāT LET OTHER PEOPLEāS DARKNESS AND MALICE DIM YOUR LIGHT. LET IT GLOW EVEN STRONGER, AND LET YOUR STRENGTH GROW FROM THATāBECAUSE YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH POWER LIVES INSIDE YOU.**š
And to all the darkness in this world, I wish you to realize that goodness always wins.
And that everything will be okayāactually, not just will be okay...
It already is okay.
Just love. And karma. āļøšø