#will farrel

I mean, the fucking set pieces ALONE. Seriously, this movie must have been expensive as FUCK.

Either way, as I said: I ain't into musicals. And there were two shitty parts of this movie: Will Farrel can NOT sing. Carry a tune? Sure. Make it a pleasant one? Not really... And it is LAYERED. There are so many plots and subplots, it's a lot to take in. It's not overdone, but WAY more backstory and info than a typical christmas movie. You kinda gotta pay attention. Especially cuz they make a lot of references to previous scenes/jokes.

Anyways, I am going to try to stay away from giving away too much, cuz it is worth every fucking second. I mean, fuck, I LOATHE dance numbers, and mother fuckers: I was THOROUGHLY impressed with the dance pieces. They were clearly months of training professionals. Turns out, I kinda like tap. To get this many people, this coordinated, this..perfect. Unimaginable skill from the entire staff.

I will try to stay away from specific details, but these plot points do give a lot away so SPOILERS!

How 'Adult'?

1-one of the FIRST BIG NUMBERS, they make a light joke about being on molly.

2-a ghost fucks a human. That actually happens in this film.

3-Say 'fuck you' as many ways as possible without saying it (good afternoon).

4-talk seriously about online bullying.

5-talk seriously about letting kids be kids (not holding every little thing they do wrong over their head)

6-confront kid suicide from bullying. They do not outright SAY it, but they point that at it in every direction.

7-show how adults can, indirectly, use kids to harm other kids.

8-expose how businesses/politicians use misinformation and divisions to control and profit. (I told you there were a LOT of layers to this movie)

9-Adult suicide.

10-<BIGGEST SPOILER OF THE WHOLE MOVIE> They KILL the main character. Like, you NEVER see it coming.

There's plot holes galore, but you don't fucking care. You enjoy yourself the entire time. One of the few times I wasn't checking how much was left of the movie.

Spirited: 9.2/10. A near PERFECT movie. It has something for everyone. Literally.

Spoilers.

First…15-20 minutes, I was not feeling it. Way too much atmosphere for a place we knew we’d be most of the movie. But I think it was to more trick you (which it does, a lot) that the movie is going ONE way, then goes another. There were many times foreshadowing was so in your face, you wonder why they even did it. But then you realize (again) it was a trick: think you’re so smart cuz you see something coming cuz it was a red herring! They didn’t give a FUCK you knew about it; here’s some other weird fucking twist.

It was funny. I just watched strays (also with farrel) and that movie had like….5 solid laughs. Rest were just dick jokes. Barbie was significantly funnier. I almost am irritated because I had to rewind it a few times cuz sometimes it was good 1 liner after another, no pause, so you don’t even have enough time to finish laughing at the first one to let the humor of the next one sink in. I LOVE THAT> It makes a movie rewatchable. Top 3 funniest? 3-almost anything will farrel said. I feel like his was partially improvised, and it worked. It so fucking worked. Like, they’re chasing Barbie out of the lobby, get stuck by a short jump-able gate, screams for a keycard, THROWS it at the gate like a madman, freaks out that they can’t get thru (again, JUMP-ABLE), it suddenly opens, and he runs like a bat out of hell. He gave it to this performance! THE BARBIE MOVIE, and Will Farrel brang his A-game. 2-Ryan Gosling. His overall performance too. Cuz I NEVER find him funny in anything (even his SNL skits), but he was so SO fucking over the top that, even when it didn’t work, IT WORKED, ya know? Like it was so tongue in cheek cheesy, you almost were choking on the gouda. Do you know how hard as an actor it is to overact, intentionally, but to make sure it doesn’t look like it’s overacting? Not even going to name a specific moment; I’m just glad he made me finally laugh (the Nice Guys was overrated). 1-MARGOT FUCKING ROBBIE. Cuz she was hilarious as the straight/dry humor. Deadpan, kinda. And she had SO many fucking great lines when she came to the real world (dark comedy-when she first arrives and realizes she’s objectified like it NEVER happened before). Fav moment? Easy. Near the end, given up, Weird Barbie finds her. She straight up says something the lines alone ‘Now I’m ugly and weird like you’ but NOT in an insulting way, more ‘that’s life now.’ And Weird Barbie’s reaction? OMG. I was trying to be vague so you can watch it, read (or reread) this and go ‘OH YEAH!.’ Like I made some fair observations but didn’t give enough details as to ruin the joke. I needed a good laugh, and this movie delivered.

Now, why is it meta? Best way I could say it, HONESTLY? It’s like the movie took a mirror to the worst in (typically USA) men, shoves it down their throats (in a comedic way. As the saying goes ‘If you’re going to tell somebody the truth, you better make them laugh, or they’ll kill ya’) and does the same to women, but more their weaknesses than worst aspects. I see why men hated on this: it is 100% pro women, men fucked everything up, etc. I ain’t wrong cuz in the end, I thought they would give the Ken’s fair representation in the Barbie government, but NOPE. SO…how does that make them better than men? Do I believe the real world would be better with all women in charge? For the most part, yes. I genuinely do. But I don’t think they’ll solve everything. And I don’t know if making sure a particular type of people having no say in the world around them is a good thing. But fairly, I’m also the one that says rob billionaires and drop them on an island to rot so….I ain’t saying I have the answers. But the Barbies (MAJOR SPOILER) taking back their city from the Kens, cuz the Kens were…ignored and not heard, but then not giving them any way to be heard in the government (or even housing….) is a MIXED ENDING at best. NOT HAPPY. ‘The Kens brainwashed the Barbies.’ HOW? And how do you know it wasn’t just the one? Cuz the other Kens, in the end, chanted after Ken like…copies. It felt like the Barbies were all original, but the Kens weren’t. Maybe they were brainwashed too. It felt hypocritical to open with Kens not having houses, Barbies all in dream houses, travel to the real world, experience real things, Ken became pro male freak, takes over Barbieland, somehow brainwashes the Barbies (I don’t even think HE knows how he did it), over claims what is his (doing 100% what Barbies did to Kens. Just returning the favor), Barbies outsmart them (turned them to war. I liked that. Smart), take back full control, and they change NOT A SINGLE THING FROM THE START except the Kens can have one LOW LEVEL representative. Were Kens the good guys? NO. Were the Barbies? FUCK NO. So cheering on it going back to the same is….sad. Kens-still no where to live, no voice in government, nothing has improved. I just feel like that ending was saying ‘Hey. A world where women treat men exactly like men treat women would be better, but they would oppress in a similar fashion, but it would be better!’ is a weird fucking message to end on. I just wanted the men to get housing, and SOME in government (not many. I’ll admit-they went nuts, but when you have NO power and are given ALL power-you go crazy.)

That’s what I loved/hated about this movie. They went into the lore, but then at the same time went ‘fuck lore. Our house, our rules’ so they could do anything, but explain NOTHING. Like my fav DUMB/GENIUS moment in the movie was when Farrel, lead of Mattel, is trying to explain why Barbie coming to the real world is not a good thing and all (ALL) he says is ‘It’s just bad! It’s a bad thing!’ Loud, over and over, arms flailing. So they CLEARLY wanted to gloss over that. Which is cool but…that’s like an ace up the sleeve: you can only play that card SO many times before we know you’re cheating.

The END ending was….ultra meta. Go watch andy weir’s the egg on youtube. No joke (NO JOKE) that philosophy/spiritual concept matches….like…..60% with the ending (more visually if you watch the right one). It’s a MIND fuck. Summary: her creator says she’s an immortal idea, wanting her to live every life, but she wants to go down and live her single life. For her. Her way. Girl power. Lol It’s…awesome. Then they end with a FANTASTIC punchline out of nowhere that I REFUSE to ruin. IT’S A PERFECT ENDING JOKE. PERFECT, I TELL YOU!

So I gotta say: not what I expected, but only in the best of ways. I knew it would be funny, but not THAT funny in THAT many ways. Ultra political/social on many issues, and I was cheering on every one. Toxic masculinity sucks, self doubt (and a society that pushes it) sucks, men can cry, crying feels good for everyone if done right. Like, SIMPLE things MANY ADULTS do not admit to. That’s why I like this movie: appear like it’s for kids, market it for adults, simple for kids, cuz SOME ADULTS DIDN’T LEARN AS FUCKING KIDS. This is what I call a smart dumb movie. It dumbs down smart stuff for dumb people, but, keeps enough smart stuff in for smart people so they don’t feel like it’s one big fucking lecture. Cuz it is in a way. We all need to change, and this movie pushes that narrative. Fuck one of my fav quotes that I already posted was how all life is is change…

Barbie: 8.9/10.

(Not a 10/10 because the singing and dancing was not my thing, and outside the very opening & dance/fight number, it felt unnecessary. Also the plot holes/ending. Seriously, I would’ve given it a near perfect despite everything else, but the fucking ending of Barbieland. She SAYS she’s not a fascist <tho she admits they control the currency….>, but an oligarchy by any other name is an oligarchy. Seriously. And then they shrug off the years of shunning Weird Barbie. Just….this movie felt like ‘girl power! Don’t hate anybody. BUT you can treat people less than you if they’re not a Barbie.’ WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE IS THAT!? If I was a kid trying to find a moral lesson in this, it would be an aneurysm can be caused by a movie.)

Fav part? The entire lecture(s) (WAY WAY too much to quote. I was going to, but it encompassed good part of like 5-10 minutes. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG THAT TAKES TO TYPE?) the mom gave to the brainwashed Barbies. I have never wanted to be a woman: biologically to socially speaking, you guys are treated, worldwide, second to men. I actually believe the average bigot is more hateful to a woman than to someone of a different race. I understand why (see above. Men are conditioned by other stupid fucking men.) But….I swear to you on my soul….her original lecture (then with her added mini lectures added in) gave me the weirdest…pride. Like, I always knew you guys have it bad. As I said: I HAVE NEVER wanted to be a woman (and I am even talking if only biologically speaking. God dam, you got the short end of the stick. Periods, cramps, menopause, pregnancy. More prone to a lot of cancers. Dying at birth!? HOLY FUCK!!! Side note-USA has THE HIGHEST pregnancy deaths for a first world nation.) But….this movie made me realize the…benefits to being a woman. I NEVER SAW ANY. You guys love more than men, by far. Help more than men, by far. But are treated so fucking poorly and…I don’t know why you don’t rise up and kill a few billionaires. YOU ARE MORE THAN CAPABLE. Lol Just…I dunno. I always knew what GOOD women brought to the world. I just could never appreciate having pride being a woman when it’s so-fucking-difficult in this world we live in. But I get it now, I think. Maybe because of how unbalanced this plane of existence is to women, when they get thru (not if), there’s a strength few men can attain. Let alone respect. If men can’t do it, they think it shouldn’t be done. I want to say thank you women. I have always tried to appreciate you (except the stupid times I wasn’t), but I guess I never saw/appreciated your female pride. I never liked the word pride. To me, it has be earned. And no one chooses to be a woman. But maybe cuz you were forced into birth lotto, and had the odds against ya, you still came out on top, ya know? I dunno. I just….few things actually INSPIRE me anymore, and that did. It was saying something I deep down knew, but needed it said in a monologue so I could see the whole picture. Cuz I knew everything she said, but I guess when it is ALL laid out, you feel the weight of the whole blanket of the concept instead of a corner. Kudos. I am glad this movie exists. I think it will help a lot of people. Sadly, one of them being the pro-Israel Mattel male CEO a lot…

On a side note, to the people saying this is not for kids ??? it's a rated R movie. Shouldn't that be a clue that it's not for kids. You don't need to write obvious things. FML.

I’d rate this a movie 7/10.

You can read the synopsis below:

They say a dog is a man's best friend, but what if the man is a total dirtbag? In that case, it might be time for some sweet revenge, doggy style. When Reggie (Will Ferrell), a naïve, relentlessly optimistic Border Terrier, is abandoned on the mean city streets by his lowlife owner, Doug (Will Forte; The Last Man on Earth, Nebraska), Reggie is certain that his beloved owner would never leave him on purpose. But once Reggie falls in with a fast-talking, foul-mouthed Boston Terrier named Bug (Oscar® winner Jamie Foxx), a stray who loves his freedom and believes that owners are for suckers, Reggie finally realizes he was in a toxic relationship and begins to see Doug for the heartless sleazeball that he is. Determined to seek revenge, Reggie, Bug and Bug's pals--Maggie (Isla Fisher; Now You See Me, Wedding Crashers), a smart Australian Shepherd who has been sidelined by her owner's new puppy, and Hunter (Randall Park; Always Be My Maybe, Aquaman), an anxious Great Dane who's stressed out by his work as an emotional support animal--together hatch a plan and embark on an epic adventure to help Reggie find his way home... and make Doug pay by biting off the appendage he loves the most. (Hint: It's not his foot.)