#wildehopps a

Bogo: I'm torn, Wilde, between being flattered you asked for my permission on something and being baffled you asked for my permission on... this.

Wilde: Can I or can't I?

Bogo: I would suggest that asking HER that would give you a more accurate answer.

Wilde: Well, I'm gonna, it's just that I don't want to get in trouble for even asking.

Bogo: Why on earth would I care if you two dated?

Wilde: Because you're our boss and we work together and...

Bogo: Do you solve the cases I assign you?

Wilde: Of course we do.

Bogo: Do you deliberately disobey my perfectly clear rules and cause massive collateral damage in the process?

Wilde: Well... not LATELY.

Bogo: Then anything else is fine by me, Wilde.

Wilde: Really?

Bogo: You seem surprised.

Wilde: It's just you always seem like such a hardass.

Bogo: Only where it MATTERS.

Wilde: Is that why Clawhauser never gets in trouble?

Bogo: Well, aren't you the observant one.

Wilde: That sounded like sarcasm.

Bogo: It was, and maybe, if you squint VERY hard, you can figure out why.

Wilde: Wait... are you and Clawhauser dating?

Bogo: What do you think?

Wilde: I think... it was very silly for me to ask you permission to date Judy.

Bogo: Precisely. And Wilde?

Wilde: Yes?

Bogo: Ask her permission, that's a very important step.

Hopps: Well, Clawhauser, it sounds like someone is going to have a happy Valentine's Day. And by someone I mean you.

Clawhauser: So will you. A FOXY gentlemammal came by my desk and brought this gift basket of blueberry muffins for you.

Hopps: Really? Who?

Clawhauser: Well, he certainly is just WILD about you, and made sure to come here in the NICK of time to deliver the gift before I went to lunch.

Hopps: Well that's good to hear. Is he someone I know?

Clawhauser: Very well, in fact. Almost like you're PARTNERS in the road of life.

Hopps: That's great. I hope I see him. Bye.

[Hopps leaves]

Bogo: Sure.

Hopps: Why did you hire Clawhauser?

Bogo: What's wrong with him? Isn't he cute and sweet and funny and an absolutely perfect fit for a front desk officer?

Hopps: I mean, I guess but...

Bogo: But what?

Hopps: But I would have expected someone like you to prioritize intelligence.

Bogo: Clawhauser passed every written exam with flying colors on his first try, Hopps.

Hopps: WHAT!?

Bogo: Quiet, Hopps, or they'll be able to hear your prejudice from Bunnyburrow.

Hopps: But he's so...

Bogo: Scatterbrained? Yeah, funny thing about that. That means he thinks so fast the rest of us can't keep up.

Hopps: Wow.

[Later]

Hopps: Clawhauser?

Clawhauser: Yeah?

Hopps: I'm sorry I thought you weren't as smart as you are.

Clawhauser: That's okay, Hopps. I don't remember the last time that didn't happen.

Hopps: ...Clawhauser, I want you to be completely candid with me.

Clawhauser: Sure.

Hopps: Are you just pretending to be happy? It can't be fun being stereotyped in--what is it, six ways?--at once.

Clawhauser: Nah, I really am happy. I know mammals mean well and rarely actually know any better, so I don't let it hurt unless I know they're doing it to be mean on purpose.

Hopps: Well, no matter what stereotypes others force on you, I know one thing will always be true. You are the sweetest guy I've ever known. If you were straight I'd totally date you.

Clawhauser: [giggles] Don't tell Wilde you said that.

Hopps: Why not?

Clawhauser: [shifty eyes] No reason.

Wilde: [runs into Bogo's bedroom, slams the door shut, nails boards over it, blocks it with his back to it, huffing and puffing]

Bogo: [WTF], Wilde!?

Wilde: They'll never find me in here...

Bogo: You just barricaded me in my bedroom!

Clawhauser: Could be worse.

Bogo: Go back to sleep.

Clawhauser: How do you expect me to sleep when you're yelling at Wilde?

Bogo: WILDE SHOULDN'T EVEN BE IN HERE!!

Wilde: Hey, I'm sorry if I interrupted your beauty sleep.

Bogo: Interruptions are a dime a dozen. YOU BROKE INTO MY HOUSE AND BARRICADED US IN OUR BEDROOM.

Wilde: Okay, but I have a good reason.

Bogo: I sincerely doubt that.

Wilde: I put a comment on Judy's Muzzlebook wall that said "I love you" after drinking just a feeeeeww too many mimosas, but that's okay, she won't wake up for a couple hours and I can just delete it right? Nope. 5 million mammals have already liked it and it has 38,000 comments--overwhelmingly positive, I might add.

Bogo: SO!?

Wilde: So now they're all chasing after me and trying to get me to kiss her on the mouth.

Bogo: Isn't that what you've wanted for the last EIGHT MONTHS!?

Wilde: Mayybe. But that's not the point. I never wanted... this.

Clawhauser: Well, then there's only one thing to do. Bogo, propose to me.

Bogo: Uh. I think that you telling me to propose to you might well be you proposing to me.

Clawhauser: Great! We're engaged!

Bogo: Wait, I didn't say yes.

Clawhauser: :(

Bogo: My answer is we'll see.

Clawhauser: :(

Bogo: Okay, Clawhauser, will you spend the rest of your life with me?

Clawhauser: YYYYYYYYEEEEESSSS!!! [Cuddles Bogo]

[Later, Clawhauser and Bogo show up as engaged on Muzzlebook. One comment. Six likes.]

Bogo: Well, that's disheartening.

Clawhauser: Darn, I really thought my plan would work too.

Bogo: Can I redact my proposal with a promise to return it in a few months with interest?

Clawhauser: What kind of interest?

Bogo: Fancy date and diamond ring interest.

Bogo: What?

Wilde: Do you think Clawhauser is cute?

Bogo: Everyone with eyes thinks Clawhauser is cute.

Wilde: I don't.

Bogo: YOU LITTLE NO-TASTE VULPINE...

Wilde: [cackles] Actually, I think he's adorable. I just wanted to piss you off.

Bogo: ...GODDAMMIT WILDE! I will not tolerate your shenanigans any longer. You will pay!

Wilde: How?

Bogo: Hopps is unattractive.

Wilde: Whoa, TOO FAR. TOO FAR.

Bogo: Pot, kettle.

Wilde: Ugh. Look, Hopps didn't deserve to be insulted just because you wanted to get a rise out of me.

Bogo: But Clawhauser did?

Wilde: No. You're right. [Shouts across room] I'm sorry, Ben!

Clawhauser: Er... you're forgiven?

Wilde: Now you apologize.

Bogo: Hopps, I'm sorry.

Hopps: For what?

Bogo: For telling Wilde you weren't attractive.

Hopps: Why did you?

Bogo: Wilde said Clawhauser wasn't cute first.

Hopps: Ah. Well, in that case, I have no issue with what you did. I know better than anyone that this fox needs a taste of his own medicine now and then.

Wilde: Why are you taking his side?

Hopps: Simple. You started it.

Wilde: Grr.

Bogo: You know, if you stop deliberately annoying me, you'll save yourself some headaches in the long run.