#widoed

❛ if you don’t fight, you die. ❜  // @widoed​​ 

          steve knew natasha was right. he knew that the only way to get through this was to grit his teeth, get off of his ass and fight. fight against the dead. fight against the living that took those closest to him. fight back, or he might as well be in the ground with everyone else they’ve lost along the way. 

          in a way, nat’s always been good at this. pulling people up when they were down. it shouldn’t be on her to do it, but steve’s thankful anyway for the harsh reality check. so, he sniffs, shakes his head and moves to stand up and grab the bat. he looks at natasha with a serious look, nodding a little. 

i guess we all get some kind of haunted.  ( moved from the solo blog // @widoed )

bucky has struggled with this for so long now-- with the fact that every time he closes his eyes, ghosts seem to be all he finds. those he's loved and lost. and those he's hurt and removed from the world-- some deserving, a lot not at all. so much pain, so much blood he wondered sometimes if he was ever truly clean.

as he looks at natasha, it hurts to know that she gets it. that if there were anyone in this damned world to understand his soul, his troubles on a deeper level, it was her. she'd been pulled apart, made anew. made into a weapon and now-- now told to find peace.

it all felt beyond fucked and bucky has to laugh at her words, a bitter sound as he shakes his head.

this meme. // @widoed

he flinches at her words. although bucky knows there is good intent behind them, he can't help but feel a certain kind of ache. he'd never want her to be put through what he went through. wasn't her own history enough to bear already, without considering taking on his?

he breathes deep, tries to dislodge the tight feeling in his chest, and shifts a little on the bed till they're face to face. his hand finds hers, bringing it up and there's a gentle, sweet kiss left across her knuckles. he likes to take moments like these, moments to show kindness. softness. it's something neither of them really got in life, but god, did bucky want to show her that she deserved it.

this meme.

it wasn't meant to be like this. they weren't supposed to lose. bucky, sure, had known loss. personal. he'd time and time again, known his own personal failures. captures. painful kinds of failures. but... this was something else entirely.

this was a kind of pain that would radiate around the world-- the universe even, would feel the pain of this failure.

there are no words to describe it, the sensation of literally fading away. she'd been so quick to react, to run to him. and even as he holds onto her, he can feel everything getting less intense-- things around him turning dull. as if the colour was being pulled from his world.

he looks at her, seeing the panic in her eyes and if he can do anything in that moment, he wants to reassure her. reaches up, smiles. "you'll be okay, natalia." he whispers before closing the distance, using what he has left to kiss her-- wants that to be his final act. an act of love.

before it all fades. before he disappears, returned to nothing.

send for kisses.

he'd been thinking about this all day. about just pulling her close, and kissing her soft and slow. or maybe even hard and fast. all consuming. either way-- he'd wanted this, ached with need for it for too long now. unable to do anything, because there was always something else to do. someone to train. some mission brief to deal with.

piecing the world back together after the return hadn't been easy, not by any means. but, they deserved moments like these still, didn't they? away from the noise of it all, away from the pain.

they're alone in the kitchen, and bucky knows it could be any minute now that someone walks in, but he doesn't care. he pulls her close, takes the glass of water from her hand and sets it down as he sweeps natasha in close. one hand at her hip, the other on her cheek, guiding her in and he kisses her deep, with every ounce of want he'd been holding inside. it goes on and on till his body aches with the need for air and he only pulls back enough to get just that. noses continue to bump together, and he smiles as he speaks.

"been thinkin' bout doing that all damned day."

this meme.

grin fills lips quickly-- in a way, more of a smirk as he looks at her. there's something cocky about the way bucky holds himself in that moment. he knows it's just normal discussion, part of the plan, the mission. but... well. bucky had never been all that good at backing off, holding off on being an absolute shit sometimes.

so he leans back in his chair, brow raised a little. "oh yeah? gettin' a lil possessive there, romanoff?" tongue clicks as that damned grin spreads.

"not that i'm complainin'. kinda like it."

covert was eddie's middle name. actually, it was dean, but for the sake of his self-assurance in assisting much cooler superheroes, he had to sike himself up somehow. mindlessly scrolling through the newsfeed on his phone, eddie sat in the semi-professional conference room of the avengers tower with his feet propped up on the table.

"what do you think they'll call me?" his shadowy arms stretched out like he was reading the headlines. "the human light switch! hm. shadow thing! no, let's see... cousin it goes to new york!" he collapsed backwards in the chair, defeated.