#whyndancer

“A moment? Is that anything like a minute? Because that’s all I can spare,” she said, reaching for a potato chip from the nearly empty bag on the desk beside her. “I’m analyzing your timeline breech and it’s sort of important.”

“No, I understand what you do is very vital,” he said, immediately grimacing and looking like he’d tasted something bitter. “I don’t understand what’s happening, I don’t want to say that, I want to say I wish you’d kiss me with your pillowy lips until I lose my breath.” He looked even more alarmed now.

Darcy wasn’t sure what kind of game this was, but she was sort of invested. Didn’t everyone want someone to talk to them like this? Well, maybe not everyone. And maybe it was just because it was Loki. Dude was very convincing when he needed to be.

But pillowy?

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Say what now? What’s pillowy?” She bit both of her lips, wondering what was pillowy about them. Yeah, they were plump and luscious, she was well aware of that. She wouldn’t exactly call them pillowy.

“I don’t… your lips look to be the softest things in the multiverse.”

She snorted. “Keep it in your pants, Laufeyson. Don’t make me go get HR.”

“No, I don’t want… Dr. Lewis, you really must allow me to explain. I have been secretly in love with you since I laid eyes upon you.” He sighed in exasperation. “I didn’t want to say that, I apologize, but you’ve captivated me, heart and soul, ever since you asked me to prepare your coffee that first day we met.”

She hadn’t really known who he was at the time, she was sort of eyes deep in all this fucking work. If she’d have known who it was that she was ordering around… well, she’d probably have been a bit meaner about it, to be honest.

But this? This was too difficult to believe. Her frown deepened. “Seriously, dude. It’s not funny. Whatever it is you want, you can have it after I’m finished with this graph.”

“No, I…” He clamped his mouth closed and reached for a pad of paper, scribbling something on it in elegant longhand, but scratching it out furiously when it didn’t yield the effect he wanted. “I… there’s something wrong.”

“No kidding, I didn’t want to say anything, but I think you might have inhaled too much of that weird flower Monica brought back from that alternate branch. It makes you loopy, or so I’ve heard. I stayed away from it. I know I’m a lightweight, I don’t need a weirdo flower to make that readily apparent to everyone in the immediate vicinity. Go sleep it off, you’ll be fine.”

“No, I… you don’t understand…” Loki looked so frustrated. It was almost funny, usually, he drove other people to this, not himself. Karma was a bitch indeed.

“What don’t I understand, dude? I’ve seen Thor drunk before he says a lot of words. Not all of them he remembers.”

“I am not inebriated right now!”

“No, technically, you’re high.”

“No, technically, I’m not susceptible to that alien flora in the same way as Midgardians are. It affects me differently…” he glanced down at his hands and back up at her. “It makes me say things.”

“What kind of things?” Her eyes widened in alarm. “Fuck, is that a sex pollen flower? Like on Star Trek? Or any number of fanfiction stories I might or might not have read in college?”

He frowned. “Sex pollen?”

“Aphrodisiac. Of the airborne variety.”

He scoffed, laughing a little. “Thankfully, no. It appears to affect me differently…” he pressed his lips together. “I think your clever mind will suss it out soon enough without any help from me.”

“My clever mind? It makes you bald-faced lie?” she teased.

He sighed. “No. I lie all the time. It appears that right now, I can’t.”

Her eyes widened once more. “You can’t? So I could ask you anything right now, and you’d have to tell me the truth?”

“It appears that way, yes.”

She chuckled. “That must bother you, dude. Lying’s kind of your thing, isn’t it?”

“Lying is not my thing,” he scoffed.

“Still, it’s a big part of your whole deal,” she said, gesturing vaguely in his direction before turning back to the screen.

“That’s it?” he asked after a few silent beats.

“What’s it?” she asked.

“You could ask me anything. Anything, and I’d have to be truthful with you. Most beings would give their right leg to be in your position.”

She sniffed. “I’m not most beings, Loki.”

“So I’m beginning to see,” he said quietly, materializing a chair to sit in and watch her. “You’ve got a kind heart, Dr. Lewis?”

“Don’t know about that, but I’m not a dick,” she replied bluntly.

“And are having a shared hallucination?” she shrilled.

“Sit down... come here...” She let him lead her over to the sofa. As they sat down on it, he slid his arm around her and squeezed.

“Wherever we are, we’re together, so we’ll be alright...”

She let her head fall on his shoulder and they sat there for a long, quiet moment, just trying to figure out what was going on.

And while they were in the middle of that, a man walked into the room. Darcy was pretty sure she’d never seen him before in her life, but she also felt like she might know him? It was strange. She felt oddly at ease with his presence. He was wearing all black. Tailored suit. He looked nice.

A tall man. Dark hair.  He walked passed them on the sofa, leaning over as he did and clearly looking down Darcy’s blouse. Then, he whistled softy and continued on his trek across the room and grabbed a book from the shelf.

He then proceeded to take a seat in the easy chair and open the book. He licked his finger tips and turned a page, getting comfortable.

“Who in the fuck are you?” Steve blurted. “And why did you just look down my wife’s blouse?”

The man slowly looked up at them, catching their gaze for the first time since he’d arrived and abruptly dropped the book into his lap.  It passed through and he stood.

“Can you see me?”

“Um, yeah?” Darcy replied. “We can see you. Who are you?”

He visibly swallowed and held out his hand, a sickly sweet smile spreading across his face. “I’m Loki. And if you can see me, I must have clearly not put up the correct shields this morning. I can promise not to bother you again, I’ll just go shield myself and then---“

“No wait,” Darcy called, just as he turned. “Maybe you can help us.”

“Help us?” Help us how?” Steve hissed.

Darcy shrugged. “I’m out of ideas.”

“Fine.”

“We were driving back from the hardware store and um... I don’t remember getting home?” she said. And the car’s not outside. And we can’t leave. What is happening?”

Loki pursed his lips and held up one finger, turning and walking from the room.

Darcy groaned and flopped back on the couch. “Well that was useless.”

“Sorry, babe...” Steve sat back down beside her.

“I apologize for my abruptness,” Loki returned with yet another book. “I had no idea there’d been an accident. That certainly explains why you can see me.” He held out the book to them. “I didn’t think to look inside the cover. It’s been inscribed to you and Steve, Darcy.”

“How do you know my name?” she asked.

“I’ve been living here for a while now, I sort of picked it up,” he said, smiling in a bashful sort of way. “Hope that’s alright.”

Darcy took the book. “What is this?”

“Handbook for the Recently Deceased?” Steve read off the cover. “What kind of joke is this?”

“You said there was an accident,” Loki replied. “And the car’s gone? And you can’t leave the house through the doors?”

“Yeah.”

He smiled in a placating sort of way and gestured tot he book. “I thought it had been mistakenly delivered to me. It’s happened before. I move so often. But... I believe this one is yours.”

Darcy sat down hard on the sofa.

Steve sat down beside her.

Loki took a seat in the asy chair. “And I hope this isn’t a terrible time. But if you find it within your hearts to allow me to remain here, I’d be very much obliged. It’s quiet and lovely. I know I came with the house, but... if you could think of keeping me?”

“Keeping you?” Steve asked. “You can do what you wish, can’t you?”

“Until I’m spotted by the owners of the house. Then, it’s up to you.”

“You stared at Darcy’s breasts,” Steve said bluntly.

“Because they’re very nice breasts, I’m sure you can attest,” Loki said with a grin. “I also stared at you, but you were sitting on your most stare-worthy asset, so...” he shrugged.

Steve blushed and Darcy smirked. “Yeah. You can stay,” she replied.

Darcy!”

“Why not? We’re dead. The more the merrier, right?”