#whorses

“Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop.” ― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland 

It was never a hard task for Shane to connect with people. People can be one of a kind, but Shane was one of many kinds. A lonely existence perhaps, that could be not so lonely when finding someone he shared many things in common.

There was no way to avoid it. Jamin felt it in the air. He began to lose him piece by piece, just slipping through his fingers. After All Stars 3 a switch was pressed. Drag Race always changes everything in one try out, if you get the chance to come back it’s a damn revolution.

Shane was the one to confess.

He got emotionally involved with Trixie and the one night they had a gig together he wasn’t able to control himself anymore. He cried and asked Jamin to forgive him, begged on his knees, that it was just a fling but it was just too much.

He had not only cheated on him, but cheated with Trixie. Fucking Trixie Mattel, the constant ghost of his life.

Jamin cut him loose.

The day of his fortieth birthday he got a card from Shane. He read it and rip it. The facade behind Acid Betty was that Jamin had the sweetest fairy tales illusions. That when he would turn 40 he would have someone to share his life with because he really believed that was possible, but instead of that he had meaningless sex with someone that wasn’t Shane for the first time. He was completely hammered, covered in sweat in the small bathroom stall, the dim light, or was it just dark in his head?  The much younger man was eager had bleached blond hair, and was grinding harder on him, the birthday hat both were wearing on the floor. He was hard and what’s his name was determined to make him very happy. But there was a wave inside of him, that kept coming back and getting bigger. He still loved that mothefucker so much.

The worst thing about their break-up it wasn’t because Jamin didn’t love him anymore. It wasn’t because there was no desire. The ultimate betrayal was the lack of sighs of the upcoming disaster.

He impatiently grabbed the younger men by the ass pushing him against the wall trying to break the ocean.

A blink of an eye and it was Christmas.

The colorful lights in New York reached a new dimension. Christmas in New York has always been the most magical experience. Time heals everything is not true. At least not in such simple terms. Times heals without you being aware of it. One day the pain paralyses and breaks you in thousand pieces, and the other day the pieces crawl back together. The other day you’re whole again, all stitched and glued. Just like that.

Thorgy and Trixie were in a mini Christmas tour together. Jamin had no idea if they were in a relationship, and he honestly didn’t care. He was involved with new projects and planning of moving out of New York. That city was stained. Brooklyn was a cursed territory.

But ghost of past Christmas was there.

He was having a drink in the bar with some friends and on the TV hanging on next to the drink shelves they were showing many RuGirls presentations. When he raised his head to see who was going to be the next, the duo of musicians were there.

Trixie was sitting on a stool with her guitar, a colorful flowered dressed with long sleeves and white boots and Thorgy was sitting next to her following the song with the violin. She was wearing a red sequin dress with a big bow she wore last Christmas tour, but with a beautiful styled blond wig.

Jamin suddenly couldn’t hear the noises around him, as if there was only the TV in front of him. Trixie was singing looking at Thorgy and the audience and  had a sweet smile. The same sweet smile Jamin saw countless times at home. When Shane was his home.

He kept looking at Thorgy’s expressions, and the image was getting closer and closer, and he could see a sort of sadness in his eyes and the picture was zooming more and more until, there was only his eyes, all grained like they were trapped in a 60’s tv show.

*

Jamin woke up with a big gasp as the air filled his lungs again.

He was laying on his couch, his glasses all crooked on his face. There were drawings all over the coffee table with sparkling stones all over it . A bunny ears head piece was half beaded on the corner of the table.

He checked the time in his cellphone, almost 2 AM. Shane was out for Alotta’s auction and he said he was staying in but Jamin had a bad taste on his mouth. His stomach was aching and when he checked himself in the mirror he was pale as a ghost and his skin positively zombie-ish.

The urge to vomit was building up and before he realized that he was feeling sick too fast he ran to his bathroom toilet and threw up all the pizza and wine he had earlier for dinner . He hugged the toilet for awful two minutes after three big sprays of vomit making he feel like Linda Blair.

He leaned on the wall sitting on the cold tile, his head spinning fast. When he closed his eyes Thorgy was fucking Trixie in a bedroom that looked like the cabin from Evil Dead and then he opened them fast, panting. What the fuck was in that pizza? He didn’t even drink the whole bottle of wine.

He dragged his body to the living room again collapsing on the couch. He was feeling cold and didn’t want to get up again to grab some water. He accepted his destiny of dying in that couch when he heard the door opening and Shane coming in, his leather bag full and a tray with cupcakes on his hands.

“Girl, the auction today was so much fun! Alotta asked why didn’t you come and called you Gollum. You need indeed to get out more...”

Jamin has been in a very creative state lately, and since he was the one making everything and their travelling schedule was busy, Thorgy in gigs, and Acid in the Werq the world tour,  he gladly welcome isolation in his studio when he was at home.

Shane was putting everything on the kitchen table and not noticing that Jamin didn’t even move from the couch. He kept babbling about the people he saw there and how some of them were treating him differently because of AS3 when he joined Jamin in the living room.

He had the tray of cupcakes on his hands and he was wearing Jamin’s new Mickey hoodie. Also he didn’t remove all the traces of makeup because he still was wearing a bit of eyeliner and his lips were still red as if someone just kissed him.

“What’s wrong?” Shane noticed putting the tray on the coffee table and sitting in front of him on his knees and pressing his palm on Jamin’s forehead. He removed his glasses to take a better look at him and he looked zoned out.

“I felt sick...threw up everything...maybe there was something on the pizza I don’t know” he replied slowy as Shane caressed his face. He was still feeling cold with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

“Poor baby” Shane pouted rubbing his forearms to make him feel warmer. Jamin reacted weirdly about Shane touching him. The fresh nightmare still resonating in his memory.

“Is that my sweater?” Jamin noticed also that Shane was wearing his black beaded pants. “And why are you wearing my pants?”

“Yeah!” Shane replied excited  closing the zipper and showing the Mickey print. “I dressed up as you since you’re not going out anymore. Happy Halloweeeeeen!” he giggled opening his arms in a big ta-da and then kissed the tip of Jamin’s nose. “Your friends miss you” he confessed stroking his chest in circles. “And I miss you”

When Shane leaned to kiss him it was too overwhelming. Jamin leaned his head to the side and winced pushing Shane away.

“Vomit breath” he justified. Shane’s smile faded awkwardly.

“I was just giving you a peck, relax” Shane got up a bit irritated with his rejection.

Jamin closed his eyes in regret. He had no idea why he was treating Shane like garbage lately, and maybe the dream was his own unsolved issue with Trixie and the fact that he was feeling jealous of Thorgy’s connection with her. Trixie was the constant mistake he had to deal with. Their relationship was friendly, but he would always be the bitch that came for the most  beloved doll.

And he was afraid again she was going to stain the thing he loved the most.

It all made sense now. Even though he was still feeling sick. He observed Shane checking his phone standing up and he gathered forces to sit up too. He saved him cupcakes and looked adorable with Jamin’s baggy pants and hoodie.

“Thorg, sorry, It’s just the sickness speaking... I feel like there’s an alien inside of me”

Shane left the room and came back with water and some pills. He sat on the coffee table in front of him and Jamin laid again on the couch. Shane wasn’t as cheerful anymore but seemed to be okay.

“Just drink lots of water and take these pills. Not now though” he warned and stopped Jamin from taking the pills. “You have an empty stomach. Just drink water and rest. Don’t even think about eating the cupcakes”

Shane continued checking his phone and took off the hoodie and undressed of Jamin’s pants. Jamin observed him folding them nicely and when turned to leave Jamin grabbed his leg and sat down facing him, even if it made him more drowsy.

“I had a nightmare”

Shane stopped and his expression softened a little, showing that he was at least curious. He sat on the coffee table and Jamin still had his hand on his thigh, the thumb caressing his naked knee. They were inches in front of each other. Jamin smoothed his hair trying to find the words and look less nauseated, but  Shane didn’t say anything as if he just wanted Jamin to answer why he was acting so weird the past weeks once and for all.

“You cheated on me. With Trixie.”

When Shane heard the name Trixie he immediately chuckled in disbelief.

“And we broke up, and I had moved moved on. And you two were touring together and happy as two clown musicians. And I had sex with other men....”

Shane folded his arms on his chest and shifted position with the confession. Jamin took a deep breath and tried to focus again, even though his stomach was swirling again.

“And it was...not good. Because even in dreams I seem to only love you. I guess I’ve been acting weird because I feel like after AS3 everything is going to change. Again. Drag Race brought us together and I think it’s going to tear us apart this time. And you’re friends with Trixie. And I thought I got over the whole situation with her, but you mentioning her and being with her in gigs....fucked me up. It’s stupid, and doesn’t make sense, and I should know better. But I’m a tired ass jewish man that is turning forty and still lost as fuck”

He shrugged hoping for the best. Shane seemed to be still processing everything and he almost said anything and then stopped again confused.

“I- I- I don’t even know what to say. I guess sorry that I didn’t realize how my connection would Trixie would bother you? I never thought you would care because I’m the sensitive one. But after all of this, I guess I’m the asshole…”

“No, no, no” Jamin pleased caressing both of his knees and cupping Shane’s hands. “This is stupid. I’m acting like a prick lately, it’s what I do, I tend to isolate myself when I don’t know how to deal with something”

“Jamin, my connection with Trixie is just as a sister. We sure have many things in common, but we want completely different things and living completely different moments”

“I know, I know, you don’t have to justify anything. This dream, even though it was horrible, made me sorta snap out of it”

“I thought you were just like, over me. Like what the fuck did I do proposing to this bitch? Am I really going to marry Thorgy thor?”

Jamin rolled his eyes and kissed him pulling his head with both hands but Shane kept still. He kissed him slowly, his fingers caressing his earlobes.

“You do taste like vomit” Shane replied laughing when Jamin trailed down to his jawline and he stopped and pulled back.

“Well, I warned you”

They realized the TV was on the whole time and both looked at the screen, and Plan 9 From Outer Space was on.

“I had a dream about you last week too. I don’t remember much but I was a teenager in my dream, and I was playing in the school band. And you were the new music teacher. And you played the keyboard, and had lots of tattoos and I had a huge crush on you...and my dad, he read my diary and found out that I was writing all these dirty stories with you, and he threatening me to get me out of school…

“Oh my god, that is....detailed?” he replied surprised and laughing leaning on the couch. Shane peaked on the TV again “Why you didn’t tell me sooner?”

“I don’t know, you know I’m crazy, I always have stupid dreams” he shrugged.

“You must have been cute as hell as a teenager” Jamin smiled thinking about it and opened his arms inviting Shane to cuddle in. He laid by side placing his head on his chest and they both kept glancing on the TV.

“If you think greasy hair and really bad acne is cute. Also my brows were out of control. And I used to listen to symphonic heavy metal every day. Dream dad would be very mad to see me right now. He was right to take me out of that school”

Jamin hugged him tighter and kissed the top of his head.

“And you know what’s weird? I do play the keyboard”

Shane shifted and got out of the embrace looking at him with opened mouth.

“I’m the tall dark stranger your parents warned you about” Jamin replied biting his lower lip and raising his brows.

Shane scoffed looking at his sick face with dark circles under his big blue eyes.

“A bit paler than in my dreams I must say”

They kept in silence. Jamin was feeling much better with Shane’s warmth next to him and the slumber was taking over again, they were both almost falling asleep as Bela Lugosi’s monsters talked on the screen.

*

Jamin spent the whole afternoon in his studio making the new makeup video for Halloween. It was great testing new materials and trying new editing programs. He was very happy with result checking the camera pictures, still covered in pearls and face with still some traces of makeup, until he realized what time it was.

He was late as Alice’s bunny. His flight was in three hours and he had almost nothing packed. He heard a knock on the door and it was Shane.

“What are you doing here? Isn’t the Roast in like an hour?” he asked before saying hi. He was still startled about being late.

Shane was struck with the vision of Jamin shirtless covered with pearl necklaces and wearing those baggy pants he had that traced his crotch and ass in a marvelous way.

“What is happening here?” he was opening a mischievous smile and getting up, looking around the studio. “I came to pick up the things Alotta had separated for Halloween, remember? Hey, I wanna see the pictures!”

Jamin rolled eyes and picked the camera showing him and Shane started to pass and zoom them.

“This is incredible, it’s my instant fave right now” he was amazed with what he was seeing. Jamin finally could take a look at the man in front of him. Shane was wearing a fun yellow t-shirt on, printed with all women characters from Kill Bill, social black slacks that fitted perfectly and black Toms. Hair all up and neat and smelling fresh. Jamin checked the watch again. Alice’s bunny yelling “I’m late, I’m late, I’m late!”

“What?” Shane asked clueless about his boyfriend hungry eyes.

“You look really good, I mean, these pants. They actually fit you” he voiced checking him out like he was a delicious dessert.

“I had these forever. I used to play with them in gigs, they are nice, right?” he twirled still not getting what Jamin really wanted.

So he made it clear.

Jamin hovered over Shane kissing him urgently and he almost dropped the camera when he answered his embrace.

“Are you sure you want to do this, I-I don’t think we have time...I’m gonna be….” Jamin grinded harder pushing him against the wall making him almost bump his head on the top shelves with miniture toys. “Oh shit!”

Shane tried to put some sense into his head but there was something else on it. Jamin’s erection was poking between Shane’s legs and Jamin was trying to remove the necklaces but Shane stopped him.

“Keep them on” he pleaded panting and Jamin held his hand and they went to the couch trying to not step on the mess that was on the floor. Jamin sat and Shane was in front of him and he pulled him by the waist kissing and nibbling on the flight of his pants, while his hands grabbed Shane’s ass, making him moan and giggle at the same time.

“Take them off I’m still getting out and these are black….” he asked gathering all the coordination he had taking off the yellow t-shirt and Jamin unfastened his belt quickly, pushing down his pants so he could get out of them and the shoes. Jamin took the opportunity to get out his pants too and he was stroking his cock looking at Shane undressing, and one shoe got stuck in the pants and he jumped three times to get rid of them making Jamin laugh, sorta breaking the mood.

“You looking at me, jerking off with pearls and smudged makeup on….” Shane said as he approached Jamin’s lap, straddling him slowly, his cock sliding between his butt cheeks. “It’s such a Velvet Goldmine fantasy”

Shane started to rock slowly, cupping Jamin’s face with both hands as he rubbed Shane’s back, his thumbs ran up his spine, fingers fanned out over muscles that tensed and released under pressure. Shane’s cock was hard and slick, rubbing against the pubic hair of Jamin’s tummy as the kiss was deepening. With the friction of Shane’s body rocking against Jamin’s, his little hairs of the chest kept getting stuck in Jamin’s pearls.

“Ouch” he complained after another pull,  stopping kissing and looked down his  chest that was all red. Jamin winced. The skin was quite irritated.

“I can take them out”

“No” Shane demanded pulling him with a fistfull of pearls and Jamin started licking Shane’s chest, nibbing on his nippples and pulling him closer making him moan louder in approval. As Jamin was working on his nipples and caresisng his ribs, Shane was undoing his hairdo letting some part of the dreads lose and Jamin licked the area next to his armpit  making him laugh and getting even more turned on.

Shane then grabbed one of Jamin’s hands and licked his fingers, letting a lot of saliva run down on them. Jamin’s hands were still a little bit dirty with makeup.

“Sorry” he said giggling noticing Shane’s face with the taste of his fingers. But they were slick enough so he could warm him up a bit. “I have lube in the bedroom”

“I’m not going anywhere” Shane lifted a bit and that was the sign. So Jamin inserted two fingers inside him slowly, getting in and out as Shane pushed him harder against the couch’s cushion and making Jamin grunt louder.

His hips were finding a perfect ride rhythm as Jamin kept pushing two fingers, feeling him tensing up around them, his cock covered with pre-cum rubbing under Shane’s balls.

“Fu...you need to slow down a bit…” Jamin begged holding down his hips with both hands and Shane stopped completely breathless.

“We’re late, bunny…” Shane bluntly said out of breath and raised his brows, guiding Jamin’s hand to reach for his cock, teasing his entrance.

He started penetrating him very slowly, watching Shane enjoy every inch of it arching his back. They haven’t had sex in more than three weeks so he needed to be gentle even though he wanted to fuck the shit out of him right now. He was tight and so very, very hot. He thrusted hard into him once and Shane threw his head back, losing his  breath like Jamin pushed it out of his lungs. "You want a little more?"

"I want a lot more" Shane didn’t hesitate through gritted teeth, riding him harder. It was his turn to lose his breath for a split second, then Jamin thrusted back into him , shoving and raising his hips, the hands pinning Shane’s hips.  His delicious panting as the muscles squeezed around Jamin’s cock.

Shane pulled the pearl necklaces making Jamin lean forward to kiss him and embrace him by the waist and Shane kept riding him non stop...their bodies locked, Jamin feeling  the old couch making crumbling noises.

“We’re going to ruin this couch again” Jamin said laughing and panting reaching for Shane’s cock to stroke it as his other arm kept him stabilized in an embrace but Shane seemed to be completely dazed, eyes closed and moaning like crazy.

He grabbed Jamin’s chin and looked him in the eye, “Fuck me harder and I’ll pay you a new one”

Jamin flipped him making him lay on his back on the couch and now he was on top, with Shane’s legs over his shoulders as he pounded him harder answering his challenge. Shane pulled him by the necklaces again and one of them broke splitting pearls all over him, but Jamin kept going and Shane was working on his cock when Jamin laid over him reaching for his neck. He was feeling Shane tighten around him , hearing his cry out softly with every one of his thrusts. He was buried deep, hitting his prostate, biting into his neck again, his face brushing on his dreads spread on the cushion. He'll leave a mark. They'll deal with it later.

“I’m so close, just like that, just like….oh...fuck…!” Shane whispered with eyes wide shut.

And then he felt Shane tightened around him like a vise, an electric shock, a whirl of pleasure hitting him deep in his stomach making Jamin following him seconds later. His entire body stiffened growling in pleasure, and he wondered if the sparks flying off their bodies were going to catch something on fire and how that couch didn’t break.

He collapsed on Shane’s body. The pearls all over the floor, and his long legs wrapped around him, as he was listening his heart beating like a heavy metal drum slowly finding the classical sonata pace again.  

“I was…” Shane still breathless, and Jamin’s weight on him was not helping. “Kinda triggered when those pearls broke, having a flashbacks with my lipsync with Chi Chi…”

They both laughed and Jamin got up all sweaty and removing what was left of the necklaces. He grabbed some tissues on the table and cleaned the hot liquid on his stomach and on his cock, putting his pants on.

“I still need to pack. You want shower again, right?”

Shane just nodded with a post orgasm satisfied smile, and then Jamin approached and leaned planting kisses on his stomach.

“I feel like I can’t walk yet”

“Hey, you asked for it. Let me get you a towel”

“I’m not complaining”

Then Jamin leaned to kiss him before leaving the room.

*

Half an hour later Shane was in the car with Ruby Roo and Kirk going to the roast of Sherry Vine, fixing her hair. Kirk noticed the red marks on Shane’s neck.

“You might wanna cover these...allergies” the redhead implied handing him Ruby’s foundation powder.

Ruby looked back a little suspicious.

*

Jamin spent a week having dreams about it.

After the proposal, his groom-to-be was swept away to the technicolor land and fake brick walls of AS3. Shane needed to hoard for clothes and be sure he got everything he wanted in the midst of fighting inner and questioning voices, that were rattled and louder with such a big event coming.

He didn’t want to make him even more worried with his own feelings about the subject. Jamin reached the point of his life that being overshadowed somehow by younger queens didn’t trigger him anymore. Especially one that he loved so much.

Damn, especially one that he planned to spent the rest of his life with.

The last time he saw Shane, their good-bye was rushed, they were at his doorway in Williamsburg, three minutes for the Uber to arrive, Kirk in the hall waiting for the elevator. Shane had sweaty palms and was biting what was left of his nails. Jamin took his hand from the mouth, before Shane started having them for dinner, and kissed his knuckles.

“You need to paint them black, so save these fingers for later” he reassured him and Shane smiled relieved for seconds before leaving.

*

People fleet quite easily from one’s memory.

Getting back to his old reclusive life was easy for Jamin. Since they started their relationship this was going to be their longest period apart, but dealing with the distance was not that hard anymore. But the uncertainty of their future after Shane would come back was slowly creeping.

Jamin wasn’t the one to be consumed by anything, even if it meant to come undone.  He taught himself how to stop emotional investments since a very young age. He was more than used to people leaving, disappointing him. It was a matter of survival, to low his expectations.

He could say he knew Shane. He felt safe with him.

He knew when he was lying to trick him, because there’s always a sort of hidden smirk in the corner of his mouth. He knew all the signs and freckles along his long body and moods of his hair. Each hairdo meant a different feeling. His favorite was when was too lazy to care how messy the dreads were, just sorta tying up some of them loosely.

But would he know post All Stars Shane?

A big change was coming, but he tried blocking the anxiety. There was nothing to do but wait. So he did what he was the best. Worked his ass off. New design projects, new outfits, new merch. Everything he could put his crafty hands and mind on.

After filming, Shane come back home, and promised to tell him everything about the All Stars experience when he was ready, and Jamin didn’t want to pressure him at all. He didn’t want to be with Thorgy, he missed Shane.

His busy boyfriend spent three days in Brooklyn and then he was in Montauk with his family. Jamin knew how being with his folks eased his mind, and he was going to join them but he had so much work to do, so he thought it was for the best. The beach was lovely and the weather wasn’t too hot. Shane would come back probably still smelling like sunscreen and margaritas and he would sleep nuzzling his sunburnt neck.

He was in bed eating pizza when Shane texted him to have a quick Skype session. When Shane’s face appeared on the screen, his nose was pitched rose, the green of his eyes popping like emeralds. His arms were half tanned and half pale.

“What?” Shane asked with the gaze of his boyfriend on him and checking himself, fixing his dreads that were quite frizzled. “I know, I look like a hippie that sells necklaces made out of seeds by the beach”

“You do. God, I miss you. New York, isn’t New York without you, love...” he replied putting the pizza down and smiling.

Shane was slowly blending in his musical taste to Acid’s. He spent three days listening to St. Vincent’s new single and it stuck on Jamin’s mind. The bright primary colors of the video and the lyrics could be their constant state of mind.

“Someone’s been listening to my ipod.” he smiled proud at himself and then realized how sweet that was. “Tomorrow” he reassured Jamin hugging his legs and caressing the screen like a pet. He seemed to be on the kitchen and there were people talking around him. “Save a piece for me. You know how I like them cold. This is my niece’s laptop. Can you believe she knows how to use the internet? When this happened?”

“Ask her to teach you then”

“Fuck y-” he covered his mouth with a big ooops expression and cackled. You are never old enough to curse in front of your family.

They didn’t last too much longer on the conversation. They had all the time in the world tomorrow.

*

One of the big changes in Jamin’s life after Drag Race was coming back to Brooklyn. Really coming back to Brooklyn night and being accepted with the girls. Alotta was one that he got closer. He was loud, honest, knew everything about video games and sports and and had a huge collection of BDSM clothing.

Jamin was working with Alotta to make the Brooklyn corner in Drag Con really special, and they were running the whole week with costumes, pins, stickers, t-shirts  and everything to make their booths nice. It was late at night and he was finishing the tail of his new dress, a sort of fashionable monster, with plastic thorns coming out everywhere.

Alotta was there because Jamin was going to fix some details of her outfit. It was late at night and Shane was going to pick up gloves for Ragga that she ordered. Shane was also running out of time to pull everything together.

Jamin’s dress was on the mannequin as he analyzed if the length of the tail was right, measuring tape around his neck, scissors in one hand.

“So this will be my first day look!”

Alotta entered the living room wearing a jockstrap, football shoulder pads and a mask that covered his whole face covered with plastic sticks. Jamin quickly glanced at his friend body, dominic was typically his type. Hot but a little rough around the edges. It felt like ages ago, before Shane becoming all he desired.

“Isn’t this your everyday look though, bitch” Jamin teased him drawing his attention back to the dress.

“It’s NYC drag con, I need to show quintessential Alotta too”

They heard the lock opening and Shane was there in seconds, leather bag in one shoulder, a zebra printed shirt on, wearing baggy shorts and toms. He was taken by surprised with the vision of Alotta semi-naked so close to Jamin probably.

“Um, hi” he replied smiling softly and widening his eyes a bit hesitating.

“I was showing Acid my first day look” Alotta whirled again, his bare hairy ass looking fabulous with the strap on.

“You use this to go to the grocery store though” Shane answered putting his bag on the table and looking at Jamin’s dress. “This is fucking incredible”

“That’s what I said!” Jamin asserted pointing to Shane. And Shane kissed Jamin on the cheek, which was quite atypical for him. “Hi” he answered his display of affection full of curiosity.

“Shit, I’m leaving. You guys want to fuck and chill, right?” Alotta noticed that and was quickly grabbing his things. Jamin and Shane exchanged embarrassed looks. Everybody that was close enough to them already knew but it was process to getting used to it. “Thorgina, are you coming tomorrow for Beckie’s friend bachelorette party? Acid is going to be my driver. It’s in a fucking mansion in Manhattan, the money is insane. ”

“Pass. I still have shit to do before Drag Con. I have this Marc Jacobs event with a bunch of models for his new perfume at the Plaza…” Alotta raised his brows impressed but Jamin was  still concentrated on the dress.

“Take that All Star gig, honey!”  Alotta teased with his ass up in the air as he picked up his shoes from the floor. Jamin winced with the vision holding a laughter, Shane was still suspicious.

“ And girl, please.I’m not staying in.” he replied tapping Jamin’s arm. “The gloves?”

“So I’m going with you!” Alotta had the idea and somehow Shane looked more relieved, but he shrugged in agreement pretending disinterest. Jamin was finding amusing how transparent was Shane’s jealousy about Alotta’s presence. It was not visible for not trained eyes, but he learned to track down all his body language.

“ Ragga is waiting for me in the car so hurry up” he rushed clapping hands.

“The gloves are on my bed” Jamin replied getting back to work, inserting a pin in the waist of the dress.

Shane got into his room, analysing it real quickly, as if he was going to find evidence of the crime. Jamin’s bed was made. Alotta handed him a jockstrap and winked. He was disgusted holding it like it was dirty.

“Bitch, this is new! Acid says she won’t use it, but that ass and that jewish cock need to be displayed in a jockstrap”

Shane softly chuckled shaking his head, but he put it in his bag anyways.

*

The party and the place was Gatsby luxurious. The mansion didn’t look like it belonged to New York, with the glass walls, high ceilings and flamboyant decorations. The bride and her friends were wearing gloves that Beckie have made for them. Jamin was the only man there but the bartenders that were all the typical gogo-boy types, he even knew one that used to work at the Ritz. It started very early as a pool party, so he got drunk as fast as he could so when Alotta was ready to leave he was sober enough to drive.

Alotta had already performed and he was sitting on the bar stool checking his messages, he was staying in Shane’s tonight but he had no idea when the Marc Jacobs was going to end and Kirk was probably sleeping there too. Jamin was definitely still a little bit drunk when one of the girls from the party sit by his side.

She was wearing a beautiful rosé dress completely beaded in crystals that were matching the beige gloves that were also stoned. She was pale with a long black hair and didn’t seem to have not even twenty-five years old, and too much money and time in her hands probably.

“Hi” she said leaning in with her drink to Jamin’s side. He was so not in the mood to make conversation but he wasn’t going to be an asshole.

“Amazing party, right? Cecile told me your sister made these gloves, these are like, so good” she caressed her forearms. She was completely fried, and leaning in too close to him.

“Yes, I’m glad you girls liked it” he replied softly laughing politely and taking a sip of his drink.

“Oh, by the way, I’m Claire!” she grabbed his leg and spoke to his ear although he could perfectly listen to her from a normal distance.

“I- I’m Jamin.” he replied pulling back as discreet as possible. He looked over her shoulder checking if the group of girls that she was hanging with was missing her. “Um, I like your dress. You look beautiful”

She looked down at her body as if she was aware of what she was wearing the first time and smiled all proud of herself. And then as if she woke up from her lethargic state she was pulling Jamin by the neck for a kiss. The girl’s tongue invaded his mouth, he couldn’t even think to open it and she was pulling him by his sweater.

“I was checking you out the whole night...I’m so sure these bartenders are all gay and I need some real dick, and not lollipop ones…I love older men” she whispered kissing his neck and her hands were all inside his shirt.

Jamin was stopping her slowly and the bartender was looking at them holding a laughter.

“Claire...Claire…” he was grabbing her by the wrist and pulling back, she was petite but very eager to climb him like a tree.

“I know, let’s go to the bathroom” she replied trying to pull him by the shirt and he stopped being so nice and grab both of her hands down in a more firm way. But that seem to make her even more horny.

“Girl, calm the fuck down. Look, I’m gay”

She immediately stopped and pulled back.

“Oh”

And the naughty smile from her face fade away, she looked at the bartender behind them and he nodded his head in confirmation. Straight rich girls probably never heard of Acid Betty or Drag Race.

“I feel so stupid…” she said laughing and covering her face but finally understanding why that man was rejecting her. “It’s just that you, you didn’t seem gay at all” she honestly put it.

Jamin was wearing jeans and a black sweater and his stubble was quite thick but he was pretty sure his gayness could be seen from a mile, so he was lowkey offended.

“Sorry” she said still rubbing her face, and she fixed Jamin’s sweater that she pulled too hard “If you change your mind…” and then she wrote her number in a napkin and put it in his pocket. Jamin was impressed with her audacity.

“Yep, still full homo and I have a boyfriend” he replied and she shrugged leaving them as Alotta was joining them, out of drag and backpack on her shoulder. She peered at Jamin with smeared lipstick all over his face and the bartender. “Girl, don’t even ask…”

*

Alotta was making fun of straight Jamin the whole ride back home. He dropped his friend at his place and Jamin was unsure if he should tell Shane about it. Alotta said he would laugh his ass off but “Thorgy is weird. When she gets mad she turns into Dexter and will cut you into pieces”

That wasn’t very reassuring. During the whole year Jamin managed to dodge all the bullets of men hitting on him and he ended up with a girl’s tongue in his mouth.

“You might wanna clean that” Alotta reminded him leaning on the window of the car and Jamin pulled the driver’s mirror to clean the lipstick traces .

*

When Jamin got into Shane’s apartment it wasn’t not even 1 a.m. He heard Kirk’s voice from the hallway so she was probably sleeping in. She opened the door eating what it seemed to be macarons.

“We brought a ton of sweets from the hotel” she replied raising her brows.

“Where is Thorgy?” he asked looking around the apartment.

“In the bedroom unpacking”

“Can I pass as straight?” he asked what he was dying to know. The tall redhead cackled out loud in full scoff. “That was the answer I wanted, thank you”

He entered the room and Thorgy was coming back. Jamin was struck by how beautiful she looked, wearing an embodied robe with flowers, a dark and rich red velvet leotard under it. She was blonde with a  vintage black headpiece.

“You’re early” Thorgy noticed picking up three truffles from a goodie bag on the table and stuffing in his mouth.

“You...you, look amazing” he stuttered still impressed and Kirk bumped shoulders with him.

“I know. Sometimes we forget this clown is a beautiful woman”

Thorgy rolled his eyes eating a pizza very much like Shane.

“People are losing their minds on IG about it.” she shrugged as if she didn’t care licking the fingers.

“Well, they should” Jamin confirmed again pointing at all her body. Her obscene long and toned legs looking like a million bucks in the red pumps.

Kirk noticed how smitten was Jamin and got the cue that three was too much for the night. She picked up her bag and her goodie bag and another Marc Jacobs bag with the new fragrance.

“Yeaaah, I’m leaving”

“You’re not sleeping in, today?” Thorgy asked sitting on the kitchen’s table putting her legs on it, the robe’s tail on the floor.

“Nah” and then she exchanged Jamin glances with Jamin that cleared this throat and threw his backpack on the couch.

Kirk left and Jamin joined Thorgy on the tiny kitchen’s table. Billie Holiday was playing on the tv from the living room. He picked up Thorgy’s legs from the table, while she was eating her third macaron, removed her red pumps and put them on his lap and started to massage her toes and the palm of the feet, making Thorgy let go a soft moan. There was a small rip on the left leg of the fishnet tights, that made Acid trow her judging eyes. Her green eyes were sparkling under the heavy eye liner as they wandered through the dirty dishes on the sink.

“So, was Alotta often half naked in your apartment while I was away?” she asked what was hanging in the air since she laid her eyes on that vision. She was playing with the candy wraps and stopped to her arms in front of her chest as a good inquisitor.

“I knew you were were weird about it” he softly chuckled rubbing his thumb on the bridge of Thorgy’s feet. “Girl, are you really jealous of Alotta? Really?”

“I’m not jealous” she cut him immediately raising the pointer finger. “I just don’t think it’s appropriate. Dominic doesn't think it’s a problem if he sleeps with you, or anyone’s else boyfriend. She actually hooked up with many dates of mine while I was still with them, and then she was like “Sorry girl, I thought you were just fooling around”, she rested her case making an impression of Alotta’s deep voice. “Look, I love her, okay? We’ve known each other since forever and we have each other’s back, I was just a little bit startled like having a deja vu….”

Jamin was listening to Thorgy quite surprised while still rubbing her feet. When she was in this monologue state the best thing to do is always to let her go all the way.

“And he is completely your type” she addressed rubbing her forehead, her beautiful nordic profile enhanced by the cheekbones make-up.

“You are my type. Now. That’s all that matters” Jamin reassured him caressing her legs, his hands rising up, but Thorgy wasn’t buying.

“You know what I mean…” she rolled eyes impatiently shifting in her chair. “I’m not exactly anybody’s concept of trade. And everyone wants to fuck you”

Jamin cleared his throat and Shane noticed something strange. She investigated his face for few seconds.

“What?”

Jamin pulled Thorgy’s legs closer to him so he could massage the muscle of her thighs. She was still waiting for the answer hanging in the air.

“First, I don’t know what you mean. You are a fucking handsome man and if you can’t see that I’m here to remind you, even if you roll your eyes every time. And second, a girl kissed me at the party tonight. And I kissed her back since there was no choice since her tongue was popping out like that scene from Alien”

Thorgy had a funny expression of whaaaaat in her face, she even tried to say something but stopped midway stuttering.

“I was at the bar getting my ass drunk while Alotta was doing her thing and apparently, Claire, had eyes on me the whole evening. She really thought I was straight???”

Thorgy laughed so hard she almost fell from the chair.

“Oh god...she knew your sister made the gayest gloves and...oh my god, I’ve been living a lie. All that anal...you were thinking about pussy the whole time!”

Jamin started laughing too and his cheeks were burning, quite relieved. When the laughter was fading away Thorgy was getting in the mood of the languid jazz music playing in the background, so she stood up and straddled Jamin. She stared him in the face and noticed the faint traces of lipstick on his face, and grinded on the fly of his jeans putting his arms around him.

“So what did you think about her kiss?” Thorgy asked shimming her shoulder and biting her lips.

“Ahem, I’ve kissed better girls” he dismissed never leaving her eyes.

Thorgy leaned to kiss Jamin wrapping his head, the long sleeves of the robe covering completely. She was a great kisser, she would go slow first and then fast the pace, moving her head and letting her tongue explore pushing in and out, sucking on his lower lip, gently nibbling on his piercing.

When she let him go for air she was very proud of that the only lipstick on Jamin’s face was hers.

“Sit on the couch” Thorgy asked in a sultry tone straddling out of Jamin.

He sat waiting in anticipation, removing his sweating and keeping only the gray shirt he had under it. The song that was playing was “You go to my head” in Ella’s nostalgic voice and ironically fitting. Thorgy dropped, taking a seat between his knees, and her hand reached down and cupped Jamin through the heavy fabric of his  jeans. He was fighting the urge to get hard the minute he entered the apartment and saw her like that.

She kissed him once again passing roughly her cleavage against his chest. Jamin panted heavily into her mouth, his breath heavy with desire. Jamin tried to kiss her gently, but Thorgy kissed him back with force, sliding her tongue into his mouth and nipping at his lips.

“Is my mouth better?” Thorgy teased into his mouth.

“The best....but I need you to remind me....” he managed to say between deep, breath-taking kisses.

Thorgy tugged his jeans and briefs down finally letting his erection free. She started moving her hands over Jamin’s bare thighs, only inches away from his crotch. She spread his legs wider and lowered her head  planting kisses in his inner thigh.

“Does this ring a bell?” she teased getting closer and closer to his cock. Jamin couldn’t get out more than a grunt, as Thorgy wrapped her fingers around his length and started jacking him off slowly.

Thorgy let the tip of her tongue dart out of her mouth and slowly, tracing a path from the base to the tip of his erection, her headpiece almost tickling Jamin’s belly.

"Oh, fuck, Thorg!” Jamin knew she wasn't’ kidding when she took the head in her mouth while her hands went back to kneading his thighs. Thorgy, musical as she was was, hummed around his length and took him in deeper, holding Jamin’s gaze, looking him directly in the eye.

“Oh, that feels so good” Jamin was whispered melting on the back on the couch, her long earrings brushing lightly his crotch.

Thorgy stopped for a moment and giggled proudly, and removed her earrings throwing them aside. Then she roughly spread his legs further apart, in this position Thorgy had good access to his balls so she put one of them into her mouth. Jamin started to pant, as she tenderly licked the most sensitive parts.

Jamin couldn’t grab her head because of the wig so he gently massaged her shoulder, savoring her approving soft moans at the attention. With his entire sack in her hand now, Thorgy deep-throated him up to the root of his cock.

"Jesus, Sh-sh!” He didn’t seem capable of saying much else and Thorgy liked it, a lot.

Thorgy was drenching him with her saliva, letting her tongue stroke the sensitive underside of his dick, feeling the muscles tighten even more in her mouth. Jamin was sure he didn’t need any more stimulation, but Thorgy still started to suck him off hard while her hands slipped underneath him to squeeze his ass. Jamin gasped as Thorgy left the tip of his cock with a smacking sound.

“In my mouth, okay?” he winked wickedly. “This robe was too expensive to be baptized so soon”

God, he was going to stay with that man forever.

As Thorgy took him in again, Jamin started to buck his hips and squeezed Thorgy’s shoulder harder, caressing her neck with the other hand. She swirled her tongue wildly around the head of his cock, and started swallowing around him when he hit the back of her throat, driving Jamin mad with desire. A shiny layer of sweat appeared on his skin while he was groaning and moaning loudly. He didn’t believe it was possible, but his pleasure increased as Thorgy began sucking with more strength.

"Thorg...I’m gonna...” he tried to warn using his last drop of self-control.

Thorgy sucked in her cheeks with all her might as the strength of Jamin’s grip on her neck became too much. Her nose, the only oxygen source, was buried in Jamin’s lap, thighs pressed against the sides of Thorgy’s face as her fake eyelashes brushed against his pubic hair.

Jamin’s groans became louder and louder, and his breathing started sounding desperate.

“Oh! Fuuuck!”

Thorgy felt the intense rush of hot come inside her mouth, her throat coated in Jamin’s desire for her. With this in mind, she kept sucking him dry, loving every second of him. After the contractions faded, he became flaccid in her mouth, but she lovingly kept on going and licking up every drop of him. Thorgy looked up at him and he smiled with the most innocent face, as if she wasn’t sinning minutes ago.

“The best” Jamin smiled back still panting and drinking in all the pleasure waves.

She was up again, and Jamin sat straight to rub her knees that were pretty red even with the thighs covering them and kissed her hips.

“I need to be free of this tuck right NOW” she hugged his head quickly and ran to the bathroom.

*

Jamin took a shower in Alvy’s bathroom while Shane was getting rid off Thorgy’s clothes in his bedroom. He was faster than Shane, that was toking  a long shower probably to rest his limbs. Jamin brought some candies to the bedroom and a piece of pudding that was on the fridge and didn’t seem too old. Something cold, but not too cold for Shane’s throat. He was probably sore as hell.

He was watching TV and eating the a chocolate truffle when Shane came out of the bathroom only with a towel wrapped around on the waist. He loved when Thorgy would get dirty with him, for sure, but nothing turned him on the most like the vision of post shower Shane, all fresh, his pale skin sill reddish. Jamin was pushing forty this year, and he couldn’t believe how much stamina he still had. Maybe even more that when he was younger, and he was getting hard again.

“Okay, I’m going to show you something, but don’t laugh” Shane warned him still clentching on the tip of the towel.

“I’m definitely not laughing” he replied feeling his cock twitching back to life in his pajamas shorts.

Shane dropped the towel and he was wearing a jockstrap. He turned around quite shyly, but his lean body looked really good in it. Shane’s ass was irresistible, small, but round, enhanced by the black straps.

“This is so not me” he replied checking himself wincing and laughing nervously.

Jamin pulled him to bed and they started to making out again. Few minutes later Shane was getting fucked doggystyle while Jamin pulled his hair back like a leash. He left his big mirror in the room while he was dressing up before going to the plaza. Jamin asked him to watch himself in the mirror while he was thrusting him from behind, whispering how hot he was, and how much he loved him, and he smiled in pleasure biting his lower lip, surrendering completely to the moment.

*

Jamin analysed the finished dress proudly in the mannequin.

He loved Drag Con. Electronic music was blasting in the living room. He looked over his phone on the table ringing with Shane’s message.

“Alvy wants to kill me, half of my merch prints are defective and they only noticed now so I need them replaced by tomorrow, and my jumper is still not ready. You're the only motherfucker in the city who can stand me…”

*

“Okay, I think we have enough footage of the apartment. One last question and we can wrap it up? I’m going to the club with you to shoot the auction and street takes”

The producer and director of the King of queens series was sitting on a stool behind Shane’s crowded make-up corner. He was paired up with the camera man that seemed completely ready to finish the last shots of the day, fatigue on his face, chewing gun impatiently. Shane was in the process of overdrawing his lips and he wondered how much footage of him prepping they were going to use. Having people following him around the whole day was fun, but he was sure his house reflected him a little too well. An anthropological experience, they’ve captured all the tiny details as if he was an animal of rare habits to catch on camera, and everything was too precious to not record it.

“Living through art can be volatile sometimes I guess, music and drag performance, how do you deal with being blocked? Was there ever a time that you ran out of ideas?”

Shane chuckled nervously and looked down fumbling his brushes. He loves giving interviews because the stream of thoughts inside his head never ceases. But somehow just the word block was a bad omen, incited the feeling back again and he wanted to shake it off.

“You know, as musician, I feel protected” he paused to start his eyeliner and only continued after finishing the wing. He dropped the pencil down and turned his back to them. “Because music is beyond me. It surrounds me. Like if I’m blocked I can practice Brahms concerto until I have blisters, the work is already done, I just need to tune in. But drag comes out of me and…” he stopped taking a deep sigh, collecting the right words, gesticulating trying to summon them in thin air. “When my good friends are trying to cheer me up, I always try to remember. My life goes in a sine cosine, you know? When you’re really high you need to know there’s probably a lower point coming. Prepare for it. And when you’re low and you’re sitting like why am I doing this? You gotta know that right around the corner you’ll get inspired again”

The producer agreed pondering his advice and Shane got back to concentrating on the mirror in front of him.

*

It doesn’t matter how successful you are.

If you decide to take a break from work everybody gets worried. People are supposed to never stop the sick cycle carousel, and especially people like Shane are allegedly known for never giving up. When Shane told his dad, he furrowed the brows they both shared, asked if everything was okay financially and asked very awkwardly if Jamin was treating him right. He laughed finding it endearing. Jamin was treating him very right. It was his own soul-searching experience that his boyfriend had nothing do to with it.

Jamin’s reaction to the news wasn’t that much different from his father. I’m not going to take any drag gigs for a month. The big blue eyes widened as if they were going to fall from their orbits. He was in full disbelief but struggling to not throw him wet blankets.

“I want to believe you can, but I think after a week the withdraw is going to kick in and you’re bursting into the I’m so excited number around the house and break everything”

Shane was decided to prove them wrong, but it was way harder than he thought. After cleaning the whole apartment and catching up with errands and chores that were on hold for almost a year, there wasn’t much left to do. Jamin still had gigs booked and was doing his own clean up too. But Jamin was organized and a very active artist. He is always drawing, breaking, gluing and sewing. All at once. The kid that used to blow stuff in his house garage had his own studio and he was there all his free time. Shane worked in a complete different way. He overanalyzed his ideas working on all the outcomes and it took him a while to engage in action.

It got easier when his sister came to the rescue sent by his father. She asked him if he want to teach a kid’s band in summer camp for three weeks. His nieces were too small for summer camp, but their school was quite liberal and his sister assured him he could perform in drag once. He wasn’t totally convinced about that. Or about the whole prospect of it.

After a while marinating the idea in silence, considering all possible scenarios, he told Jamin while they were talking trough Facetime.  Shane was eating Chinese food from the box on bed in Brooklyn and used his pillow as a phone support in front of him. Jamin was in California helping Becky at work and laid down on his hotel room bed.

It took him few seconds processing the most random information he ever heard, Shane continued slurping the noodles of the chop suey until he dropped the box impatiently.

“Fuck, you’re killing me. Just say something!”

“Where is it again? Vermont?” He asked scratching his left eye in a very sleepy tone.

Shane wasn’t expecting this question so he was unsure if he got it right. “Yeaaah? I actually know the place.”

Shane bit his lower lip in anticipation putting down the box while Jamin was still looking at him, thousands of questions behind his reddish eyes.

“I don’t know if I’m going to be a good teacher to these kids, and I know, it’s a complete new world? But I have a good feeling about it? It could go wrong in so many ways though”

“It’s going to be great, Thorg. You love this stuff. Wasn’t this what you had in mind? To disconnect…it’s just that, three weeks…”

Shane face was softening. Jamin wasn’t sure of his capacity, it was something else.

“I guess I was used to have you all day for me these past days…” he confessed giving up to beat around the bush.

Shane tilted his head as if he was watching the cutest video of baby animals on YouTube.

“Come with me”

Jamin scoffed shaking his head and cleared his throat.

“I wasn’t a boy scout like you, thank you very much. I’m an indoors queen. I never got the nature call”

“At least the last days, to watch me perform with the kids…getting a tan by the lake…make out in the woods” he lured him shimming his shoulders and raising his brows repeatedly. Shane felt a shiver down his spine as the memory of their last time in the woods was coming back.

“We’ll see, I can’t promise you anything” he replied being mysterious.

Shane was focusing on his lips on the screen. He kept licking them because of the dry weather.

“I can promise you the best marshmallows you ever eaten.”

Jamin observed him embracing his knees, the sweetest smile on his face.

“You play dirty”

*

The last time Shane was in summer camp he was still a kid. And this was the first thing he realized when he stepped out of his sister’s car into Kidville’s summer camp. The place was huge and surrounded by a forest, it was way fancier than what he recalled. There were cabins for the different age groups, and a main house for dining, lounging and internet connection. No wonder kids these days didn’t know how to do anything. They would comfortably get into the wild.

The other thing Shane came to notice, was that he was surrounded by straight people. And it’s been a long time since he was exposed to so many of them. The counselors were curious about his experience on TV, and how their gay friends watch the show and how cool drag was. Carefully being condescending and observing if he was going to magically transform into a woman.

The counselor for more physical activities such as taking the kids to the woods to show them scout tricks was impressed how he still knew all the tricks. The water activities instructor invited him to help with the kids on the second day. He was rusty in the beginning, but his childhood as competitive swimmer paid off.

A week later and Shane was the kids favorite. Mister Galligan was cool, because he always let them past the time in the lake. He watched Fantasia with the band kids and talked about the history of each song.

His favorite counselor was Dana. She was the drama teacher and her husband was the coach of the baseball team in the school. She looked like Melissa McCarty but with bright red hair. It was late at night and they were at the dinner table in the main house. Shane was helping her doing the dishes, drying what she was washing with a dishcloth.

“Let me finish these. I have some chocolate cake that I sneaked in from the city. It’s in the drawer” she winked at him taking the dishcloth from Shane’s hands.

He picked the cake and sat on the table, setting a plate for her. He was eating almost a whole piece, putting his foot on the chair next to him. They were alone so he could relax.

“Oh, you can eat mine” she said joining him on the table and noticing the plate he made for her. “I bought this by impulse. Brian would sniff the chocolate from a mile”

Brian was the husband. He seemed like a nice guy but every time Shane got near him he felt like he had a mission like Miss Vida in “To wong foo”. Dana didn’t sound unhappy but their relationship was a little bit off lately from what he captured in their late-night conversations.

“You’re gorgeous. You both should eat the cake and enjoy life” he answered cutting one more slice. She observed him giggling as Shane checked Jamin’s last messages. “I was trying to go on a diet but my boyfriend is the one to ruin it. I sent a piece of this ridiculous cake to him. He is awful”

Even though everyone there knew he was gay Shane could swear Meg’s face changed every time he mentioned him.

“Oh, you haven’t showed me a picture of him yet!”

Shane searched in the mess of his cell for pic of Jamin, but he didn’t have many. The best one was taken in a sneaky way, he was sitting on the kitchen’s table staring at his laptop all concentrated. One of the few pictures that he wasn’t making any stupid faces.

“Wow, he is a stud!” she nodded while Shane zoomed the picture.

“He is. But he doesn’t know and he is always escaping from pictures, which is not fair since he is a professional photographer and he takes pictures of me all the fucking time”

She softly chuckled but with a sour taste in her mouth. She couldn’t even remember the last time Brian noticed her enough to take pictures of her.

“How long have you guys been together?” she shook off the feelings focusing on the happiness of her new friend.

“We’ve been friends for almost twelve years, but in a relationship for a year. It still sounds weird every time I think about it but I’ll get used to it eventually.”

“Brian was my high school boyfriend, my first…everything”

“Oh” Shane uttered. “That happens quite often with girls, right? You seem like you were the high school sweethearts”

“We were and somehow still are. And now our kids are becoming teenagers and ugh, sometimes it feels like we never left school”

Shane observed her grabbing a piece of cake and eating it.

“You go, girl. But it’s so good, right? The kids are so great…I don’t know if it’s because I connect with their chaotic train of thought. You get used to artificial lights you forget that there is brightness outside…”

“I would kill for some artificial lights. And make up. And glamour.” she spoke full mouth forking the cake again to retrieve another slice.

“Girl, I can arrange that in a minute. We need a makeover day. I guess…we’re always craving for new places. New platforms.”

“That’s the fuel of being an artist, right?” she shrugged and swallowed another piece, clueless about the answer for the question Shane had in mind the whole time.

*

Shane kept in touch with Jamin constantly but it wasn’t easy since they only had internet connection in the main house, and the activities drained him off a lot. He was helping the band kids, the swimming team and Dana with the costumes for her presentation. He had no idea how useful he could be in that environment.

Week two was over fast.

He was finally tanned, a darker shade and a healthy glow not just burning red serving tourist realness.  His freckles were popping out and his dreads were suffering with the different humidity. He dropped the pounds he wanted to lose just with the constant exercising.

Time was passing by so fast it surprised him. It was good to wake up and having a routine. He didn’t have a plane to catch. Opposite to people’s conceptions, the earth was way gentler than being in the clouds. At the end of each day he didn’t have tips, but the rewards were there. Every time Katie lit up getting the right note.

Week three was there.

Jamin turned down his invitation because Acid was booked the whole weekend. It was Proud month and Shane was aware he was swimming against the tide. He didn’t have high expectations he would come but he was slightly sad.  He really wanted to share this happiness with him.

“Jim, you have to go from G to E minor slowly, the tempo is not right yet. I’m going to play again and you just follow me”

Shane was with the band practicing in the main house. They had a small studio with a lovely view for the forest in a glass wall. Jim was the oldest one and the pianist, fourteen years old and seemed completely done for the day. Shane was sitting by his side showing the correct notes and he was rolling his eyes.

“Mister Galligan, can I go? All the kids already left…the art workshop will start in ten minutes and it’s across the field…”

Shane stopped playing defeated. He was being nip picky and he didn’t want to go full mode neurotic. He smiled and made a gesture for him to go.

“Thaaaaaank you!” he pleaded relieved almost running to grab his backpack. “Aren’t you coming? Today we’re having a new teacher!”

Shane didn’t seem interested collecting the sheets from them piano support but when he heard new teacher his stomach swirled, and before he turned his back a familiar voice entered the room.

“I heard Mr. Galligan was holding the band members as hostages so I came to rescue them”

Jamin was there, hands on waist, wearing classic dad bermuda shorts, backpack on his left shoulder and from what Shane noticed full of art supplies.

“Are you the assistant of Mrs. Holland? I’m Jim!” the boy offered him a hand and Jamin exchanged glances with Shane that was clearly trying to contain his excitement.

“Yeah, I’m Jamin. Please, don’t need the mister”

They greeted each other and Jim was waiting for them to walk him to the class. Shane was too hypnotized with the new assistant to react.

“Er, Jim can you wait outside some minutes while I help Mr…Galligan with the- uh, - he looked around but everything was pretty tied up.

“I’m going to give him his schedule and catching him up a bit” Shane finally reacted pushing the kid gently across the room.

He closed the door behind them and Jamin was already him pushing Shane against the door for a kiss that almost swiped his mouth off.  Jim heard the thump noise outside but continued playing with his cellphone.

Jamin’s arms were around him and his lips latched on his neck as his hands explored his lower back and pulled him grabbing hard his ass to squeeze him further against the door. Jamin was nuzzling his ear on the line of his jawline and planting small kisses, “You smell like sunscreen…and your skin is so warm. I was freezing at home…” he paused to kiss him again slowly, and when he disconnected he looked deep into his eyes, and whispered opening a huge smile, “Mr. Galligan”

Shane giggled with his arms around his shoulder.

“The only place I’m taken seriously”

Then he adjusted Jamin’s glasses that were all crooked and kept staring at him like he was going to fade away any moment.

“I had to reschedule a lot so you owe me many things, this is not for free, bitch. We have two days left for perfect marshmallows, sunlight and hopefully making out in the woods”

Shane was shaking his head feeling sorry.

“Yeaaah, about that. The woods are so guarded here they have rangers and the older kids are camping these days” he pouted. Jamin wasn’t ready to give in.

“Make it work” he demanded slapping Shane’s ass lightly and getting out of his embrace. “Your student is outside and apparently I have a class too. This is so weird”

Shane laughed exasperated. Was this really happening?

“You’re going to be fine. You’re a mysterious kid whisperer. And they’re great here. Just stay away from the Yellow group. They are the third graders and that’s the worst age, I hope my nieces and Ally never grow up”

They left the room to find Jim outside thankfully oblivious of their quick come back make out.

*

Jamin grew up in artificial places. Not that he hated nature, it was nature that provided the inspiration to create his own alternative vision of the world and himself. Acid Betty was untamed in so many levels, always strutting fierce in the wilderness of the night. He had few memories of summer camp, but growing in California and then going to London sort of shun him away from the typical American suburban rituals.

He was the assistant of the main art teacher. She was in her early twenties, typical art student with pink hair and tattoos and a lot of pretentious talk. They were teenagers and they seemed more interested in her hair and Jamin’s piercings than painting techniques. But when they started working, Jamin felt a strange fulfillment looking at their canvas, they all seemed so similar outside, but each one had a different type of stroke, the color use and drawing line. So unique and inspiring.

Jamin avoided social contact as much as he could, but sometimes it was good to remember the good in people.

The day went by fast and after the class it was lunch break and Dana showed him the place. He barely saw Shane, but his name was brought up constantly, which made him strangely proud. Dana seemed sweet and curious, but discreet. He could feel they were the first gay couple she ever interacted in a deeper level.

It was probably past 3 pm and Jamin needed to recharge his cellphone before the next group activity. Then he saw Shane’s message to meet him by the lake.

Shane: Swimming time is finished here. I’m trying to catch a fish for dinner. I have the marshmallows you bring the wood for the campfire…no sexual innuendo intended. Although, yes please.

Dana was talking to the other counselors and side eyeing Jamin. The blond and tall one with a thick beard seemed to be her husband.

Jamin: Dana is with me and she seems determined to not leave me alone. Thorg, you need to rescue me. I interacted with too many people today. I may collapse.

There was no way he was going to get rid of her so they all went to the lake together. It was their break time, but there was a small group of kids playing with a ball near the pier. Jamin eyed Shane from afar, standing up with his fishing rod and no shoes on by the shore. He was still wet from the swimming competition with the kids and his shorts and a white tank top were glued in his skin. The dreads were mostly out and a portion loose in a messy bun.

As he got closer Shane turned with a smile that was brighter than the sun. He wanted to kiss the top of his shoulder full of freckles but Dana and Brian were behind him, so he just brushed his waist.

“Hi” he warned him of his presence rubbing lightly his back. He could swear Shane was going for a kiss but he also remembered they were not alone nodding for Dana and Brian.

“How was it?” he asked curious, exchanging the glance between Jamin and Dana, but still paying attention to his grip on the fishing rod.

“Oh, it was just great! Jamin gave them Acid Betty cards and the kids couldn’t believe they are the same person”

“I can’t believe it too” added Jamin surprised with himself, and he was unconsciously rubbing Shane’s back in circles.

Brian was trying to not stare at them, as if he was watching his parents kissing.

“Shane, are these for the campfire?” Brian noticed eager the beginning of a campfire by the shore. “Honey, help me fetch some more?” he asked tilting his head for Dana. She buffed aware of his discomfort.

“Sure” she replied not excited at all.

Shane looked at Jamin and made an “ooops” face. Jamin observed the horizon and took a deep breath.

“They are so…. straight” Jamin pondered observing the lake buoys. The lake didn’t seem deep but if they were using these it probably had dangerous spots.

Shane was laughing but trying to not lose focus from the water. “I know, I thought Brian was going to faint if you get any closer…”

“But they know, right? About us? I don’t want to hide even here”

“They know” he reassured him. Jamin observed Shane furrowing his brow looking at the lake but the waters remained untroubled.

“How long have you been here?” he asked sitting down on the pier by his side. He removed his sneakers and to wet his feet. The water was freezing cold, and yet Shane was there and wearing almost nothing. He eyed his legs, the water running making a puddle on the floor.

“Maybe half an hour….” he calculated. “I used to go fishing with dad a lot. But he says I’m too impatient and my trace gets too tense.”

“Well, you can’t have all the abilities in the universe”

Shane rolled his eyes and deep sighed. He stared at the line the sky was full of colors, it looked like one of the canvas of his temporary students.

“Thank you for this. I think we really needed it”

Shane just nodded relieved and Jamin grabbed his bare calf, planting small kisses, Shane shivered with the ticklish sensation. He tasted salty and earthly. Jamin was addicted to his new taste. They stood there in silence just listening to the kids playing with the ball behind them. Shane started humming along a song, until he started the lyrics.

Percussion…strings…winds…words

There you see her

Sitting there across the way

She don’t got a lot to say

But there’s something about her

And you don’t know why

But you’re dying to try…

The Little Mermaid was one of Jamin’s favorite movies. Shane was dancing along until he looked down at Jamin and winked.

“You wanna kiss the girl”

Jamin was trying not to be completely in love with this man but it was an impossible task. Especially when he would hit on him singing The little mermaid and making a perfect impression of Sebastian’s singing voice.

“Stop trying to catch poor Flounder and come here” he grabbed Shane’s calf again.

Shane retrieved the rod giving up and sat by his side.

“You want to be my Eric?” he asked his arm around his shoulder, just like he did when Bob and Lucian were arguing in the taping of Street Meatz.

“Oh my god! You’re that crazy bird, that one that brings Ariel all the human objects!”

He said laughing hard and Shane pinched him lightly.

“Bitch!”

They heard an “Uh-hum” sound behind them and Brian and Dana were there for god knows how long.

“The wood is there but we’re leaving. We’re gathering the other counselors before we start the last activities of the day” Brian said avoiding looking at them.

“Shane, it’s getting late but the kids still want to play so you guys can take them?”

“Sure, we’re just putting these away and we’ll follow you” Shane reassured her. She looked bothered with Brian’s presence.

They left and they started packing up. Shane observed that the kids were throwing the ball quite high. Meggie threw the ball in a one high kick and it landed on the lake. She was positively scared after realizing what happened.

“Mr. Galligan can you pick it up for us?”

The other kids were on the shore ready to jump in but Jamin stopped them. The ball got stuck in some branches on the other side of the shore, in a place full of rocks and moss. Jamin observed him ready to jump in, always cocky.

“Shane, don’t you think it’s better to get the coach?”

“I was swimming back there yesterday” he scoffed jumping in.

They observed his broad strokes until he got there. Everything looked easy and the kids were anxious for him to come back. When he stopped at the shore he retrieved the ball with no effort, it wasn’t stuck, just placed in the branches nest. When he showed them the ball like a trophy Shane lost balance and his expression changed for a smile to pain. The kids gasped.

“Are you okay?!” Jamin yelled worried almost jumping in.

“Yes!” Shane answered but still not moving. “I…slipped and I think I scratched my foot in a pointy rock…” he replied looking down at the water calculating his way back.

“Do you want me to get you?”

In the middle of the question Shane was already swimming back slowly. Jamin knew it couldn’t be something so serious but he was ready to rescue him. When Shane got closer Jamin got in the water to help him. As he was walking out the trail of blood was dyeing the water red.

The kids were shocked and Meggie almost crying. Jamin asked them to make way so he could help Shane to sit on the tree trunk next by the firewood.

“I’m fine, I’m fine…there’s no need to panic. Meggie, I’m fine sweetie. It’s nothing”

“Go get the people from the nursery room. I can take care of him”

The kids followed Meggie.

“I can’t even look at it but it’s burning like…fuck!” he winced as he moved the leg and Jamin winced with him. It was a cut on the bridge of the foot. His knee was scratched too.

“How did you even do this?” Jamin noticed kneeled in front of him. “It was so fast”

“The damn moss is so slippery. When I tried to wave the ball, I lost balance and…”

Jamin was worried about Shane but somehow, he was finding it hilarious.

“Stop laughing, this hurt!” he replied annoyed and Jamin cupped his face for a peck.

“Sorry, sorry…you’re just so cocky…waving that ball like a big hero”

He side hugged him and few minutes the people from the nursery room were there.

*

Shane needed two stiches and had to use a crutch so it wouldn’t hurt to put weight on his leg. He was dismissed from the camp activities the rest of the day but Jamin wasn’t. He slept in the hammock of the main room and dreamed about performing in drag for the kids the other day. It was the best nap he took in months.

He took a long bath and come back to the main house for to meet the other counselors for dinner. He wasn’t expecting to be so distant of Jamin the whole day and they didn’t have individual rooms and Jamin’s bed was far from his. He wondered if they would have any time alone at all. After dinner, they played board games and since there was no alcohol allowed they got sugar high with milkshakes from fresh fruits. He was dying for a beer. He was a creature of the night and Jamin’s presence awake his true habits.

“How’s the foot?” Jamin asked sitting next to him on the table and caressing his thigh. His boot was wrapped in a bandage and his knee still red from the scratch. Dana observed them with a sweet smile across the table.

“I probably will have to chop it off” he joked dramatically. It was stinging but the painkiller was kicking in smoothly.

“Do you want another milkshake?” Jamin asked feeling sorry for him. Shane was looking at him as if he was the dessert he wanted to drink in.

“Um, can you find a shot of whiskey and beer?”

Jamin chuckled, his hand going inside Shane’s thigh a bit more.

“Yes? Thousands of miles from here in Brooklyn?” he replied grabbing harder and then standing giving a soft tap. He got up to get more.

Shane sighed frustrated observing his ass in those daddy shorts. Shane felt Dana’s eyes on him the whole time until she finally joined him.

“Are you okay?”

He chuckled. He got balloons of get well, flowers, and people couldn’t stop asking if he was okay apparently.

“I am in-credible. It looks more serious than it really is”

She seemed like she wanted to confess something. She was acting weird the minute Jamin arrived.

“Shane, I’m sorry I-I” she stuttered trying to find the words.

Oh boy, Here we go, he thought.

“I’m acting crazy around you and Jamin, I know I’m staring. I’m just, ugh! I miss this. The way you look at each other. You’re just so full of passion…and Brian, please don’t be bothered with him. He is awkward with people in general”

Shane didn’t know what to answer because it was the first time someone ever said this to him. He realized that all his previous relationships weren’t exactly goals for anyone. And being in a place like that the magnifying glass was on them.

“Girl, just relax… I…we just really happy that we’re here. Thank you for this. And you need to surprise Brian, you need to find each other again. Drop by tomorrow before the kids concert, let’s dress up a bit. You’ll feel renewed”

She opened a big smiled and hugged him profusely.

*

It was late and Jamin was laid on the hammock in the balcony outside, rocking it peacefully. It was a big lounging area, lit only by the stars and the light coming from the living room. Shane’s violin soloist asked him for a private rehearsal since they couldn’t practice and he was waiting him to come back. The silence was luring him to sleep. The city is always so noisy that his ears were getting used to the bucolic environment.

Jamin was sure it was almost midnight, and he was drowsy, limbs sore from the full day. He wanted Shane to come back, and just the thought of him in that pier was enough to make him warm. He felt slowly being taken by the slumber when he saw Shane’s silhouette was forming in front of him. He wondered if it was a dream, but he was very vivid leaning his crutch on the wall and indicating that he was going to join him on the hammock.

It was big but enough for the two of them but they needed to adjust positions. Shane was side laying, his hurt leg over Jamin’s as he used the free leg on on the floor to rock them slowly.

Shane started kissing his neck with no rush, as his hand traveled across his chest. Jamin deep sighed relieved and side kissing him. His hands reached for Shane’s cheek, and his fingers dug his dreads, languid caressing his scalp. Shane’s hands were clutching down his belly searching for the button of his shorts.

“I was going to ask…” Jamin was trying to talk but Shane was rubbing him over the shorts and he couldn’t even finish his thought. “There’s still people in the living room” he warned him panting heavily.

Shane wasn’t in the mood for talking and reached for Jamin’s earlobe nibbling at it. Jamin was feeling Shane’s erection growing on the side of his leg and it was making his cock twitch by the second. He missed him like crazy and he smelled so different. As if all these days in the woods changed the texture of his skin, that mix of sunscreen and his natural musk was driving him insane.

“I asked Dana to watch the door…” he whispered grinding harder on his leg.

Jamin guided his hand to grab his bulge and wiped his mouth in a kiss. Shane’s fast fingers reached for Jamin’s cock and started to pump it, he was a bit surprised with how stiff it was and giggled looking down. They could hear people talking really close to them, Shane then spit on hand and raised his brows. Jamin was always surprised how he could change from adorable to slut in a minute. When he started pumping him more precisely with the natural lube, he let go a loud grunt and Shane continued focusing on the pace and circling the tip with his thumb, making Jamin squirm a bit. The precum was already forming. Jamin was so close it was ridiculous, he needed to hold it back but Shane was definitely inspired.

“Slow down a bit, Jesus…”Jamin asked whispering inside his mouth and Shane stopped laughing and cupped his face for kiss.

“Someone has been missing me…” he teased him grinding harder on the side of his leg.

“Sit…on the armchair” he commanded trying to catch an even breath.

“For a minute I thought you were going to ask me to sit on your face” he replied giggling.

“I wish we could have time and a healthy leg for it” he raised his brows considering it.

There was an armchair in the back of the place but Shane was so comfortable where he was. But Jamin was already moving to be up. He stood up and helped him walk with the crutch to get to the chair. They both laughed of the situation.

“Horny people are determined” Shane commented skipping with one leg.

Shane landed on the chair like a rock and before he started making jokes Jamin was hovering on him kissing his chest and going down to place himself between his legs. He pulled the waistband of Shane’s black and white oversized pants and he remembered all the times they were lose on the taping of Drag Race. Shane lift his butt to help him wincing with the pain, Jamin tried to be more gentle.

“Don’t stop” Shane reassured him.

Jamin continued kissing his crotch and belly as his hand started pumping him, and Shane arched his back sliding on the chair. Jamin kissed his bruised knee and then he was holding the base of his cock to slowly taking him in. Jamin put Shane’s injured leg over his shoulder pushing him down by the hips.

“Fuck!” he let go feeling his tongue inside of him and Jamin went deeper. He tried to looked back but he couldn’t see anything. It was too late. Anyone hat would bust in would see him with legs up in the air with his boyfriend giving him a rimjob.

His voice was fading away as Jamin inserted two fingers inside of him and licking his balls, going up and down exploring his whole length. He couldn’t stop moaning and grabbed the top Jamin’s head, holding his curls like a leash, which make him finger him even harder.

Shane was panting like there wasn’t any air left in the room and he knew he was close and he knew he was getting loud.

“Choke me…” Jamin’s hand reached fast for his neck, making him knocking his head slightly against the wall. He felt sparkles running through his legs and his body curling up as he emptied himself completely in Jamin’s mouth, he didn’t retrieve, his other hand still around his neck. Jamin finally slid out of him swallowing it completely, he caressed his neck that had light red fingerprints and Shane leaned forward to kiss him and reaching for his cock.  In the motion he hurt his foot a bit when he put the leg on the ground.

“Ouch!” he complained and Jamin winced with him, and Shane cleaned what have poured from his mouth with his finger, using it lube Jamin’s cock. Jamin opened a huge smile with his dirty cleverness. He was still on his knees between Shane’s legs.

They were listening to the people in the room talking about the activities of the other day and they both started laughing, but Shane didn’t stop pumping him, and his smile quickly melted into a half open mouth full of desire.

“I can see the headlines…Gays defile summer camp, is this the America that you want?” Jamin teases standing up and pulling down his pants just enough so Shane can finish him off.

Shane takes him all in quickly and with an impressive agility sucks him enthusiastically. His foot was probably hurting like hell but he didn’t min. After a few thrusts, he came hard making Shane gag a little but he didn’t pull away. Jamie peaked at the glass window in front of him, the wind was hitting the curtains and people could easily see him. Shane continued licking him off and kissing his shaft, kissing the sides and going up and down to finish with a peck on the tip.

Jamin leaned down to kiss him already putting his pants back on again, closing his fly and helping Shane to put his pants back on. He helped him standing up and they both fixed each other’s clothes and hair, but they managed to not make much of mess. Shane was still coughing a bit and his neck had finger marks on.

“Soooorry!” Jamin said chuckling while rubbing gently his cheek and neck, Shane picked up a scarf he brought and covered his neck with it. “I think I was feeling my porn actress oats too much…” he giggled skipping-walking with one leg.

“Always cocky…” Jamin squeezed his waist helping him.

When they got back there was only Dana and two other counselors in the room. Dana exchanged a meaningful look with Shane.

“I think we lost track of time and took a nap in hammock”

He explained what nobody asked. Dana eyed Jamin’s reddish knees and he noticed avoiding their eyes meeting.

*

The kids from the band were nervous, but Shane was making sure they were going to be amazing. He was probably more nervous than them, but Jamin calmed him down.

The song chosen was “The heart asks pleasure first” from The Piano movie. There was nothing to be orchestrated but Shane stood in front of them conducting their tempo. He was wearing formal slacks and a dress shirt, drag was off the question since his leg was injured and he only brought high pumps. One classic black shoe and the other feet still in a bandage. Jamin was sitting front row observing all his crazy playing faces. Waving his maestro baton and leaning his body on the crutch. As he watched them playing and seeing the happiness exuding from Shane he knew there was nothing better to be taken away completely by something that you love. The music took Shane, and Jamin was gladly part of the notes.

When they finished everyone applauded standing up in ovation and Shane bowed to them, locking his gaze in Jamin. He had tears in his eyes.

*

Later after the camp goodbye they were sitting on the deck drinking some beers with their foot on the water. Shane put Leon Bridges on his phone playing, and the gentle guitar soaring, his cotton voice echoing.

“We don’t have this in Brooklyn…” Shane realized looking at the sunset.

“You know, you really have to continue with this. Playing for kids. Conducting. Watching you there was…incredible” he reached for his hand and Shane squeezed back. He looked down laughing and shaking his head.

“I fucked up many notes, but who cares right?” he shrugged and took one more sip. Jamin agreed and they clinked bottles. “I love you”

He uttered still looking at the sunset. It wasn’t a desperate confession or a realization. Just a reminder of simple things.

“I love you too” Jamin answered taking a sip of his beer and kissing the palm of Shane’s hand. They stayed there until the sun set down completely, all the colors melting into blue velvet. The memories still safe and vivid in their minds.

Bob jumped three times on the doorway of his apartment to get rid of the snow on his coat. His bones were still shaking from the chilly weather outside, the lips frost and cracking. His assistant popped out from the elevator with the rest of the suitcases and bags mumbling complaints. Bob was fumbling inside his backpack to find the keys.

He was still jet lagged and it was almost 1 AM. When he found the sneaky keys, he felt the phone vibrating inside his jeans pocket.

“What the…” he started the unfinished sentence.

“You’re not getting any booty call until you help me unpack this shit” the younger man behind him protested.

Bob rolled eyes profusely as he recognized the name on the screen. He accepted the call placing one hand on the waist impatient already.

“What the fuck is going on?” he asked sharply before even the hello.

“I know you’ve just arrived from the trip probably but I really want to see you. Shane is driving me fucking insane, I don’t know what to do, I have nobody else to talk to.”

The familiar deep voice on the phone was a little bit higher and trembling.

“W-w-w wait Betty, where are you? I’ve just got home, bitch. I can’t with this telenovela of you two right now-

Jamin cut him before he could finish the sentence, “I don’t know where he is. Come here…please. I’m at that bar near my place.”

Bob deep sighed closing his tired eyes and checked the late hour again on his watch. His assistant was listening everything very interested but quite impatient for Bob’s decision.

“I’m there in maybe half an hour? Hold your damn horses”

He hung up and turned his back to his assistant with pleading innocent eyes.

“Yeah, girl, I need to go. Ya know.” he tried explaining cheaply while his assistant wasn’t impressed at all, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Bob hugged him anyways and got back into the elevator. He was heavy breathing again, but not from the cold.

“What the fuck did you do, Throgy?” he wondered out loud focusing on the floor numbers slowly descending on the display.

*                                                      

One month ago

Acid was listening to the audience back stage, the muffled sounds behind the black walls of the theater. He was a half way ditsy from the drink he was having. Memories of little Jamin in school plays flooding his mind. How did ever cross his mind being away from performing?

“Aaaaaacid Beeeetty!”

Bob’s voice was calling in the microphone and he walked to join the other girls for the questions and answers, the spotlights making him temporarily blind for few seconds. This trip has been nothing but a dream. He was surrounded by people that he loved and inspired him.

Sitting next to Thorgy turned out to be a constant distraction, he wondered if people could see the obvious behind his make-up, hair and sometimes mask. He was wearing all the disguises and still couldn’t help being drawn to him, with constant side comments as if there was anybody else in the panel.

When his eyes finally stopped scanning the faces in the front row of the theater, he glanced at Thorgy only to notice the outfit he was wearing. Naomi’s merch black t-shirt and some black slick pants with classic Thorgy pumps on.

Thorgy noticed Acid’s eyes resting on his lap and smiled caught up in the mischief.

“Sorry, girl! I decided to try it on and you know me, I ended up pulling off the whole look” he explained approaching Acid’s ear while Kim Chi was answering a question.

“I was going to wear this tomorrow” he replied smoothing Thorgy’s thigh distracted, his mouth dropped open. Thorgy’s eyes widened behind his thick arrow glasses but he didn’t remove Acid’s hand.

“What are you doing?” he asked amused exchanging glances from his thigh to Chi Chi that wasn’t bothered about them at all, refreshing herself with a huge fan.

Acid finally realized that they weren’t alone and he just winked and took a sip on his drink. Thorgy giggled and draw his attention back to Kim Chi.

Acid kept staring at his face, eyes all narrowed with the big smile, all under the big black hat.

Jamin knew the disguises were covering him, and still he felt like the audience could see right through him.

*

“Okay, bottoms up! So, Naomi, stand up!”

Shane, Jamin and Naomi were at the suspicious karaoke bar turning tequila shots after the show. Naomi almost spit his drink after Shane’s comment. Jamin was passed the point of being buzzed, the fish on his sweater were going to die from alcohol poisoning.

“Have you guys chosen your song?” Naomi asked reading the big book of song options as if he could see anything in the dim lighting of the bar.

“Mine it’s a surprise” Shane answered mysterious raising his brows, one elbow poking Jamin’s rib.

“I’m not singing with you, Shane” he protested again in a serious tone that Shane didn’t care at all, stealing a quick peck on his cheek.

“Awww, it’s so cute when you call Thorgy by Shane” Naomi pointed out tilting his head at them in an adorable way. “I’m sticking with Mariah. Heartbreaker is my jam”

“Ooooh I can be your back vocal for this one!” Thorgy replied excited slapping Naomi’s forearms many times in a row.

“Well, I’m going to refill and smoke outside.” Jamin commented expecting Shane to maybe follow him.

Shane glanced at him standing up, “I’m gonna stick around here. Don’t stay outside too long, I think I saw your David Bowie in the queue” Shane replied pulling lightly the fabric of Jamin’s pants.

Jamin collected Shane’s hand and squeezed, rubbing his thumb on his knuckles.

*

 A group of college girls were singing Spice Girls with all their excitement and poor rhythm skills. Jamin observed them sipping his drink and smiled. He gave up the smoke break because it was too cold outside and he didn’t want to miss his song. His eyes traveled back to the table. Naomi and Kim Chi were talking at the edge of one side while Shane was talking to a man quite close.

He shrugged. It could be just a fan. He continued watching the chubby one going down to floor as she did the Zig-a-zig-ah choreography. He turned his glance back to the table and the guy was whispering in Shane’s ear and he was giggling. They seemed intimate.

“What the…” he whispered feeling the sting of jealousy.

He recollected himself a bit, sure that it was the tequila taking over. He walked back to the table and Shane didn’t even notice he was walking in their direction.

“Hi!” he interrupted them, standing in front of the table, and he wondered if the hi sounded too weird.

Shane finally draw his attention to him, and he was very excited pulling his arm to sit next to the stranger.

“Jamin, come here! This is Ethan, you’re not going to believe this!”

“We’ve shared dorms in university…among other things” the blonde muscular man answered and exchanged a meaningful glance with Shane. He looked like a hockey player.

Shane cleared his throat, because he noticed how Jamin wasn’t amused, he just nodded and draw his attention to his drink. Naomi was at the other side of the table, and she mouthed a curious “What the fuck?” noticing the jock next to Shane.

“We dated for what?” Shane asked him narrowing his eyes trying to remember.

“Almost one year. Until I moved back to Wisconsin”

Jamin noticed Naomi standing up because he was going to sing. He got up quicker than usual to remind Shane they were going to do the number together.

“Thorgy! It’s now!” he reminded him throwing a quick nod to acknowledge Ethan.

Shane hesitated for few seconds, his gaze shifting between Jamin and Ethan, but he stood up to join Naomi. Before leaving the table, he leaned down to say something to Jamin but he wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to say.

“This is weird”, he just blurted out laughing, the palms of his hands on Jamin’s thighs, using as support for his weight.

“He looks like the blonde guy from Karate Kid but on steroids” Jamin replied sharply making Shane cackle. They kept staring at each other, Shane focusing on Jamin’s lower lip.

“You look so damn cute with this stupid sweater” Shane noticed nibbling his bottom lip warily, pointing to one orange fish among the many featured in the blue sweater.

Naomi pulled him before alcohol would have speak louder. Jamin picked up his phone from the table not giving too much attention to Ethan.

“God, Shane still shakes me so hard” he commented looking at him and Naomi at the stage. Jamin widened eyes and looked up at him. “He didn’t have these…” then the blond man tried to make a gesture of dreads on his head, “going on, and didn’t look so sloppy…but damn, I’d still let him fuck me in a minute”

Ethan confessed as if was the most mundane thing, and took a sip on his own drink. Jamin was quite struck.

“Ah, you were in that drag show with him, right? I don’t watch this, I mean, I respect what you guys do. But it’s just not my thing...but hey, it’s TV!”  and then he gave Jamin a little pad on the shoulder.

“Ahem, may I ask what is your profession so I can respect too?” Jamin scoffed with a smile. Ethan was such a brick he didn’t even notice the sass on his tone.

“I’m a lawyer.”

“Aaaahh respectful indeed” he replied full of disdain, but Ethan didn’t notice anything and continued throwing lustful eyes to Shane and Naomi on the stage as they were singing. “This friend of yours is quite cute…but damn…do you know if Shane is seeing someone?”

“You know, we are on the road all the time, who knows?” Jamin replied absently almost finishing his drink.

“Shane is still the best top I’ve ever had. When we were young people would see him as this feminine fairy but dude, in the bedroom he was just-“

Jamin was tensing up more and more as he continued listening to the conversation until the point he interrupted him standing up abruptly.

“Eh, I need a refill, do you want anything?” he asked in the speed of light. Ethan seemed a little bit suspicious and it took him few seconds to answer.

“No man, I’m fine” he raised his half full glass.

Jamin rushed to the bar. He closed his eyes, feeling a little bit nauseous. He didn’t know why he was acting up crazy like this. But Ethan’s presence was bugging him immensely. He went to the bathroom to freshen up and get a grip, and when he came back to the table Naomi was talking to Ethan and they seemed to be flirting. He checked his cell phone to read a message from Kim Chi saying he was at the hotel already.

He joined them at the table again, sitting by Naomi’s side and his eyes finally fixed on the stage where Shane was singing Head over feet by Alanis Morissette. Shane’s gaze settled on him. He was sitting on stool and looking at the TV with the lyrics but he kept shifting to Jamin.

He continued singing, almost talking the song, each verse full of meaning.

You’re the best listener that I’ve ever met

You’re my best friend

Best friend with benefits

Then he winked at Jamin that shook his head smiling softly. Jamin’s expression got introspective as Shane continued singing.

What took me so long?

I’ve never felt this healthy before

I’ve never wanted something rational

I am aware now

I am aware now

Shane was singing directly to him and Jamin nodded back. 

He was aware too.

“Alanis is such a gemini, I love this bitch. “Bearer of unconditional things”, who the fuck writes a verse like this?” he broke the romantic verse as people from the bar kept clapping.

He got off the stool before the song finished clapping hands too. He met them at the table and Jamin had to slide on the bench so he could sit next to him. Shane drank from his drink and before he noticed Naomi and Ethan were making out by Jamin’s side.

“Can we go to the hotel already?” Shane pleaded laughing at the vision.

“PLEASE” panic on his eyes as the couple was almost towering over him.

*

Half hour later they were at the hotel lying in bed with a passed-out Naomi in the middle of them, because Kim didn’t open the room for him and Naomi lost his key.

“Tell me again why you need to sleep here” Jamin asked annoyed and Naomi pulled him closer by the waist. He sighed annoyed. Shane was laying behind Naomi.

“I don’t wanna be alone…I’m sick!” he mumbled annoyed. Jamin sighed frustrated.

“I told you you’re light weight, bitch. Why do you think you can keep up with us? Our livers are petrified already” Shane replied in his ear and he just kept mumbling complaints.

“Can I at least change position?” Jamin asked trying to remove his arm as if he was glued to his waist. Naomi’s long arm pulled Shane closer so he could spoon him. Shane hugged him placing his head over Nami’s head and exchanged a small kiss with Jamin when Naomi separated their mouths.

“None of this will happen here, okay…” she mumbled.

Jamin was getting pissed and Shane was super amused about the whole thing.

“By the way, Thorgy… how a jock like that is a bottom…we were making out and then we kinda looked at each other like…really? And now what?” Naomi commented in her usual dragged deep voice and then started giggling.

Shane inspected Jamin’s face for a reaction but he avoid looking at Shane.

“I’m taking a shower”

Jamin escaped from Naomi’s arms before Shane saying anything.

*

After a longer than usual shower, Jamin got out the smokey bathroom to find Shane sitting on the edge of the bed, legs crossed watching TV in a low volume, a bag of chips in hands.

Jamin was wearing the hotel’s white robe and started looking for his pajamas in silence. All they could hear was Naomi’s snorting and the bag of chips wrap sound moving in Shane’s hands.

When he was finally dressed up he sat next to Shane and grabbed a handful of the chips, watching absently the screen too. They stood there quietly.

“Are you happy with our sex life?”

He asked unabashed and there was no time to even regret. Shane was caught out of guard and he snorted confused.

“What?” he inquired giggling eating more chips.

“I’m serious, Thorg” he continued worried and awkward. Shane looked at Naomi’s corpse behind them.

“Is this because of Ethan? What did he say to you? Oh my god. I’ve never seen you like this. I kinda want to take a picture”

“He said that you were the best top he ever had” he confessed hesitating.

Shane just stood there staring at him, his mouth dropped open confused and amused.

“Look…” Jamin pulled Shane’s sleeve looking down. “I can bottom more often. It’s just that…” he smoothed one of his brows. “Sorry if I didn’t notice how much you’ve missed it, I don’t know, it sorta happened that way and you never looked unsatisfied and-

He looked up finally meeting Shane’s face that had his head tilted as if Jamin was the cutest puppy.

“It’s because I’m satisfied. Believe me, I would have told you if I wasn’t, bitch. And I wouldn’t have changed anything, how the things happened” he reassured him squeezing his thigh and Jamin deep sighed relieved. “But if you want to bottom more…You know, I am the best top in Ethan’s prestigious list…” and then he threw a little shimmy and Jamin laughed.

Jamin leaned to kiss him, his mint breath meeting Shane chips salty tongue until they felt Naomi’s leg separating them. The kiss was pulled apart.

They hopped on the other single bed and kept eating chips and watching TV. Shane was the one to fall sleep first, peaceful using Jamin’s chest as pillow.

Jamin glanced over Naomi sleeping and kissed the top of Shane’s head, still wondering about that younger version of Shane in a dorm room fucking like there’s no tomorrow.

He was getting turned on so he shifted his position to shake off his unholy thoughts.

“Think about awful things…Derrick’s emotional roller-coaster speech...” he whispered to himself laughing,

*

Magical things were happening in this tour.

And having a dressing room only for themselves was one of them.

When Jamin got the message from Shane, he took a long shower at the hotel and prepared himself for all the possibilities. He didn’t know why Ethan’s encounter lit this fire on him but he still felt like he needed to spice things up with Shane.

Even though magical things were happening, many obstacles kept happening from letting him have any quality time with Shane. Their last private moment, but not so much, was still in the plane…the memories of Shane’s head going up and down, the adrenaline of almost getting caught…

But there was always people that they needed to meet and the fans and the other girls constantly interrupting them.

He got wrapped helping Bob to fix his dress that literally ripped in the zipper of the suitcase. He checked his watch. It was almost time for dressing up.

“You’re set?” Jamin asked Bob again that was twirling looking at the dressing room mirror.

“Yeah, thank you Elizabeth. Girl, your face. You look like a teenager that stopped jerking off because his parents knocked on the door or something” Bob teased  his friend with his raspy giggle that was clearly in a hurry. “Go go, Jesus”

Jamin left them to find Shane in the dressing room wearing just a long black tank top and boxers, putting his hair up, rolling the dreads in a sock, ready to put his make up on.

“Hi, I thought you would never come” he replied unaware of his boyfriend urgency.

Jamin just locked the door behind him with the key and reached for him as fast as he could for a desperate kiss. He was in no mood to talk or waste time anymore and stole Shane’s next words with a rough and thorough sweep on his mouth, pressing his lips tightly against his rooting for the closest fit, one hand escaping his tank top to tangle into the back of his dreads.

Shane just followed his act walking back as Jamin pushed him against the make up balcony so he could sit, some of the make up items falling on the floor.

From the other side of the wall the girls heard the thump sound coming from the other room. Naomi and Bob exchanged glances and Kim Chi looked at the ceiling.

“These old buildings are always making noises. Haunted mansion realness”

Bob tried to justify as Naomi laughed. He was worried that whatever was going on the other room they were all going to hear.

Shane wrapped his legs around him as his hands were removing first Jamin’s glasses, and then his own glasses, the t-shirt and opening his fly, the pants dropping on the floor, never breaking the kiss until the inevitable moment. He was an octopus when it comes to his boyfriend’s body.  Jamin was naked in a matter of seconds, but Shane still had the tank top on.

“What’s going on…” he managed to murmur into Jamin’s ear as he planted kisses on the hollow of his neck trailing down to Shane’s stomach, pulling the fabric of the shirt up.

Jamin was removing Shane’s boxers slowly, scanning every bit of his long legs, the blue eyes darkened with desire, his lips still glistening. He placed two of the stools of the dressing room, right and left sides and Shane observed intrigued.

Then he grabbed one of Shane’s legs and threw over his shoulder, lowering himself to put Shane in his mouth. Shane was hard and aching for him already, and he arched his back in response letting go a soft moan, bumping his shoulder blaze on the cold mirror. He watched them in the other mirror in front of them, Jamin kneeled and buried between his legs, his head going up down and he fastened the pace, the vision was making him even more turned on.

Jamin shifted his attention to his lower parts, not before licking slowly the tip of Shane’s cock and looking up to check his reaction, but he had his eyes closed in trance.

He pulled Shane by the hips closer so could rim his entrance, digging his tongue inside him, his legs spread open.

“Oh my...Ja…” he tried to say something as Jamin kept fucking him with his tongue. Shane was using one hand carved on the balcony holding his weight and the other was stroking his own cock.

Jamin suddenly stopped, which make Shane wince and protest but he wasn’t going to break the contact for too long, as Jamin pulled him closer again for a kiss, pushing him against the wall one more time, his cock deliciously rubbing inside Shane’s tank top.

“Floor, now” Jamin commanded breathless.

Jamin laid on the floor and watched Shane fetching up a bottle of lube from his bag and placing a good portion on his hands. He also threw Jamin the small cushion he uses in airplanes. Jamin laughed putting it under his neck. He sat next to Jamin on the floor and took Jamin on his mouth gently, he was fully hard, so he didn’t tease that much just lubing him up.

“I hate you…” he begged and Shane laughed mischievously.

Shane straddled him gently enjoying the sensation of Jamin stretching him up  as he lowered himself for a kiss, moaning in pleasure as Jamin thrusted his hips in circles very slowly as a response.

“FUCK” Shane muttered collapsing over him and laughing, breathing into his mouth and Jamin seemed a little suffocated with Shane’s weight over him. The floor wasn’t helping at all.

“Sorry!” Shane noticed relieving a bit of the weight removing himself a bit up giggling, cupping Jamin’s face.

“Don’t worry, my fat ass is absorbing the impact” he whispered with the voice coming out a little bit strangled and they both laughed as Shane begin slowly riding him.

Their playful expressions were languidly replaced by pleasure and heat. Shane’s pale skin was completely red and his knees were sore for scratching the floor, Jamin grunting with eyes closed as Shane moaned inside his mouth.

Jamin was really close but he managed to stop Shane’s moves, indicating that he wanted to change position.

“Lay on your back” he asked panting, Shane that was all flustered and heavy breathing took a few seconds to obey him.

Shane removed himself and laid on his back, relaxing his back and muscles, feeling like a puddle. Jamin sat by his side, almost kneeled as if he was going to give him a massage.

He kissed Shane cradling his face, planting small kisses on his cheek and the hollow of his eyes.

“We need to be in one piece for the numbers” Jamin whispered in his mouth as one of his hands reached for Shane’s cock and started rubbing.

Shane reached for Jamin’s putting him in his mouth as Jamin’s hand lowered his hand, one finger slipping inside. He could feel the humming vibration of Shane’s throat as he worked the middle finger deeper on him.

Shane couldn’t even focus anymore and just laid on his back waiting for the orgasm to hit as he stroke his own cock with Jamin fastening the pace, murmuring and nodding for him to not stop. He had his eyes wide shut, the mouth dropped open, the veins on his neck popping out as he ached his back and Jamin intensified his pace.  

He emptied himself on his own stomach, one hand holding Jamin’s wrist pushing the finger deeper, still smasping, the legs wide open and knees bent. Then Shane removed removed his finger and closed his legs, Jamin was looking down at him satisfied, and kissed his chest, cleaning Shane with his own tank top. Shane searched for his cock still with eyes closed to finish him off, his legs still week from the orgasm.

Shane was very skillful and he knew exactly what Jamin liked, working on the tip of his sock holding the base with a firm grip. He didn’t last long and Shane won’t  let any drop of him goes to waste, as Jamin fingers buried inside his dreads, whispering sweet nothings.

They both collapsed on the floor, completely exhausted. They could hear Bob’s usual Celine Dion playing from the other room.

“Ouch!” Shane protested removing a brush from behind his back and laughing. Jamin was still panting with eyes closed. Shane laid on his chest, kissing his nipple, the hollow of his neck and the inside of his forearm, where the doll- octopus tattoo was resting.

“That was fucking amazing…” he whispered in his ear before standing up, Jamin widely smiled and kissed him back.

Shane was the first one standing up and he checked himself in the mirror, his knees all red and busted. The hair a mess of dreads going wild. His lips swollen and his t-shirt all stained.

“God, I look disgusting. We have 40 minutes to be ready”

“I’m so glad I have that romper” Jamin finally said something standing up.

They wore comfortable clothes for the meet and greet. Bob was outraged talking to them like a worried mother, saying how he had to put Celine Dion in the highest volume since the two whores won’t stop making noises.

*

One month later

“What’s going on? You fucking scared me on the phone, girl”

Bob met Jamin alone in a booth of the bar, just with three beers as a date. Jamin looked more exhausted than drunk.

“Shane’s missing, he just left and didn’t say anything. I asked Alvy if he knew where was him, and he thinks he’s with his folks I just…”

He rubbed his forehead and shook his head.

“But what the fuck happened?”

“The voices” he answered vaguely. “He spent the whole month talking to these possible investors, to get the Thorchestra some financial support just for starters. And it didn’t work out. And all the paper work with the local musician’s unions of the cities. He had this project off this short tour, involving three cities, and he got overwhelmed it wasn’t working out, I don’t know”

He stared outside through the glass, the fog making the cars looking like hidden monsters.

“So Thorgy being Thorgy”

“He completely shut me off the two last weeks. It’s ridiculous. He didn’t want to do anything. But he doesn’t want any help either. I know he wants to be alone, and I respect that, because I’m a loner too. But I can’t get him out of this state…I swear, ugh, he annoys the fuck out of me”

Bob laughed in sympathy with his friend.

“Jamin, Thorgy is fine. He wouldn’t hurt himself. He just needs to adjust the engines of that crazy head of his”

“I know that. But how can he just leave without saying anything, who does that? It’s been a day and he haven’t even checked his phone. Well, no news here”

He was shaking his head annoyed sipping on his beer.

“What did Raga say?”

“Raga is pissed too, but she shares the same opinion. That I just have to be patient that he will come back” and the finished the whole bottle.

“You know, for some people, it takes a little longer to understand that they are loved. Thorgy still thinks nobody cares for him, that he would lose a Brooklyn white person with dreadlocks challenge…”

Jamin finally smiled, but his heart wasn’t at peace.

“He is fine…”  Bob reassured squeezing Jamin’s forearm.

*

The next day he woke up with his bed still empty. He sat on the bed and observed their two personalized candles that were gifts from a fan on the nightstand. Thorgy’s smiling face mocking him. He put his glasses on that were next to them and checked his phone one more time. Still no sign from him.

He dragged himself to the bathroom to wash his face, his limbs still sleepy.

Then he headed to the kitchen, only to find Shane there sitting at the table all set for a cinematographic breakfast. Jamin stood there, still trying to figure out what emotion he was feeling, trying to find the words he gathered for long and that went missing.

After the longest seconds, the words finally come out, “Did you cook this?” he asked furrowing his brow in disbelief.

Shane was unarmed by his unexpected reaction. There was a jar of juice, donuts and waffles. Fresh made scrambled eggs and a jam pot.

“ I bought everything but the jam”, Shane started shyly rubbing his forehead. “My father made that jam. I told him I have a boyfriend now.”

He stopped to investigate Jamin’s reaction that just nodded.

“Um, he-he was surprised that it was you because he thought we hated each other because of the the show”

Shane laughed exasperated, but Jamin continued not offering any kind o response.

“So, you were at your folks” Jamin assumed closing his arms in front of his chest leaning on the counter.

“I was. Look Jamin, I-I I’m sorry. I just needed to leave the city for a bit. These fucking weeks worn me out and I didn’t want you to see how crazy I can get.”

“Shane, the Thorchestra will happen one day. You will fulfill your dream, and just because it’s not happening now it doesn’t mean you’re a failure. You don’t need to shut down people because you’re feeling sad or anxious. And you don’t answer your fucking phone, I think you deliberately try to make me crazy. To test me”

“I swear I’m not testing you, I just, when I’m on a crisis I can’t even think properly, it’s almost like an outside body experience. And then last night I sorta snapped out of it. And it sucks that it hurts you. I know that I have to understand that you love me, even when I don’t love myself very much. That I can’t just disappear anymore”

“No, you can’t” Jamin just replied in a demanding tone.

Then he approached him slowly and cupped his face for a kiss. He could feel Shane loosening up in his embrace and the tears rolling down his face making their kiss salty. Shane wiped them quickly.

“Sorry...I’m just relieved to fucking breath again” he replied laughing and wiping the other tears that kept bursting up.

Jamin sat to eat and Shane went along grabbing a donut. He was hungry, as he finally could feel the taste of food again.

They were opposites even in nature’s phenomena and wonders.

Shane loved hurricanes. Jamin loved snow.

Jamin was the one constantly drenched in hyper colors, and the snow washed it all off. He loved how it melt in his uncontrolled tongue. The texture that wasn’t salt or sugar, but somewhere in between. The gray tones of living in England as a teenager. White bed sheets.

He somehow needed the somber of it, the lack of intensity, balancing the turmoil of his own life. Inside Shane’s apartment was freezing and covered in white. Shane was his ever changing canvas, one blink and another shape, another expression. He was walking around, half dressed as Thorgy. He still had the pantyhose on and those jeans shorts that made his legs look outrageous. The colorful shirt with mixed patterns was open releasing his long journey black bra. The wig was off, the dreads were everywhere as he tried to put them up in a bun. The good thing about judging a contest in this weather: Thorgy’s make up was intact, untouched by no sign of sweat.

Jamin curled in the couch, embracing his legs observing Shane picking up things from the floor he left before leaving home, while talking about the girls that were competing. Sometimes he would just mumble whatever was floating in his river of conscience and Jamin would just listen to his tone of voice, it was strangely soothing.

“…what was that it’s weird when you called me Acid on stage?”

Jamin heard louder the last bit of Shane’s monologue. He was holding a pair of shoes and a curious expression expecting his answer, as if Jamin was paying attention the whole time.  

“When I’m doing Acid Betty’s duties I feel weird being dressed as Jamin” he explained clearly not expressing all he wanted to say, “I feel a little bit exposed…it’s just weird.”

Shane analyzed his boyfriend, in the corner of the couch, black beanie on, the thick arrow glasses hiding the frosting blue eyes. This was Jamin indeed. He chuckled softly and shook his head picking up the outfits he left on the coffee table and folding them with no purpose, since they were going to be in hangers anyways.

“What?” Jamin questioned opening a half smile too.

“I-I….it’s silly…” he shook it off giggling. “I thought it was because I don’t call you Acid that much anymore, and you felt strange that I called Acid, I don’t know, but I was like ooooooh bitch you’re exposing us for a moment”

Shane wasn’t finished talking when Jamin was already standing up and walking toward his direction, just to catch him by the waist, his fingers hauling him plucking by the patch of his shorts.

“It was a bit of that too” he whispered seductively, his lips lurking Shane’s contoured cheeks but not quite touching yet.

“I remember when I met you, like the first times we’re hanging out I asked you if you’d prefer people calling Acid or Betty, and you replied” he cleared his throat to make his impression of Jamin’s deep voice “It depends on my mood girl, and if there’s no cops around and I thought your answer was so stupid, like this bitch is fun”

“I did not say that!” he defended his pride in disbelief. “I have no recollection of this conversation, you’re full of shit” he laughed squeezing harder Shane’s waist. Shane cackled, and Thorgy’s heavy eyeliner made his eyes disappear as he caught Jamin’s face with both hands for a kiss.

As the kiss was deepening Jamin finally was able to say something through the catch of breath.

“This lipstick tastes like shit” he replied with his lips still connected with Shane’s that laughed into his mouth and broke the kiss.

Thorgy’s make up was all messed up in the lips area now. He started cleaning Jamin’s lips with his fingers.

“I’m not Kim Chi, bitch. My make up always ends up washed out in a towel on your headboard so….” he rubbed the point of his finger on Jamin’s nose as final touch and winked, throwing his shoulders. “I’m taking a shower, are you coming?”

“Nah, it’s too damn cold” he shivered by the thought of undress from his comfy sweater.

He watched Thorgy waking into the hall, after some minutes Shane would come back, probably in shorts and an oversized shirt. He was never cold. He was a creature of the snow he loved so much.

Jamin fixed some hot chocolate from a forsaken bottle in the back of the cupboard in the kitchen. He checked the expiration date because in Shane’s apartment you never know. He sat by the window of the fire escape and brought supplies. Since they stayed there so much, Shane managed to make a small renovation there, putting some cushioned seats. Jamin brought  an astray for Shane because he would probably smoke. Two mugs of a decent hot chocolate.

He observed the restless snow turning the darkness into light as Shane sang loudly from his bedroom. He could carry a tune quite beautifully. He arrived in the living room lip syncing to “Baby it’s cold outside”

Jamin got almost everything right: he was wearing shorts with no shoes on, a normal size gray shirt and an orange scarf, that he twirled as he choreographed his routine. Jamin laughed shaking his head, feeling his temperature rising some degrees. He loved him, and more than this, he was grateful for Shane’s love.

There were no traces of Thorgy anymore, he noticed as Shane cupped the mug taking a good sniff first and being quite surprised with smell.

“I can’t believe you found anything edible in my cupboard. I hope I won’t die” he commented taking a sip and putting both of his legs over Jamin’s lap. The window was surely small for them, but they would always find a way to fit.

Jamin observed Shane, his hands caressing his thighs by force of the habit, as he was opening his scarf to use it as a blanket and checking his phone. Maybe for the first time during the day. He continued singing the song distracted.

“How are you so damn warm. It’s insane.”

He noticed how he was feeling warmer just by the heat Shane was exhaling.

“You know, you can just say I’m hot” he answered conceited. Jamin rolled his eyes and slapped his thighs making Shane jerk a little giggling and almost dropping his mug.

Jamin was taken by the silence, the snow luring his attention, but still absently massaging Shane’s legs. Peering through the looking glass of the window, in some alternative universe, he would probably be in his studio, creating beautiful things with hands. He had a beautiful thing he hadn’t created right now in his hands too. Warm and wild.

Shane started pulling his sweater off using his foot as a claw to remove it.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Jamin replied laughing not helping his boyfriend with his naughty feet. Shane gave up annoyed letting go a frustrated grunt.

“I know this is your fave sweater and all, but I want you naked on that floor right now so I can cuddle you. It’s science, Jamin. Two bodies exchanging heat.”

Jamin echoed in his head.

He was used to be called Jamin, there was no coming back. He loved how his name sounded in Shane’s mouth.

“Oh you’re a scientist now” he teased taking off his sweater and putting his mug on floor grabbing Shane’s thighs and yanking him closer, making Shane moan in response, the orange scarf falling in the floor as he put his arms around Jamin’s shoulders.