and i really v v much want to but now i've slept on it i'm so nervous omg i don't even know why because a) i really really want to b) i know this guy and i know i can trust him c) he's not pushy d) i'm really fucking horny omg

and then last night i was sleeping in his bed in the whole comfy not sexual way i have for the last 2 nights and tonight he was making the moves and i was just like nahhhh tomorrow mate i'm too tired now and it was really happy and nice  and I knew since the minute were were sat in his living room he did want to last night because there's intimacy there etc body language and what have you and i did want to but just not then and i was quite unreceptive ngl (after a couple of sneaky tries at getting his head close to mine and me just being tired he asked if he could have a kiss and i said tomorrow) (ended up just doing so in the morning but it was me going for it so that was fun)

but i realise now i got the same kind of nervous reaction i get when i'm going to like... stand at the front of a class and tell them something, or ask a question to a presenter about an acaemic topic  i had my academic nervousness on and i don't know why

so i need to think about that today

i mean why that kind of nervousness 

??? because i'll be judged on it? but tbh i don't care if i'm bad because he knows i've not done this before and i know he has and he wont mind and just???? 

maybe because it's something new and i have no experience and i'm just going for it

ughhhhhhh