I keep telling myself that bad things have happened to me nonstop in 2017 because good things are coming. College has been so treacherous and full of rogue waves, because good things are coming. If good things don’t come, I will be severely confused in the future, but also I’m sure I will disregard the reality of how things are currently.
I have been listening to the universe lately, and in my 24 years I have gathered that my life has always been unstable. I’m not sure what to really make of this, besides it being entirely unfair and somewhat evil. I’ve definitively decided that there was nothing I did to deserve such a curse- and that something will appear, there will be an apparent reason in the future. I work hard, I live life most accordingly even taking into account other’s point of views. I help people more than I should sometimes to the point of taking advantage. I am not sure that there will be some magical pay off someday, that there hasn’t been already. And I continue to count my lucky stars every day for the people that notice the quirky and morally responsible duties I continue to carry out. I will continue to carry them out, despite being bitter at humans and their human grime.
Thus, I conclude that I have stood up for myself, and failed. It happens. It happened to Rosa Parks and it happened to Martin Luther King. It happened to Bernie Sanders, and it can happen to me. It’s human. I still have not figured out what I should be “learning” from this by any means, and maybe it’s to be continued. If anything I’ve learned that we cannot expect to take a lesson learned from every hardship, besides that things we should have known to begin with. That being said, would be, “Use No and mean it.” and don’t let other’s con you into putting up with their shit. Hold others accountable for their actions, always. But you cannot always “punish” others for fucking up your life. You can’t punish friends for turning their backs on you.
Sometimes you hold others accountable for their actions by moving on, letting go, and letting them feel the emptiness of the loss, of you. In this case, me. Because I am great, I won’t mourn you, or the person you should have been. I mourn you trying to ruin my life and my education, I will move the fuck on. The Karma of what you have done will most likely creep up on you and linger in the cobwebs of the brain you refused to use. And the empty spaces you’ve created for me will free me to care about things that are of higher importance like places and I am going and the people I will meet when I get there!
Sianara Suckaaaas
