Kallen couldn’t believe this was happening.

          How could Lelouch and Suzaku have teamed up, when she and a few others knew of Lelouch’s identity as Zero? Ever since she had found out that Lelouch was Zero she had felt confused; Zero was a hero to her, the one person that she believed could carry on her brother’s dream of Japan’s independence, and yet behind the mask of Zero was Lelouch, a Britannian. Was he deceiving her this entire time? Was it his intention to use the Japanese? Kallen already had the answers to these questions, and yet when the raven-haired male walked up to her while on Ashford Academy ground, she tried to question him further—

          — but he pretended as if this was their first meeting.

           Her heart had admittedly already been unstable for some time when it came to Lelouch. She was certain that he had corrupted her feelings to be bent to his will, and yet he claimed that her feelings and her heart were her own. Had she really felt as she did this entire time because of her own heart finding admiration and love in Zero, and now Lelouch, when she was certain that it had been because of his Geass? There was still an inkling of doubt in her heart that made her believe that these feelings were not fully her own, and yet she can’t seem to shake herself free of what she felt for him.

          He requested a walk throughout Ashford Academy because he claimed he was nervous, and yet she knew this to be a lie.

          Lelouch was never the nervous type; This much Kallen was incredibly aware of— and yet even if he was nervous he had a certain way of covering it with his strength. She admired him as a result and found that she could derive strength from him as well, for if she didn’t have Lelouch, surely the Black Knights wouldn’t have survived as long as they did. Kallen likely would have been dead, or in a far worse situation if it wasn’t for him, and for that she was grateful. Zero made her feel wanted and needed, as the captain to his personal guard and someone that he could put his complete trust in, and this only made her heart swell with pride.

          It was one of the reasons she was spilling her heart out to him while the two of them walked through Ashford Academy as he had requested. Even when it was already so long since she had been here, she still remembered the fond memories she had when she attended her classes. She remembered when Lelouch had approached her right after the incident at the Shinjuku Ghetto, and how suspicious she was of him at first before he somehow managed to prove her wrong.

          Maybe her feelings were her own after all, but what was Lelouch planning to do now?

          What was he planning to do now that he had become the Emperor? Did he want power? Status? Or was it all just a game to him??

          She asks him these questions, but he continues to give her silence. It’s the only response she’s gained from him during this entire walk, and when her words and questions feel as though they are falling on deaf ears, she feels as if her heart is about to break. Kallen had already told him in the past how she felt about him— although not a direct confession of love— and yet he had never told her anything. He never said how he felt about her, never told her whether or not if her feelings were reciprocated, so how did he really feel?

          Was this why he wanted to take a walk with just the two of them? Why else would he want to take a detour when she knew it wasn’t because he was nervous? Why hadn’t he said anything this entire time and just let her spill her heart out to him?! She has so many questions, and yet she has no answers despite how much she wants to hear his voice talk to her after all this time.

                    “Lelouch, what do you think of me?”

          Kallen feels her desperation rising even higher when she turns to face him, and she knows she can no longer control her emotions from rising to the forefront and rushing out of her mouth. Looking at his face was a mistake, she thinks— as he isn’t even making eye contact with her as those purple hues she had grown fond of were cast downward. Her eyebrows furrow together in obvious frustration as her tone raises slightly in volume.

                       “Why did you tell me ‘live on?’”

          She wants an answer, not just for the reason of him telling her to ‘live on’ but she wants to hear from his own lips how he actually felt about her… and yet he refuses to answer her. He doesn’t respond whatsoever, remaining as still as a statue, and she realizes that there is a possibility that he is ignoring her. When her heart feels as if it is on the verge of shattering inside her chest, she decides to take matters into her own hands and leans forward, cupping his face with both of her hands and crushing her lips against his.

          Her heart flutters painfully against her ribs at the sensation of his lips against her own, and yet as much as she wants to imagine that kissing him was as every bit of what she imagined it would be, there is something missing. After the kiss lingers for a moment, she can feel her hope of any feelings he may have had toward her being broken apart, and when she pulls away to stare upon his face, that hope shatters completely. Kallen stares at him as her hands come to rest upon his shoulders, attempting to search his eyes for any sort of response to her kiss, and yet he gives her nothing but an emotionless stare. Her heart sinks into the pit of her stomach, and yet she cannot — no, will not — allow herself to fully break apart.

                                               She has her answer now.

          But she will continue to show him just how strong she was, and how strong she will continue to be, even without him.

          “Farewell Lelouch.”

          Her voice is but a whisper as she gives him one final goodbye, the very last thing she will say to him as Kallen to the Lelouch she had fallen for. Returning to business as this always should have been, she informs him where the meeting will be held before turning to walk away from him one last time. Having feelings for Lelouch had always been a mistake, she realizes, as he clearly was only using her for her expertise as a Knightmare Pilot. Lelouch was never going to feel the same feelings for her as she did for him, and this moment had made it clear to her.

          Even if she knew just how wrong it was to have feelings for him, Kallen was always going to love him.

          But she would not allow him to break her— she would grow stronger because of it, and she hopes that one day he will understand just how strong he had helped her become.

Why? Because I can. No, really, why? Because I spent a lot of time on them and would love for anyone and everyone who might be able to utilize them to do so.

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