#wesama

                a secret meant to be kept hidden. the voices that weren't supposed to be heard. the sounds hushed in tone and the noises muffled with each step they took. silence was common even when they were only the two of them. cattleya was no stranger to it, however. an auto-memory doll who often communicated through written words and letters was not unfamiliar with silence.

                but in that quiet air, she heard him ( @wesama ).

                in that silence, it was loud. the sounds of his footsteps as he walked next to her, the shuffle of his movement when dawn hadn't broken from the horizon just yet. when she first met him, he smelled of gunpower and blood, of battles and war clinging to his very form. no matter how many times she washed his hand, the red did not completely come off.

                now, he smelled of freshly baked bread and coffee. he smelled of soil and dirt as he helped her plant vegetables and flowers in the garden. he smelled of the faint floral scent of the flowers he picked out for her. the crimson tainted fingers were replaced by flour and oil of the breakfast he prepared for her.

                " william, " she would call him, despite knowing that probably was not his real name. how she yearned to know it, to know him, to know the man she had saved and the man she had come to — " good morning. "

                did you sleep well ?

                did you have a nightmare again ?

                do you miss your country ? your home ?

                the questions were swallowed down her throat when she looked at him. how shameful. a part of her wanted to ask that. a part of her wanted to know if there were anything she could help him with.

                if he was happy being here with her.

                do you want to leave ... and go back home ... ?

                as the footsteps retreated, the door of her room creaked open, barely making a noise. she could hear the silhouette of his back slowly disappearing into the shadow cast by the sunlight, as well as the muttering words that echoed. how she wished she could understand what he was saying.

                " william ... " that was not his name, but she had nothing else to call him by. fingers clutched gently against her chest, being able to hear the sound of her own heart thumping. calling for him. to hide him like this ... to keep him a secret ... a kind of life where he could not be discovered ...

                there was no way he would be truly happy.

                and she remembered his smile, the warmth of his hand upon her own, how his scarred digits would curl protectively around her smaller ones. a squeeze he'd give their connected hands as they walk. her heart fluttered when their eyes meet.

                william ... my william ...

                " i don't want you to leave ... " the words she wanted him to know, but never could bring herself to say. it's selfish. oh so selfish.

come our raccoon doggo eden, come to papa hyunjae

Give it a rabies shot

​─「エデン」─  it was as though TIME itself had stopped. nothing moved, nothing was heard. a moment of silence where all was seen and nothing was observed both at the same time. like a shatter of glass wall when the needle punctured the furry skin of the space raccoon. once again, silence was all that followed ... until it was no longer silent.

                suddenly, all one could hear was the HOWL OF A RACCOON echoing to every corner of the astral express as well as the swear of vengeance that was to follow after.

hj munching a delicious snak in front of her

            and when all the dust has settled  ,  there was but two figures amidst the chaos . . . one knelt above the other  ,  weapon in hand . . . the other lain beneath  ,  unmoving and patient  .  ❝  why  !?  why won't you fight back  ??  ❞  he asks  ,  the devastation in his voice is unlike his goals  ⸻  to kill the man beneath him  ,  and he's always known to execute his orders perfectly  .  yet  ,  he can seem to drive his blade into the soft flesh of the other's neck  ,  even when he lays so PERFECTLY STILL for him  .   it's not that his opponent is giving into him  ,  no  ,  he's letting shanjie do as he wants  .  and with that LOOK in his eyes  .  a look full of love and affection  ,  of forgiveness  ,  of warmth . . . his mind reels  .  

            he knows this man  .  NO . . . he doesn't know this man  .  yes  ,  he does  . 

            he KNOWS this man  ,  a sharp pain in his head causes him to recoil  .  hand pressed to his temple  ,  ❝  who . . . no  ,  you . . . what did you do to me  ??  ❞  shanjie accuses  ,  a look of despair crossing his visage  .  why is this man laying so still  ,  even when given an opening to attack  ??  sure  ,  shanjie's managed to rid him of an arm and blinded one eye  ;  this moment of confusion should be more than enough to knock the soldier off their broader figure  .  ❝  who are you  ?!  ❞  comes the confused cry again  .

            the other shifts upwards  ,  and shanjie's hand swings towards the other  ,  a weak threat that's easily dismissed  .  the other surges forward  ,  saying something shanjie can't quite make out . . . a whispered  ,  soothing voice he recognizes  .  the first TOUCH has him flinch in surprise  ,  eyes suddenly wide . . . his gaze shakes for a moment as he meets the male's tender gaze  ⸻  hyunjae . . . sung hyunjae  ,  he does know this man  ⸻  and while he meets hyunjae's gaze  ,  the blade in his hand drops to the ground with a CLATTER  .

            a clarify washes over shanjie . . . his mission  ,  his task . . . who his target is and what this man means to him  .  why it's been ever so EASY to deal as much damage as he did  ,  even when hyunjae was just as powerful as he is  .  ❝  why didn't you fight back  ??  ❞  his voice raspy  ,  tears welling in his eyes . . . emotions shanjie though he never had surges forth  ,  as if easily coaxed by the presence of the other before him  .  ❝  why didn't you stop me  ??  ❞  shanjie asks  ,  devastated as he takes in what he's done  .  a missing limb that won't grow back  ,  a blinded eye that won't ever heal  .

            dirtied hands immediately cover his face in shame and a sob wracks his figure  ,  how could he do this  ??  sure  ,  he didn't know  .  the amnesia . . . the brainwashing . . . the training . . . they could blame it on that  ,  but how could shanjie so easily forget SUNG HYUNJAE  ??  the man that wore down his walls and gave him a safe place to be  .  and what's worse is that he know hyunjae would forgive him for all this . . . and comfort him when he's undeserving  .  and even worse  ,  shanjie knows he'll drink it all in  .  

            as he expects  ,  hyunjae tugs away his hands  ,  pulling him ever closer  .  tears spilling down his cheeks  ,  shanjie is weak to hyunjae's manipulation and he shuffles closer  .  their bodies pressed close  ,  a warmth he never knew he missed  ,  hyunjae murmurs soft words of comfort and forgiveness . . . gentle touches as if to search the soldier for any injuries before the singular hand comes to rest atop his dirtied cheek  ,  a gentle rub of his thumb across skin leaves a streak of clean skin beneath the dust and blood caked onto him  .  

            ❛  shh . . . don't cry anymore . . . it's okay  .  ❜

            ❝  how can you say that  ??  ❞  a tone of anger and desperation  ,  ❝  how could you say it's okay . . . i . . . you . . .  ❞  emotions surge through shanjie's mind  ,  so much that he loses his ability to verbalize his thoughts and he ends up with another choked sob  .  head bowed in shame  ,  in anger  ,  he's not able to meet his lover's gaze  .  

            a gentle cooed word that coaxes shanjie to look up  ,  a finger gently hooked beneath his chin to tilt his head up  .  he melts at the feeling of lips upon his skin  ,  first his forehead . . . then his eyelids  ⸻  shaking free any unshed tears that clung to his lashes  ⸻  and finally  ,  his lips  .  a taste of stale dust and blood  ,  but he doesn't notice it . . . all he notices is hyunjae's warmth  ,  the other's affection and love pouring into him  .  all the comfort and gentility hyunjae wanted to present . . . the forgiveness and lack of blame  .

            it's a moment too soon when they part  ,  foreheads pressed against one another  ,  shanjie still unable to meet hyunjae's gaze  .  his hand grabs fistful of hyunjae's shirt as if he's afraid the other might disappear  ,  ❝  what . . . what now  ??  ❞  he whispers  ,  hyunjae is still a wanted man and shanjie could be in trouble if he deserts  (  which could put both of them in danger  )  .

            ❛  run away with me . . . right now  .  let's go where people can't find us . . . you're good at that  ,  aren't you  ??  ❜

            a tremble traverses his figure  ,  hands clutching to hyunjae's arms as if to hold himself up  ⸻  not that he needed to as the other has him in their hold  ⸻  and his eyes shut  ,  afraid that opening it would mean the end of this dream  .  but perhaps  ,  hyunjae took it as a different reason . . . when shanjie refused to open his eyes to match his gaze  . 

            it was too much  .

            it was also not enough  .

            lashes fluttering against his cheeks as he finally opens his eyes  ,  he's at a loss for words  .  his usual snappy retorts doesn't come . . . there's none  .  there was nothing he wanted to say  ,  and there was also plenty he wanted to ask . . . yet  ,  there was only ONE thing in his mind  .  his breath comes as a shaky exhale  ,  he feels the other's hand graze over his cheek gently  ,  almost concerned and loving  .  

            hyunjae's concern is so suffocating and ever so welcomed . . . it's strange  ,  the emotion that fills shanjie's chest is SO FOREIGN  ;  yet  ,  but he doesn't want to resurface from that sea  .  he wants to drown in hyunjae's warmth and affection  .  he doesn't want to speak yet  .  lest he breaks this dream  .  he wonders if he asks . . . would hyunjae INDULGE  ??