Let me talk about who I am.
I'm a senior at MHHS. I am an AP student with a minor dyslexia. I dance after school from 3-5 p.m. There has been plenty of nights that I am overloaded with homework, but I have stay up to complete everything to the best of my weary ability. Sometimes I don't eat, sometimes I don't sleep. I do this because I want to get good grades to impress my parents. But it just never seems to work. I like to stay involved in many activities to break my social awkwardness and to be the free spirit that I really am. I know that I can do things that I wanna achieve if I set my mind to it. It's just who I am and what I believe.
Human beings makes mistakes. I've made mine. Yes. I've done drugs, I've drank liquor/beer. But I've learned from those mistakes and I know better, way better.
Now I have an older brother. He just turned 20. He was always what I wanted to become, like my icon. I always wished to be like the person he was. But now I despise him. He's a drunk bastard that wants nothing but liquor in his veins.
I know that I was the first one to fall into these bad habits, but I stopped. My brother fell into more of an endless dark hole.
Now that's not what bothers me, the fact that my parents accept him being like this pisses the living shit outta me.
If I tell you would you rather have a child that wants to pursue his/her dreams versus a child that wants to drain his/her body in liquor in front of your eyes, which would you choose?
Like how would that make YOU feel as a parent?
Apparently in the household I live, I'm the dumb child.
I currently have a loving boyfriend whom I obviously enjoy my time with. He's shown me another way to enjoy life. And it's honestly made me love life.
But I get home around 7 p.m., 9 at the most latest, completely sober; in fact, high from the natural high, happiness. I get yelled at for being irresponsible. I'm irresponsible because I go to school from 9 a.m to 3 p.m , have dance from 3 p.m. to 5 p.m., spend time with my boyfriend from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m., and do my homework from 7 p.m. to whatever time I finish ALL the homework I have.
On the other hand, my brother can come home drunk at 5 a.m. with open arms and little to no anger at all. Hell he doesn't even have to come home and they'll greet him with love and respect. He just needs to give a bullshit lie about how he and some friends didn't see what time it was and they believe it.
There has been PLENTY of occasions where I get pushed off to the side because of my brother. Its always been about my brother.
I'm not jealous at all. I'm not asking for attention. I'm asking for logical answers to why they prefer him over me.
I just don't seem to understand my parents standards...
I get treated like shit to be someone they want me to be, but they love him for the person they don't want him to be?
Did that even make any sense?
You don't know the burning pain I'm feeling in my chest. i feel like him if i cough, fire will burst out.
And what's worse, I can't say SHIT to insult their dear son.
