Photos from my little adventure on Friday to UHW’s Resus... they were taken to reassure my muma that I Am Still Alive. It’s pretty impossible for someone who doesn’t live our life to understand what it’s like. Everyday, death is a constant companion. Every day, every spasm, could be my last. And I have to just... keep on living. Because if I don’t, if I give in to the fear, the terror, the dark, then my disease has already won. And I haven’t spent 24 years kicking that bastard’s ass to give up now. Not gonna lie, there are days, moments, where giving up seems like the only option. There are days I just want the pain and suffering, for myself and my loved ones, to just... stop. Sometimes, I just want it to stop. My parents, my boyfriend, my carers and nurses, all spent Saturday in various states of distress, just wait for the phone to ring and say... we’ll, to say nothing good. I hate that my illness hurts them too. But the pain, it’s not going to stop. So I keep going. Or, more accurately, we keep going. Me, my parents, my boyfriend, my friends, my family, my nurses, my doctors, my carers, we keep fighting. One day, we know, we will loose this war. But we will keep fighting til that day comes, and we can hope that day is a long way away. I have not had a good few days; I have come very close to giving into the darkness that always lurks in me. But I didn’t. I’m still here. And so are the people I love. That, to me, is true bravery... to see the pain, the darkness, and to have the choice to leave... but to always choose to stay. That’s magic. I’m very glad I’m still alive. I’m even more glad to have so much amazing people who make my life worth living ❤️ #imstillhere #everydayisabattle #wekeepfighting #palliativecarewarrior #neardeathexperiencesbuildcharacter #depressionwarrior #thepeopleilovemakeitallworthwhile #brokenbutblessed (at Accident & Emergency, Heath Hospital) https://www.instagram.com/p/BulgKcGHmr2/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=6rkmzg1ww275
