I just... started writing and this is what I ended up with. Warning - rather dark.
You're so used to being the one who gives it all. You're the one who loves too much, who becomes too attached, far too quickly. You love too hard, cling too hard. You miss so strongly. You're always the one who needs. You're the one who tries. You try to hard. To make them laugh, make them smile, make them love you. And ultimately, you're the one who gets pushed away, gets hurt. You're the one who is accused of being in love. Of being obsessed. Of getting too close.
And it's a lonely way to live. If you want to keep your friends, you learn to distance yourself. To love less, to smile less, to play it cool. You don't love these friends; you can't love these friends. You like them, you tolerate them, you enjoy them. But with them comes a calm detachment. It's that, or face rejection. Because the world doesn't like it when you love too hard, too much, too fast. The world is based on lies and deceit and hate. And that isn't fair, because we are built to love. It is programmed into us, to trust. To desire. To belong.Â
And maybe you've been lonely for a long time. Maybe you've learned to seclude yourself, to lock your emotions in a tight chamber and seal them off from the world. You've learned to hate. You are now the one who accuses, who blames, who rips and tears and screams. And maybe you've even learned to hate yourself.
But then comes someone different. Someone who loves with a burning fire. And you envy them. You wish you could tear down your walls, become the person you used to be. They glow. Like a moth to a flame, you are drawn. And you find yourself addicted. You need them. You crave the warmth they bring back to your cold corner of the world. But you see what's happening. From afar you watch as they slowly recede. Their fire burns out, and with them, so does your hope.
And suddenly you realize that it can't happen. You can't let this happen. You think, maybe just this once. Just this once you can love again. You can love like never before. And you're happy. You're pink and yellow and green and orange. You're sunlight through the trees on a warm day. You're that crisp, blue sky in the morning, and you're that flock of doves that just flew overhead, and you are the calming rain in the evening. And slowly their spirit returns. You teach each other what it is like to love again. You feed off one another, your happiness keeping you away from the dark corners of your mind that try to call you back.
Because there is always hope. You and this person, your flame, you know this. And you know what can happen. You've been there. You've felt it. You know that if you aren't careful, you will fall back from grace. You will begin to hate, you will feel the anger and the pain eating away at you. You know this. So you love and you trust and you let them back in. And you begin to live again.
But the world doesn't like it when we love too hard.
