Apr 23
my ex coming over is still .ā¦interesting.
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my ex coming over is still .ā¦interesting.
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So apparently my hometown was hit by the tornados Friday night. They just said the name of the town on the national news and I about jumped out of my seat. The destruction is unbelievable.
I was glad to leave that place and don't miss it, but it's still pretty horrifying to see it like that. Searching the internet to find out if anyone I used to know was affected.
If you think I'll be in my room all day streaming one direction concert videos and mvs ...you're so not wrong
Everything's so weird, and not even because of the state of the world itself right now... Just in general things feel so strange, like I'm constantly fighting with my self to make a decision about something, I don't even know what the stakes are, but I have to make a decision.
That probably doesn't make any sense. I just feel kinda lost as well as being painstakingly limited on solutions to get away from myself or any given situation.
š Since you've been drawing yourself as masculine.
hmmm, thatās fair
thereās a few mixed reasons as to why it is, tho. one part that my sexuality is also kinda fluid so my expression tends to lean towards whatever iām feeling to as well.
but itās also a bit of dysphoria. i wonāt go into details but iāve almost been... sortaĀ āafraidā to identify as feminine recently? idk.
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I wanted to hug him at the movies. Just sit and watch arm in arm but I donāt even know whatās going on in his life š
I went today back from the airport in the car, it was midnight, and there were barely any lights on the highway; I didnāt want to sleep (somehow???) so I watched the stars. There were so many of them!!! I sat in awe and just talked silently to myself.
And I got this longing, as if I belonged there and not here, on Earth; and I thought about so many things.
Here are some of the most memorable and important ideas I got:
The stars are sO BEAUTIFUL
How did the ancient people look at the stars?? As far as I know, people have always looked at them in awe and wonder. But what did they look like to people when the people were just slightly intelligent monkeys, when the stars werenāt even called āstarsā yet? Had they looked up at the night sky, saw the small twinkling fairy lights and thought, and wondered what they were? Had they gotten that magical feeling of just being, just existing? Had they gotten at least a slight understanding of how small they( the people ) were, in this big universe? Had they just watched them and felt calm? When personality wasnāt really even such a complicated thing yet, how did different people react? Did some get scared, of those small weird things in the sky following them around all night long? We just donāt knowā¦
When we die, if our consciousness doesnāt dissolve completely into nothingness and we have a āsoulā or something similar, can we go and see the stars?? That would be fun
Stars are light years apart, but from Earth we see them in groups, and name them āconstellationsā. Humans long before us named them weird or cute names because they saw something in those twinkling lights in the sky. They thought of stars, or rather groups of them as we see them from here (Earth) as living creatures, or omens, or signs from - well, wherever, depends on what you believe. They made horoscopes, and believed that they could see into the future with them. They believed that stars were majestical and mysterious, but they didnāt make a scary tale of it like they did with many things on Earth: like those WEIRD SOUNDS IN THE FOREST or those DEEP DARK SEAS AND OCEANS or MOUNTAIN CAVES. The people looked at them and saw beauty in them, even when they didnāt actually know what they were. And with hundreds and hundreds of years of research, the beauty didnāt cease to exist - it all only got better.
So StArS aRe AmAzInG
Stars