#weight lifted

Like many people out there, I have student loan debt. My hubby has student loan debt. Hundreds and hundreds of dollars a month. Not only do we have student loan debt with terrible interest rates, we also had medical bills and credit card debt to take care of unexpected emergencies over the last few years. It's stressful. Many of you understand.

My family has never had much and hasn't been able to help, which I don't expect them to. I work hard to do what I can. I still had 10 years to pay on my loans when I checked a month ago. 10 years. There has been no end in sight.

Until now.

After a lot of hard work and working with a financial advisor, we paid off our two major credit cards today. I am paying the remainder of my student loans in full tomorrow. And within the next year, the remainder of my husband's student loans will be paid in full. Not only that, we will have a true emergency savings account opened by the end of the year.

Lovelies, I sobbed. Full on sobbed. Ugly cried until my chest and head hurt. The stress of this debt has weighed on me and kept me up at night. I worried for my kids. I worried for myself. And now I can actually put some of this money toward both their future and mine. It's an amazing feeling.

Now, we're not out of the woods. 😂 My hubby still has that last student loan, along with a car payment and our mortgage. But, fuck, the weight is so much lighter and I feel like I can finally breathe. We needed this win.

Appreciate the good vibes, lovelies. I'm sending them back your way. I hope any weight you have weighing down on you is lifted. I hope you can breathe a bit easier.

Love you all. ❤️

PS - The advisor also said no big spending, but my teammate said I should buy myself something nice and that candles don't count. ☠️ Can I buy a fictional husband? 🤣

So, i will share my experiences in shadow work in random things. This one is something i thought i have been past, nope! This shadow went from my 5'5 self to being 10ft tall.

So how did i first handle this, big ass, nasty smelling, shadow that i thought was gone to making my astral home feel icky, made my physical home feel icky. Full honesty? I hit it. I decked this shadow hard and was pissed.

I worked through this... so I thought. Instead, i hid it, and didnt realize it. I was pissed at myself, why hide and make believe i got rid of this shadow, this negitivity. The shadow? Hit me back, i saw stars. My next option? Show it double the stars it showed me. This went on for a few hours, just fighting this shadow. Before my loving spirit family were like woah! Not the way to handle this. 😂

Next step, was confrontation. And i was scared. I mean this shadow was "gone" and here it stood before me, bigger then before. The shadow made me feel sick to my tummy and i was so mad that i hid it. The thing of shadow work, is only you can beat that shadow. Just. You.

So i rose to the challenge. This shadow wasnt going to be pummeled away, doesnt work like that. I have to heal from it, let it fade away. So it dug deep, deep down. And it found all my weaknesses, it knows them as i do. And it threw mud at me. It wants to stay, i wasnt letting it. So, i kept my cool as it threw the mud, let it roll off me. And unraveled it. This shadow, one of my greatest challenges.

Why?

This shadow was, my father's backward logic. This shadow was the anger at him for not being a father, not being around, caring about drugs and a quick buck verses his children. My hatred of him, and how i can see features of him in myself as i look in the mirror. Your kids go first is what my mom taught me. But his logic of discard anyone who didnt fuel his pocket, that was me. I had to earn his love, and earning his love was never possible. I thought i handled this shadow years ago. Nope, hid it.

Here is the progress though. I went from hating him, to very strongly disliking him. And that shadow will be dealt woth as well, until i am at neutral terms with him. He doesnt deserve my hate, my dislikement. It isnt hurting him. Its hurting me. My growth as a person. My growth on my path. So hate and that big negitivity that has been lurking in my shadow, gone. And a big weight has been lifted.

If you dont break down that shadow, it hurts those you love. Remember your shadow work.

~A shadow lighter Candii~