hmm. i have these moments often. i think that strong, healthy relationships require active maintenance by consciously habitually questioning yourself and why you love someone (out of curiosity rather than a demand for proof). it helps me a lot with emotional impermanence because the habitual aspect means i will remember the facts from the repetition.

if you mean the first time i realized i was in love with her: i flew out to visit her for a couple of weeks as a friend. before i had visited, i asked her if i could hold her hand because i have agoraphobia and being away from home would be stressful for me. we watched kamen rider, which i had never heard of before; by the end of the first binge watch session, i realized i was in love with her when i realized i’d been holding her hand for 12 hours until it ached too much to keep holding on

fuck im sorry. hopefully it ends up for the better but i know you'll do what you can to try to keep things well. i'm sorry it falls on YOU and no one else though.

the last time i tried i can’t remember if like... i mentioned that she flat out told me she didn’t care she wasn’t ready to stop drinking and got pissed at me when i poured her bottle of vodka down the drain? and the time before that, my uncle told everyone i was SUPPLYING her with booze to keep her drunk so i could take advantage of her, so literally my efforts to help her sober up resulted in me being declared a predator??????????? i don’t even have a car i have to beg ppl to let me go rescue her and stuff and when we leave that’s gonna at least a 6 hour distance and idk how i can help her after that especially when she won’t accept my help??? 

It’s from a union song! It goes:

As we go marching, marching, in the beauty of the day A million darkened kitchens, a thousand mill lofts gray Are touched with all the radiance that a sudden sun disclosesFor the people hear us singing, bread and roses, bread and roses.

i mostly focused on efficiency and speed cuz i knew i’d never be happy with my art and i just needed to like... be able to draw without spending 3,000 hours on one picture.

the main exercises i did:-doing studies of environments and inanimate, man-made objects because Everybody Hates Backgrounds -- taught me how to start understanding visual information on a level that didn’t rely on flexibility or plausible deniability-gesture drawings, started with 60 seconds, moved down to 30 eventually -- taught me how to draw without sketching, an exercise i’d highly recommend to anyone, but i will say it can be extremely frustrating-timed drawings, usually 5 minutes for a doodle, 30 minutes for a loose study/speedpaint or 5000x5000 canvas-fill deal, or an hour for an entirely finished picture -- taught me how to draw fast, similar to gesture drawings, but the part about this one was that i usually was drawing whatever i wanted to, so it was teaching me how to do the decision-making of art more quickly and spontaneously-drawing and studying animation keyframes/comics -- this one taught me how to not only understand the foundational shapes of what i was seeing, but starting to get a feel for how things tend to move and what things look like in motion, helps make your art a lot more dynamic and controlled-drawing a familiar object from different perspectives -- just helps you grow a more cinematic eye, not draw everything at eye level. it also helped me understand shapes more cuz i had to manipulate those shapes without refs of objects in forced perspectives to lean on

studies basically always help if you feel like you’re stuck. figure out what you’re most unhappy with and then look at refs and exercises related to thatif you hate your coloring: find some pretty aesthetic photos, take them into photoshop and use the mosaic tool, copy the colors from the squares it makes, and paint over the photos to do a speed paint. after u can do that decently fast, start trying to guess colors by eyeballing.also take some of the drawings you don’t like and mess with the levels in photoshop to see if you can get them to look better. if you do, then try to redo the picture and emulate the edited colors by picking them by hand again so u start to understand what looks goodif you hate your anatomy: pull up refs of anything, trace over several of the references (literally trace), then sketch it a few times with no references at all. do gesture drawings. but seriously, the “tracing to understand shapes” thing is invaluable as an exerciseif u hate how u stylize things: style emulation exercises, draw one thing in several other people’s “styles” so you don’t end up only ripping off one person. really try to figure out what comprises other artists’ styles so that you can start to understand and itemize your ownif u hate your lines: mechanical exercises, try drawing with different tool settings from your usual, line sketches you’ve done as exercises to stay in the “lines” zone.if you feel like your art is stiff/flat: do the anatomy exercises. take some of your gesture drawing exercises, redraw the poses by hand in a little more detail. a few days later, go back to those redrawn poses and redraw them AGAIN by drawing over them and exaggerating the shit out of all of the curves and tapers. basically just keep going “but can i push this EVEN FURTHER” until you feel like its not stiff/dynamic anymore

okay i hate to be That Person but even after a google search i cant find what cate did wrong. i mean i… can assume things from context but i want to know from someone who has more knowledge on it