#webcameras

With the popularity of video chatting on the rise I am in a constant state of worrying that somebody is watching me. Not a Big Brother sort of watching, but a close friend who happened to turn their computer on at the right time--kind of similar to a butt-dial--sort of way. And it's not that I worry about them catching me doing something dirty, but I worry that they will catch me doing something embarrassingly personal. For example:

What if I happen to have a jar of peanut butter? I can eat a whole jar of peanut butter in one sitting if I throw caution to the wind. I will often begin this without a drink close at hand. There have been several times in my life where I have ingested so much peanut butter at once that it actually chokes me until I can get to the sink. Everybody assumes this happens to me, but I don't want anybody to actually visually witness the spectacle.

What if it's on for hours while I walk around my apartment in my underwear?  I leave my computer opened with music playing all the time. Sometimes I feel like dancing.

                       What if I am eating a Hot Pocket? Now I have pretty much sworn off Hot Pockets, but if I had one in my possession I would probably eat it. I worry that somewhere there will be a screen shot of me eating a Hot Pocket and then cringing in pain as it burns the roof of my mouth.

I guess this question should be more generic for most of the gross things that a person may eat in the privacy of their home, but never mention in public. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. It could serve as an ice-breaker for future mutual bonding conversations. "Whoa, you eat relish from a can with a spoon too!?"

What if I am listening (singing along) to Rod Stewart and they hear it in the background? Stifle your judgment. Walgreens' musac has me actually liking the song Stay With Me. It just happened.

What if I'm picking my nose while staring at the computer screen in a mouth-breathing, unfocused via lack of contacts state? I'm always doing this so if anybody has ever live-chatted with me they've already witnessed it.

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I like to think that the motion sensor in automatic flushing toilets is actually a tiny web camera. It is always so spot on with its timing; flushing exactly when my Loch Ness Monster is nestled safely in my underwear. I believe that there is a surveillance warehouse somewhere full of workers (men for men and women for women, of course) that push a flush button once they suspect that the micturater is finished.

I don't want that job.