#weasley rants

I just think the standards some people have set for this show were ridiculously high and the negativity is fucking exhausting. I mean I'm all for critique, but the complaints I keep coming across border on unhinged. But hey, I'm new to Tolkien fandom so maybe it's always been like this. My love for Tolkien has always been very much outside of fandom. It's a childhood love, the kind of books I pick up when I'm feeling low or nostalgic. It wasn't until I absolutely fell for Bagginshield that I stepped into the fandom, and I've heard from others that Tolkien fans can be, er, intense. (I remember them from uni. They were scary. And by scary I mean the kind of tweed clad Oxford arsehole I used to pickpocket down the pub).

Edit- sorry, I need to add this because this is the level of criticism that grates me more than anything. One pretty popular Youtube Tolkien vlogger suggested that the "Halbrand is Sauron" reveal could be vastly improved/retconned by Isildur discovering the real Halbrand's body. Thus, the real Sauron only appeared after the eruption of Mount Doom. They continued to say that they doubted this would ever happen because "the show is not clever enough to do so".

I’m never sure if I really want a sequel to Brave or not, but if there was one and I had supreme godly powers over the narrative? Oh my god, hold onto your buttcheeks mate.

There are so many loose ends I want to see tied up and, erm, non-bear oriented Scottish mythology to be tackled.

First the major loose ends.

- You don’t fuck with the stones

In Scottish folklore, custom, and tradition you just don’t mess with old stones. Hell I’m not even that superstitious, but you wouldn’t catch me drawing so much as a handlebar moustache on an old standing stone (mind you, I am a coward). People are still superstitious about standing stones today. Not so long ago in the 1960s there was a building site in my town that caused a lot of anger in the neighbourhood because they had moved an ancient standing stone. They were eventually forced to move it back (right smack bam in front of the house they had built).

A great deal of mystery surrounds the purpose of these megaliths. Were they used in Bronze Age rituals? If so, what about the older sites, such as the Callanish Stones (the inspiration for the stone circle in Brave) which were erected in the Neolithic era? Were stone circles a kind of early lunar observatory? Did they align with surrounding mountain ranges? The explanations in folklore are just as numerous: the Grannie Stone in Irvine tells the story of a Goddess turned to stone. Sometimes the stones are said to be haunted by faeries or ancestors, or they were giants turned to stone after refusing to convert to Christianity. In other stories the stones are soldiers- private armies ready to be called upon by their master. In these tales bad things tend to happen to those who harm the stones.

The climax of Brave saw Mor'du being crushed by the stone Elinor had broken, thus symbolically breaking the cycle of violence. But if we’re to follow the logic of Scottish lore, not only has a stone been felled, but a sacred circle has been broken. There could be consequences to that. Can’t imagine the Bear Witch would be much chuffed with it either. Seriously, there are tons of stories you could pull from this. Get on it, Pixar!

- Elinor’s necklace

At first Elinor’s necklace seemed to be important to be the plot. After all, we see Elinor wearing it in the film’s very first scene. In the end its purpose was largely symbolic. But maybe there’s more to explore there? The witch was certainly quick to snap it up. Maybe there’s a reason why… The necklace bore a symbol of three bears chasing each other endlessly, much like the Ouroboros symbol, and the stone circle that features in the film. However, once Merida gives away her mother’s necklace to the witch we never hear nor see of it again. So Brave ends with the stone circle broken and the necklace bearing an infinity symbol lost. Definitely something to work with there! Add to that is Elinor’s crown. We never see her reclaim it (but I guess that’s also symbolic of her own personal journey and changing attitude to her role as Queen and mother).

- The Ex-Suitors

I really, REALLY hate Once Upon a Time’s portrayal of the suitors. It’s just too easy, too obvious and too insulting to portray the young lords as stupid, arrogant dudebros who disrespect Merida because she’s a woman. How about a story where Merida and the young heirs have to put aside their differences and work together, preparing the four of them as future leaders? There’s a ton of stuff you could work with here. When we last see them, Wee Dingwall is slobbering kisses up Merida’s arm, MacGuffin has struck up a strong friendship with MacIntosh, and if we’re to take the cut epilogue from the artbook as canon (which I do as it explains certain things in the movie), Merida sees something in Young MacGuffin. I wouldn’t want a sequel to be a romance, however. I like the idea of hinting at Merida and MacGuffin as a future couple, without their romance leading a sequel or even being a major sub-plot. 

I think one of the reasons Brave wasn’t so popular with audiences was its narrow focus on two characters: Merida and her mother. Now I personally love that. We rarely get mother/daughter stories that are adventurous and fun and genuine. But I wouldn’t want a sequel to have the same narrow focus. As Merida grows, her world should expand and a sequel should reflect this, developing relationships with people outside her family. Her ex-suitors are perfect for this. When we’re first introduced to them, they appear very one dimensional. MacIntosh is arrogant, MacGuffin is shy, and Dingwall is …uhm. Odd. By the end of the film, like Merida they are revealed to be more than first meets the eye: MacGuffin may be shy, but he’s also empathetic and kind, aware of the unfair situation the suitors and Merida have been forced into. MacIntosh may be arrogant, but he also cares deeply for his father and shows signs of great leadership. Dingwall is surprisingly lucid, even eloquent - despite his vague stares, he has strong views on his situation. They’re far from fully-fleshed out characters, but there’s enough there to build on. After all, if Brave is partly about not judging people by first appearances, then it would be good to explore and challenge audience expectations. Just because MacIntosh is arrogant and a bit of a git doesn’t mean he can’t have heart. Just because Dingwall is a bit of an oddball doesn’t mean he can’t be observant and clever. Just because MacGuffin is shy and fat doesn’t mean he can’t be brave or a romantic interest.

You’ve also got the makings of a cracking comedic set up with Merida and the young lords. Imagine Dingwall as this cunning Machiavellian strategist who also has a tendency of breaking into sonnet around Merida; MacGuffin trying desperately to keep the peace between MacIntosh and Merida who constantly pit their egos against each other; the occasional sweetly awkward moment between Merida and MacGuffin, with typical gender roles completely reversed (think MacGuffin damsel in distress XD); MacIntosh being the butt of every joke, but too enamoured with himself to realise. Each character should present some kind of challenge for Merida or support her in what she lacks. MacIntosh’s big ego presents a challenge to her own pride and ego. Where Merida tends to be a bit hot-blooded and quick to jump, Dingwall hangs back and observes. MacGuffin is humble and shy, where Merida is bold and brave. He is the antithesis to Merida’s stubbornness and opens up potential romantic feelings which are entirely new to her and take adjusting to.

Ultimately, I think the focus of a Brave sequel should take its lead from the first. Brave is largely a film about family, coming of age, and the connection we have to the rest of the world. The tapestry in Brave symbolises our interconnectedness - our decisions don’t just affect our own fates, but the fates of those around us (especially if you’re a privileged person with power). So a sequel should really be the next chapter in Merida and her kingdom’s story. What are the consequences of the first film’s ending? The stone circle is broken. Could that be symbolic of a threat to the unity of the four clans? After all, the Lords didn’t exactly intend their sons to stop competing for Merida’s hand.

Merida has had her first real taste of leadership and that should definitely be built upon. Will she be the future leader and Queen of Dunbroch, or will that title fall to one of her three brothers? Her relationship with her mother has changed, so how about exploring her relationship with her father? Fergus never believed in magic and his ignorance almost led to the death of his wife by his own hand. Would he blame the Bear witch? I can also totally see Fergus secretly preparing Merida to take his place when he’s gone, with or without Merida’s knowledge. How would the four Lords feel about that when it’s revealed?

I think if Brave was to get a sequel it should be part of a trilogy, with each film marking a new turning point and chapter in Merida’s life. This would tie in nicely with the recurring number 3 in the film: the symbol of the three bears on Elinor’s necklace, the triplets, Merida’s relationship with her parents, the three lords, the three clans, the three suitors. If this is Merida’s story, then her relationship with each of the aforementioned should be the focus of a trilogy. And I think at the forefront of that should be her relationship with the three young lords. The kingdom was forged in Fergus’s friendship with MacIntosh, MacGuffin and Dingwall. Therefore, if Merida is to lead then the second part of her story should be about challenging her (and the audiences’) first impressions of the young lords and forging a bond with them, strengthening the kingdom and thus symbolically repairing the broken stone circle. 

The second part of the trilogy should also introduce a major conflict which has its roots in the first film. Maybe there’s a looming threat on the horizon; a supernatural threat i.e. the broken stone circle (could be symbolic of the threat to the four clans unity?) or the threat of invaders? Maybe it’s both?

Or maybe it is just that simple, that these are all characters with relationships that could have been, might have been, and often on the verge of being (in particular Ymir/Historia and Springles, because fight me if you don’t think that image of Sasha holding up a light to Connie was meant to look like a proposal -  why else dedicate a large panel to that?) and had they been given the chance to live a normal life together.

I can't remember your full ask, but I think we differ somewhat on what's implied in the manga and what's just bleeding obvious. For me, Historia/Ymir are in the bleeding obvious category, and Springles falls into the first. This is because Shonen manga, and Attack on Titan in particular, doesn't do romance. Romance is never the focal point of the story, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist either and that it’s not important textually. I think Western readers tend to fuck up a bit when reading manga. We're really used to having things spelled out for us when it comes to romance in media. There are certain expectations we've become accustomed to that have made us dead lazy as consumers, and if they're not met then we cry 's’not canon! yer jumping to conclusions!'. Most importantly we're accustomed to having our expectations fulfilled when it comes to two characters who have a close relationship and if they’re not we assume it was never meant to be read that way. So for example, if one character dies we expect some kind of clarification beforehand. I see that in this fandom a lot i.e. the outrage at the grisly break up of Historia/Ymir, Levi/Petra "why can't we have nice things?!" etc. etc. I find it frustrating because it makes me think people are missing out on all these great interpersonal stories because we're so used and addicted to having things served up on a platter. It's a really unhealthy way of reading texts, but I digress.

To put it bluntly, romance is not the focus of Attack on Titan and therefore very, very few pairings will ever get the kind of confirmation Western readers tend to crave. That doesn't mean these pairings don't exist or aren't implied, but it does mean you have to accept that they exist within the cultural signs, signals and art style. There's a Japanese term, 'Kuuki wo Yomenai hito', which basically means someone who can't 'read the air', and 'Kuuki wo Yomu' meaning 'read the air' (important if you're ever learning Japanese or visiting the country). Being able to read the air basically amounts to being able to sense the mood or atmosphere, and Kuuki Yomenai is often used to describe someone a bit clueless to Japanese culture. Japanese people tend not to be as straightforward or direct with their speech (in fact a lot of cultures find Western straightforwardness as deeply suspicious, which I've discovered over and over again in many deeply embarrassing situations - I'm officially an awkward twat in 5 out of 7 continents). Romance in particular is very rarely directly expressed, so you have to rely a lot more heavily on the cultural coding, which is often expressed in ways non-Japanese readers just don't get. For example, one of the most common examples are of two characters who are always at each others side, who have a push/pull relationship, who support one another, and often drawn in visually leading ways (example: Sasha holding up the light to Connie). So that's why I say the aforementioned pairs are implicitly stated, because I read SNK with this in mind. Hell I think people are missing a lot in this series if they don’t. Isayama hides shit all over the place.

Regardless, these are all characters who have now lost the person closest to them. So whether you want to read romance into these relationships or not, I think it's certainly a pattern. What it signifies is the real debate (I was thinking more along the lines of symbolism and duality, and loss of a potential future).

It's a little surprising to me that the Disney fandom went absolutely apeshit over the "Disneyfication" of Merida in their merchandise - something Brenda Chapman even spoke out against, calling it a cheap ploy to sell merchandise - yet there hasn't been any commentary on other Brave spin-offs.

Merida's a Disney/Pixar heroine who, in Chapman’s own words, was created to be a different kind of Princess. Now, I don’t think it makes me a good feminist to sit here and pit Disney Princess against Disney Princess; I think popular perception of the “Disney Princess” is a different beast altogether when compared with the actual source material, which has both positive and negative aspects. But when it comes to Merida the writers intentionally set out from the start to try something new. She has a fuller, rounded figure, a nuanced relationship with her mother, and romance plays no part in her story. You could argue there’s evidence of a romantic interest, but that’s not the same thing as a romantic subplot, and it’s not overt enough that you can say with any certainty. The writers admit the original idea was to have Merida walk off into the sunset with Young MacGuffin, the suitor who briefly catches her attention early in the film, but that epilogue thankfully only exists in the artbook and deleted scenes.

And let me be clear, there's nothing wrong with Merida having a romantic interest. In fact, I came to love that Merida is subtly shown to be a little interested in Young MacGuffin. 

I was watching Mulan the other night with a @pale-silver-comb​ (who is 100% responsible for my newfound love of Disney- well, that and the fact I need bright happy escapist animation as the rest of my time is spent neck deep in miserable politics). We were cackling over the scene where Mulan ogles a shirtless Shang and later wound up ranting over how rare it is to see women checking out guys in films. When women do make their attraction known, they tend to run the risk of being framed or labelled as shameless, or worse, sluts. On the flipside, how often do we see guys ogling girls in media? Yeah, exactly. It's a shitty myth that women don't own their sexuality in the same ways men do. That's one of the things I love about Mulan and Merida as heroines - they're not "strong female characters" (god I hate that term, can we please kill it?) just because they kick large hairy man arse. They're great characters because they are so relatable. They're funny, they're giant dorks, they stuff their gobs, they check guys out, they can be crass, proud, and make mistakes. These are all things women do, but aren't shown to do nearly as often as men are in mainstream media.

I’m glad the Brave epilogue with Merida and Young MacGuffin didn't make the final cut, because the story wasn't about Merida finding romance - it was about Merida's relationship with her mother, and the two of them confronting their pride, opening their minds to new ways of thinking, and admitting their mistakes. The epilogue had no place in Brave’s narrative. To have included it would have harmed the message of the story by adding romance for the sake of romance, rather than for any narrative purpose. But at the same time I don't want to downplay Merida showing even a subtle interest because yay women owning their own sexuality. One of the things that has driven me crazy since I was a kid myself is the patronising infantilization of girls. A crush is normal, you can pretty much get them at any age, it does not mean you’re not enjoying your childhood to the fullest. Fuck that noise. I had massive crushes from the age of 4 and still managed to climb trees, get into fights and battle Captain Hook and Shredder on my T-Rex with imaginary best friend Gollum at my side (what? fuck you we had a bond). That Merida might have had a bit of a crush on Young MacGuffin reinforces for me the fact she’s a character who doesn't want to get married because she doesn’t bloody want to, not because the suitors are conveniently horrible people she vehemently dislikes. I actually find that even more inspiring. So yes, Brave is a great film with a pretty amazing heroine.

Which is why it pisses me off when spin-off writers take something so progressive and shaft it.

This isn't a ship shaming post at all - fandom is a ship & let ship space, ship Merida with her bow for all I care, it's all good. This critique is aimed at crappy spin-offs and I’m taking Once Upon a Time as an example. Now, OUAT isn’t all bad. Sometimes it takes Disney canon and transforms it into something really interesting, progressive and original. Or, well, it used to. Recent seasons not so much. The actress who plays Merida is the only good thing about OUAT's Brave arc. The rest is unbearably lazy (HA! pun.) writing. The gravest injustice has to be King Fergus, who looks like he's wearing a wig knitted from a highland cow's pubes.

Don't get me started on his accent. I’m scottish. No Scotsman sounds like that. Not unless they’re squeedging out an enormous post-curry-hangover shit. I love Fergus, but honestly I was relieved OUAT!Fergus was bumped off before my ears could go on strike.

The suitors are also sexist pigs. Dingwall and MacGuffin don't even say anything, they just play the lazy mindless followers/minions to MacIntosh who’s probably the most unlikeable aspect of the arc. Really says something about OUAT when the original animation, aimed at a younger audience, portrays its characters as more nuanced. In Brave, Young MacIntosh is all bluff- he’s a show off, a sore loser and generally a bit of a prick, but there are also glimpses of genuine empathy. He's also the suitor Merida is openly put off by in the film. So yeah, in Brave, Young MacIntosh is a bit of a lanky fucktrumpet, but he's not anywhere close to being the scabby sexist cockwomble he is in OUAT. This would be fine if it had some sort of clever narrative purpose, but who am I kidding, it’s OUAT. OUAT!MacIntosh is a proper dickhead and there’s no reason for Merida to like any of the suitors, because unlike in Brave, they’re all fucking assholes. And yet the OUAT arc still ends with Merida giving him the smitten googley eyes. Because romance or something. cool.

Another Brave novelisation published by Disney Random House ends with Merida confirming to the reader that yes, she did eventually marry. Well thank fuck for that! My frail girlish heart couldn't possibly entertain the idea of Merida never marrying. Thank you book, you've reassured conservative parents everywhere.

In addition to that bollocks is.. probably one of the worst offenders. I recently picked up a couple of the Merida chapter books by Sudipta Bardham-Quallen, again published by Disney Random House. They're for wee kids, but I wanted to see more of @gurihiru​​ 's lovely art which I’m fully smitten with. The writing isn’t great, but the stories involve challenging enough themes for very young readers. To the author's credit there's a bit of an effort made to retain a Scottish feel to them and there’s a nice focus on female friendships as Merida encounters new characters. It’s a bit cutesy-poo BFFs!!, the kind of thing I hated as a kid, but hey, we need more female friendship stories. The new characters are even quite likeable, so thumbs up there.

Then I picked up the second book, The Fire Falls (also written by Sudipta Bardham-Quallen), and cringed. Basically bad Merida and Young MacIntosh fanfic involving some classic tropes like: 'I'm not jealous, I’m just better than all those shameless slags flirting with him' and 'arg he's such an asshole but i'm inexplicably attracted to him though there's nothing to show in the story why I should be!' and my favourite - ‘He’s a bad guy but I can change him!’

Here's my main issue: why is it when a female character shows or says she’s not interested in a guy's advances this all too often becomes a springboard for their romance? Why do these stories have such an obsession with positioning the sexist hyper-masculine asshole as the romantic lead? (I'm sure that couldn’t have any dire implications for the worl-oh fuck). And in Brave's case, when the source material and original epilogue show Merida taking an interest in the big fat guy, why don’t any of the spin-offs build on that? Young MacGuffin also happens to be the only one in the entire film to vocally stand up for Merida’s rights. That’s pretty cool! So why don’t spin-offs celebrate that? The cynic in me says we all know the answer - much like Merida had to be “sexed up” to sell Disney merchandise, the fat suitor had to be swapped out for the skinny. 

Really, in a film that revolves around Merida's frustration that people aren't listening to her, it sort of amazes me that these spin-offs don't realise they AREN'T LISTENING TO HER.

And yeah, obviously I know it seems really silly picking on kids books and OUAT, neither of which are ever going to win awards for great progressive writing, but considering America just elected a vile celebrity as President and populism is on the rise, maybe it’s time we all said screw that academic snobbery and paid more attention to popular media. This stuff is common, these tropes are common, and it’s consumed mostly by young kids who internalise these crappy messages.

I make a big deal of it because these coded messages have a profound effect on us as we grow. These messages tell us to ignore a girl's decision and choice: that when she says 'I'm not interested' what we hear is 'I am'; that the most "attractive" and most "masculine" guy will always be the “natural” choice; that being fat or shy or awkward are inherently negative qualities and will always be overlooked by the loud wanker distracting everyone by waving his tiny hands around.

I'm now a published historian and I plan on publishing children's books in the near future; I work part-time in a bookshop, so I talk to kids about the stories they read, the stories they want to read, and their frustrations with the stories they HAVE read, all the time; I studied child psychology as part of my degree in Social Anthropology: this is why it matters to me and why I know all too well how much these coded messages affect us. I know it from my own experiences as a half-Moroccan kid with a dead father, growing up in a classroom of white kids who all came from middle-class households with two parents. This was all brought back to me when I rediscovered some of my old journals and stories I had written for class where I portrayed myself as being blonde/white and talked as if my dad was still alive, because I desperately wanted to be *normal*. I never got to encounter a character like Merida growing up, and I wish to god I had.

The other day President Bawbag had what should have been a very private meeting with the Japanese PM where they discussed North Korea's latest missile launch over dinner in the middle of one of his hotels (which he's dubbed "the winter White House"). It's unbelievable. Top secret documents just lying around for hotel staff and holidaymakers to see. Gets worse. One holidaymaker noticed the guy who carries the nuclear football for Trump and took a selfie with him. A selfie. With the guy who carries around the nuclear codes. Thankfully the aide who’s charged with carrying the nuclear football around is changed regularly, but broadcasting the fact that any old punter can just rock up to the bloke carrying the nuclear codes and TAKE A SELFIE WITH HIM FOR FACEBOOK probably isn’t the smartest thing in the world to do. I mean Jeeezus, that isn't Taylor Swift you stringy piece of butt fluff, WHY IS EVERYONE WITHIN A 10 MILE RADIUS OF TRUMP SUCH A COMPLETE DINGUS?! 

God, spy novels and Bond movies are going to be dead boring from now on. 

"We need you to go under cover on a top secret mission to steal the American nuclear codes. Here, take this Hawaiian shirt." 

"Ok Q, how does it work? Poisonous gas? EMP weapon?"