'I'm sorry. I don't speak Weanerisch.' That will be the sign of the uncultured individual in the not-so-distant future. As Viennese, or Weanerisch as the culturally sophisticated say, moves in giant steps toward becoming the internationally recognized world language, those unfortunate sould who cannot speak it will be at a great disadvantage in the work place, the bookstore, the media, and in cultural circles. The person who can't speak Weanerisch will be branded as old-fashioned (oidvadrisch) and unhip. This phrasebook is intended to keep you on the cutting edge of society, and will help guarantee that your datebook and dance card will be full well into the next century. But what is Weanerisch, and how has it come to replace English as the world language. Well, according to E.A. Powidl, world-famous Schlawinistiker, Weanerisch is simply nothing less than the whole reason language was invented. 'Everything in the realm of languages,' Powidl says, 'has merely been a cobblestone in the road toward the perfect language. Sanskrit, Greek, Latin, Yiddish--all of these languages were mere building blocks. Unfortunately, the world has taken a step backward in the last century by accepting the language of Great Britain, but that is all changing now. People are finally realizing that there is no language more expressive, more full of wit and charm, more perfectly suited to the Age of Communication, than the language of Vienna. And where language leads the way, culture is sure to follow.'
Committee for the Expansion and Advancement of Viennese as the Internationally Recognized World Language
