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This kills me. I just finished writing him a letter, after not being able to write him one for awhile.
& I go to his wall and I see his friend that I don't really care for posted on his wall about surprising him.
Of course they are NOT "just friends" I KNEW IT. I FUCKING KNEW IT. Even before he left that something was going on between them.
I WANTED to surprise him. But his mom doesn't like to give me any information and he probably doesn't even want me there.
I'm just so crushed right now. I haven't cried in awhile.. & well tonight's the night...
I get so jealous of her. All my friends think of her as a fat ugly lesbo. But I don't think that of her. She is one of his best friends. She is and always has been there for him. Now, writing him letter. They have something else I can never compare too. It hurts, it really does. He probably has grown feelings for her and that's one of the many reasons why he just wants me as a friends. & as a friend I will continue to be there for him and be happy for him as long as he is happy, if he really does have feelings for her, that is. & I really need to prepare myself for it. So it really doesn't hurt me when or if they do end up getting together, which they already have... but I mean actual boyfriend girlfriend together. If not her, any other girl...
Last night was homecoming. I wasn't really excited for it and it was a good thing I wasn't because it wasn't that great at all. The night was just blaaahhh.
& I should've remembered how C dances from winter formal last year.. not the best.
I think the only fun part the whole day/night was getting ready and taking pictures... that's about it.
Disappointed.
I really wonder if my night would have been different if E was my date... I continuously miss him more and more :/
No. I can't. I can't cry. I have to stay strong.
I've already cried twice since he has left. I can't have a third day/night where I cry because I miss him so much.
All this talk about homecoming and how everyone is just soo excited to go.. While I'm not excited at all. I just miss E and want him to be my date.. It might be fun with my group of friends probably, but I just don't really see myself having as much fun with C at homecoming because I'll be thinking of E.. I've been missing E so much lately, that I just want him to be mine again and be able to go to this dance with me.
Homecoming is just making me miss him so much this week. I ONLY WANT HIM. & I can't fucking have him.
My emotions are just full of anger and sadness right now. I just want to cry.. but I can't.
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Not to sound cocky at all.. but all these guys are wanting me.. while I just want him.
I miss him.. but what he has done and said to me really makes me feel like I really shouldn't.. but I can't help it.
I just want to at least be a good friend and send him on uplifting letter...
E,
Even though you're gone. No way of talking or seeing you. I'm still missing you...
Even though I've been messing around with a guy and somewhat falling for him.. You're still the only one I want.
Homecoming is next month and I wish I was going with you.
