#wcapsu

I’m supposed to write more. To get things off my mind, my chest; to empty my mind, to relieve my stress. I’ll try to write more; a post a night, reflecting on my day. 

For some odd reason, I kept waking up in the middle of the night last night. It’s not that I can’t sleep, it’s just that I kept waking up for no particular reason. Well, I can’t say “no particular reason”... There’s a weird lump beneath my left earlobe; I don’t think there’s anything weird with it, though. However, I should get it checked out, ha. 

Just a regular morning today. Left for work at around 10:00AM. Got to the office and started doing some work. There was one point where I decided, during my break, to create an account on my laptop using my Gmail, instead of using the Microsoft account, which I never use. When I created the new account w/ my Gmail, the one I was using deleted, including all of the files that I had, all 2 folders, 599 files. I was extremely upset that that had happened because I was working on my personal statements for my transfer apps. I was stressing for a good 15-20 minutes. At that point, I was just going to leave work and go home or something. At that point, I sort of gave up on everything. As dramatic as that sounded, I had all of the files backed up on my external hard-drive; it’s just that I haven’t backed them up recently, so they’re not up-to-date. What upset me even more was the fact that my Surface Pro didn't have a recovery point. After opening countless random folders on my C Drive, I came upon the TWO most important folders ever: AAAJLA & Organizing; my School folder was backed up into my external already. 2 Folders. 599 Files. Might sound silly, but those 599 files meant a lot to me. Soon after, Li’i came into the intern room and called me into a meeting about DACA. 

She explained to me why we couldn't bring Diego Rivera Learning Complex into the campaign; we didn't have enough supervisors to overlook the responsibilities at the school. I offered to do it, but I was told I’m doing enough already. Ironically, I feel like I’m not doing enough. I don’t really feel happy anymore. I need to find that spark in my passion again. I feel dull inside. Aside from that, I understood why I couldn't, and shouldn't, take over the responsibilities of DRLC; it’s too much for me to handle, especially with everything I've got on my plate. I've yet to tell them I was elected to be on the eBoard of APALA-LA. Although I was reassured that didn't come with many responsibilities. Anyhow, we have a DACA “train the trainer” workshop/training on Saturday. This is the second one; I missed the first one for WCAPSU. In the email that Li’i sent out to prep staff & intern for Sat’s workshop, she listed me under the people who can take the weekend off. I feel bad that I didn't make the first workshop. Missing this one will mean that I didn't attend any “train the trainer” workshop, and I won’t really know what to do/say when presenting about DACA/DAPA/AB60. I offered to help if needed for Saturday. I was, once again, told to stay home. Self-Care. I was also told I needed to cut down my hours at the office. For Feb, I worked 86.5 hours. I was told I needed a break. Ironically, I haven’t been going to work lately. Lately, I've been going to Marco’s house to play video games; it helps me relax, unwind, and destress. GTA5 does that for me. 

I don’t know where I’m going with this blog post tonight. I guess what I’m trying to say is: I don’t feel happy. I don’t know why. I feel lonely. I guess I miss having that “special someone” to talk to everyday. Damn, she fucked me over. It’s been about 6 months already. I shouldn't let that ruin me. I shouldn't. ...But, I am... I feel lonely. It sucks. As much as it seems like I have a sense of direction, I don’t feel like I do anymore. I don’t know what I want to do w/ my life. I don’t know where I want to go to school. I don’t know what I want to do once I graduate. I only know my major(s)/minor. At least that’s a start, I suppose. My plan is to go to CSULA for Spring only. Although I’m still working on my applications, I still want to transfer to either Pitzer College or Pomona College. My parents are totally against that idea, though. & I understand why... If that doesn't go through, I want to go to CSUN for Fall. Li’i told me that a lot of people want me there. They want more Asian American student activists. I suppose I fall into that category. I mean, I do know quite a few professors there, somehow, ha. My parents are probably going to be against me going to CSUN, as well. “Too far.” And, it sort of is... 2-3 hours on bus? That’s taking up too much time for me.