there's a lot to be said about how, on the internet, people have gotten very comfortable with 'going up to people', in their inboxes, in their messages, and just saying shit that's like. is that for you to say? to tease? do you have the sort of, simply, social capital built up where you are in a position to genuinely talk with them about it?
but also. is it 'right' to leave someone in a state of pain. is it 'kindness' to leave someone to something you know, you know they've potentially deadened themselves to in part because they're afraid of the way people will turn on them? will, oh, not want them to be seen in public?
there's a way to talk to people about it, to encourage. and there are the jokes we make because what else can we do, but laugh a little about how we do slide into the parodies now and then?
and that. that was a gimmick blog you could have easily blocked and left be. damn. no reflection on how seeking to get the blog deleted would be no different than what a holier-than-thou 'i get mad at the beatitudes and the idea of empathy and the idea that anyone is happy existing in a space outside of what i consider normal' christian would want, huh.
anyway,
p.s. if you are a guy who's ever felt a note of longing about 'being a woman' or doing feminine things, if you've ever dreamt about such and found it beautiful, if the answer to the question 'if there wasn't so much shit about being a woman in many (albeit not all) different societies, would you like to be one/be like one' is yes, congratulations, you want to be a woman more than a good chunk of cis women do. love that you.
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Thinking about how much mizuki parents are gonna embarrass mizuki w being Seen
Get all the classic stuff of them perking and gushing when they finally meet ena about 'oh we've heard so much about you!' and telling embarrassing stories and mizuki's just 'oh god end me' and enas being Polite™ but also doing the trademark shinonome smirk cause she's sooo gonna tease mizuki about this later
(she is also warmed by it ofc)
And them smiling fondly when some of the typical mzen banter happens before them and they can See. how much mizuki adores ena and feels truly comfy w her
Aside from the food for my mizuena heart, I do love how true to life the story is with like. Yea actually. Trans/queer folk are cis folk's best allies in saying idgaf if people think something doesn't suit me, or if it's at odds with what's expected of me, this is what I like, this is a piece of me that's as true as the rest. and that's important! To be able to support and refine so people can understand, oh, this is simply just another facet of who someone is, that i'm just seeing now
art friends were doing a yearly recap so! a form of it for writing.
...
January: holding all your heart and its whispers. Real fun just playing around in the fragmentary sekai space. and making it adorable w/ baby Mizuki and how good Ena is with kids.
February: addressing slips. Shizuai week participation! I love the occasions Shizuku's being firm with Airi.
March: y un himno llena el mundo: Katvira gift for wish! Was a toss-up between this and Hoarding, but I was quite proud of how I wrote the, come-down after MSQ.
April: σκιά for Emot :3. Seeing people realise the foreshadowing was. Mwah. I came what I set out to do, and that was shatter some hearts with inevitability <3.
May: bled together. Exercise for me to feel out vampire and noble Shizumafu.... was fun to play with the prose as a focus for a piece.
June: all the world, to the same stage. What ifs and Arisa and Shizuku. A real fun space to play.
July: present presence. A Mafuena piece inspired by the second World Link for Niigo... I do wish the cards from said events dealt more with the comedown afterward, though I understand it'd be big spoiler for the actual event and due to the nature of them, they'd probably want to avoid that. My favourite Mafuena, I think, is when Mafuyu isn't aggravating Ena but seeking a bit of comfort from her.
August: echoing sentiment. Mizuena week! Intergroup interactions! Confessions! Demi Ena as determined by Ye Councile of AO3 Commenters! Giving Akito the Horrors by making him think about 'who is my sister most likely to kiss?'
Just a fun fic all around. And an idea I'd been wanting to work for awhile, the 'how' of romantic interaction for Mizuena. I was very pleased with this one.
September: afterimage. A Saria and Kirsten request among all the dominant players this year, because I did love the image the song gave me.
October: spark and ignite. New Year's goal achieved of writing more mature stuff! Felt good to break that ground.
November: sunshowers and ghostlights. Fox Mizuki :3 Adult Mizuena. And I do love intertwined real world stuff in. Being able to touch on, differing perspective, desire, reality and want... felt real good here.
December: lo escuchamos. Prequel/Sequel to the other Katvira due to request by a crewmate. Harder than the other, but once I found the 'heart' to operate around, it became a little easier. There is technically another that could qualify but. It will be the opener for next year, methinks :3c
...
I do also want to say... thank you to everyone who commented on a fic this year, or bookmarked with some nice words. It's! Been a difficult year for me personally, especially during/after the summer--especial thanks for those who know about the stuff during that time and were kind to my needs and brain then--and while I am someone who is like. I have a core of confidence in my writing, and also if I Don't write something for a while, I do start feeling it.
But I have been feeling the, lack of hearing back from folk, especially with needing to lock my fics for my own sanity's sake, and make it harder for bots but also actual readers to find, and it really has been the ability to go through my AO3 inbox and read even the shortest comments that have helped remind my brain, yes, this touched someone, yes, this mattered. Some of the most meaningful people in my life, I've gotten to know through my writing, so. I hope my writing does stay in your heart. Even if only a line, a fragment, that sticks to you and reminds you, this was a gift for me, too.
To another year folks. May we continue to breathe life into art.
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Thoughts on Mafuyu, Honami, Shizuku, (and Kohane I think?) meeting up together? I know it was teased a while back and I’ve been meaning to ask for your thoughts about it but kept forgetting 😅 is there anything you hope for with these interactions?
i assume this is about the vr mixed with ichika, kohane, emu, and maf? in which case, 1) i loved there being yet another person added to the circle maf can be like 'wait i don't have to be the Perfect Person' around, and 2) the specifics of kohane and maf's interactions. the whole thing of, maf ending up on the vr trip because she stepped aside to let others go on a trip together, but then kohane stopping her from doing similar because the thing that would make her happiest is not just a win in the vr game, but something that allows her to keep going forward with mafuyu... it was good, v good. and it was needed.
i think. for mafuyu, it is very hard for her to detach happiness from sacrifice. specifically her own self-sacrifice. which is v much 'duh' but needs saying within the context of her and kohane's relationship because for someone like mafuyu, it's something new that someone who has no idea of her pain, someone who doesn't have a sense of mafuyu's struggle the way honami, emu, and shizuku have it... still, is someone who looks back when mafuyu is trying to push them forward (without her beside) and ask, but what about you?
all of niigo knows of course. shizuku's known something of it since draw your bow, emu has known forever and to mafuyu is fascinating because she acts differently. honami got brought in by being so close to kanade. but kohane? kohane through, not knowledge of Maf, but simply, the ability to see that Maf doesn't voice a want for herself, that she always thinks of others first, or at least, what she thinks others want first. it doesn't occur to her until the talk with Luka that others who don't know might wish something more on her behalf.
it was good, it was cute, and it did get me thinking again about maf being around vivid street more. i want maf to have some solid bonds w the junior himemiya kids by the time graduation rolls around.
screaming because mafuyu looks so scared in her card and there's no light in her eyes once again.
howling because the colour-wheel ranging books scattered around ena that she seems to have drawn in, over, are reference books, study guides by the look of their contents.
screaming and howling because of how protectively kanade is holding the container with the live purple butterfly in it, when around her are flowers and insects pressed and arranged for display, ornamentation (and dead of course, dead for this display)—
