Sep 10, 2019
ngl spinel makes me nervous because it reminds me a lot of my relationship with my mom and her ending of falling in with the smothering diamonds looking for a replacement pink/steven is uh
not fun for me
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ngl spinel makes me nervous because it reminds me a lot of my relationship with my mom and her ending of falling in with the smothering diamonds looking for a replacement pink/steven is uh
not fun for me
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pats myself quietly on the chest
i know things have been awful for us lately, but consider: while the chance that they both hate us is nonzero, the likelihood is still under 40%, and statistically unlikely
itll be okay, probably
we can stop replaying interactions over and over, trying to figure out what we couldve done differently, and we can relax
its bedtime, bitch. get tucked and calm down. the sun will come back tomorrow and weβll figure it out
its statistically unlikely. weβre safe. im safe.
bops myself in the face with a hammer: shut up, stop lying to us
people still love us as much as they did before. theres been no change, probably
youre trying to make us hurt worse and im callin you on it
just because things are quiet doesnt mean youve suddenly dropped in esteem
i wish my family didnt use silence as a punishment, it fucks me up when im trying to love my friends while busy and it suddenly looks like nobody in the world wants anything to do with me
there there you stupid bastard. things are fine and we need to chill out
my whole family is going out and doing things and im stuck at home alone, with the dogs, and i feel real garbo, and i dont know how to distract myself, cause my laptop is getting fixed
and im not good at anything! i do everything wrong!!! everything!!!!
i wanna die lmao
lmao, what if nobody likes me anymore
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i stopped feeling good
i wanna like things and be good at things and not be a trash can of a person, and be genuinely happy and not feel like im festering around any one issue
but i dont get nice things, and the nice ones i do get are subject to ridicule, so i dont really like anything
my mom is mean and nobody else cares. its better if i dont like things, cause that way i never get hurt
i cant even keep the blankets i make cause my mom thinks i have too many. it doesnt matter if stuff makes me happy, i indulge too much and dont put enough work in and i kinda just wanna die a little
everything aches
i should definitely be paying more attention to whats in front of my face, but also:
im tired, the world is big and empty, and i think my friends are mad at me, even though that doesnt make sense
i wish i was still asleep. im not gonna manage to do anything worthwhile today and i dont want to make anyone upset because i feel like laying down someplace warm but dangerous
i am kind of hard to be around, my family says so, and i think maybe this would be too hard to be around
i need to call my doctor but i dont care and i cant care and theyre closed untill tuesday anyway
so. idk. ill figure out something to do with my time today. something will happen