#wanting2

Part 2

You take in a deep breath, and muster up the courage to stand up, walking away from the dirty bench

away from the men who had just started a fight 

away from the stupid men who had woken you up.

You convince yourself they did you a favor, 

but you know you would have given anything to stay a little longer in that dream of yours 

... that stupid dream of yours. 

You step in the bus, wishing there was a seat for you.

It seems you’ve come to terms with disappointment

You figure, maybe its better this way.

Convincing yourself otherwise is too tiring and has become repetitive, so you let it be, and pray for the bus to soon arrive at your stop. 

So you saw him again huh?

Your friends judgmental tone made you raise your eyes away from your canteen food. 

Ever since you had stopped seeing Jaehyun she had labelled him as the “local asshole who deserves nothing but to eat horse shit” or something of the sort 

You explain to her the coincidence of the meeting,

a very awkward situation in which you would prefer not finding yourself in anytime soon 

She lets it go, 

thank god,

and goes on about a new type of chocolate cake recipe she’s sold to our uni-bakery

You tell her you’re excited to try it, and that you should definitely meet soon again to relish its deliciousness together

She seems pleased with your comments and gives you a quick hug before leaving you alone to your food. 

You sigh to the sight of your unfinished plate

bite your lip out of habit 

gather all your hair to tie it in a messy ponytail 

and finally decide to leave the almost empty canteen.

Staying for too long in this place has become a bad habit, but you had nothing better to do during lunch break, so reading or pondering on life had become just as good as any pass-time. 

Just as you were preparing to leave, the chair beside yours moves

slowly someone’s pulling it

scraping it,

and you don’t dare look up to see who it is. 

Jaehyun sits down on the chair beside yours. 

????

You look up

stare intensely in his eyes,

defiantly.

You wanted him to know you could stand your ground     

...even though his mere presence was already making your legs weak

wth, he shouldn’t be in control of you this way. 

Fuck him you thought, just to make you believe you weren’t in complete admiration of his whole being. 

He fiddles around with his fingers

takes a deep breath

looks up to meet your gaze 

and asks Hi...How have you been?

shitty you think 

Pretty well you answer, a smile playing on your lips

you then realize you’re smiling and stop immediately  

I was uhmm, I mean after yesterday I thought...

He was mumbling now, looking pretty awkward 

You thought he looked pretty cute though

...

wait what?

The point is I came to think of you and thought maybe you’d want to hang out with me one of these days?

you really didn’t mean to gape 

but you did

making you look like a hesitating turtle, opening and closing your mouth dumbly. 

You smile, because you know all you really want to be doing is spending time with him

you can’t resist