#waltmemeevent

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Kate blinked. A part of her was debating whether or not to turn it into a joke, whilst another leant more towards being honest. Joking would be so much easier. Instead, she'd exhale quietly and leant back in her chair. "I think everybody expects the answer to be something big. Some mission. Some catastrophic mistake. One moment where everything went wrong and I could point at it and say there. That's the thing I'd change." Her brown eyes flickered down to her hands before a mischievous grin spread over her lips. She was simply over being vulnerable.

"It's actually more easy: I'd go back and stop myself from dating, like... half the people I've dated." Kate crossed her arms as if the action, itself, was an emphasis on her words. "Actually, no. More than half. Let's be honest." There was a thoughtful pause that followed before she picked up her thoughts again, "You know when you're in the middle of something and all your friends are giving you that look? The look that's basically a silent intervention? And you're like, 'No, no, it's fine. I have this under control.'" She took the opportunity to point at herself. "I never have it under control."

A sigh left her small frame. "There are definitely a few exes I'd like to meet in a dark alley armed with nothing but hindsight and a PowerPoint presentation." Not because she regretted caring about them. The raven-haired woman rarely regretted caring. She regretted ignoring obvious warning signs.

"I think if future-me could travel back in time, she'd spend ninety percent of it yelling, 'Kate, that is a red flag. That is not a quirky personality trait.' The other ten percent would be spent preventing me from buying things I couldn't afford."

"Honestly, most of my biggest mistakes happened because I thought, 'What's the worst that could happen?'" A laugh followed as she shook her head at herself. "The answer was always significantly worse than whatever I'd imagined."

She went eerily still; every muscle short-circuiting on a level she fully couldn't comprehend in the moment. Still, she managed a tiny smirk. "Wow. We went from small talk straight into the psychological boss battle, huh?" The joke a form of armor she almost always wears. Though, this time she didn't necessarily change the subject.

The raven-haired woman sighed before glancing away. "The darkest thought I've ever had? Probably some version of 'If I disappeared, would anybody actually notice before they needed something from me?'" There was a small shrug as she ran a hand through her hair. This was weird talking about, aloud. "Not because I think it's true. Rationally, I know it isn't. But dark thoughts aren't exactly known for being rational."

In truth, Kate's relationship with loss, grief, and responsibility would be a huge part of where that comes from. Losing people, feeling like she constantly has to prove herself, being surrounded by heroes she compares herself to... those things leave marks. Marks she never paid full attention to, except in this point in time. "I think it comes from spending a lot of time feeling replaceable. Like no matter what you accomplish, there's always somebody stronger, smarter, faster, or more important standing next to you." It was then that she offered a crooked smile, like it all was obvious. "Occupational hazard..." when half your social circle includes gods, super soldiers, and people who can literally fly.

"As for acting on it: No." It was immediate yet firm. Her head slowly nodding as if she had to sit in it longer to truly believe it. "Dark thoughts and wanting to act on them aren't necessarily the same thing." She began tapping her fingers against the table's surface, getting lost in thought just long enough that her inside voice had to be heard on the outside. "I've definitely fantasized about quitting, though. Running away. Getting in a car, turning off my phone, and disappearing somewhere nobody expects me to be for a while." The next admission was due to cause-and-effect; riding out the wave of momentum from already opening a healing wound. It was quiet, barely audible, "Sometimes when things get heavy, the fantasy isn't I want to die. It's I want everything to stop demanding things from me for five minutes."

The silence that followed was deafening. Enough so, that it cut her to her core. Before she drowned under internal screams, Kate inevitably ruined the vulnerability with humor. "And then I usually eat terrible takeout, get three hours of sleep, and convince myself I've achieved emotional growth." Another shrug plagued her shoulders, a smile redrawing on her lips. "It's not a perfect system, but it's got a surprisingly high success rate."

SO GLAD THIS WAS ASKED, she’d be doing THIS 💜

I think the interesting thing about Kate is that her answer wouldn't be more? She already lives her life as someone who routinely attempts things she has no business succeeding at. She fights alongside gods, super soldiers, and people with powers despite having none herself. If anything, part of her identity is being willing to fail and trying anyway. So, like, if she knew she couldn't fail, I don't think she'd suddenly become more ambitious. I think she'd become more honest. I hope I’m making sense - walk with me, walk with me on this.

So, Kate spends like a lot of time carrying responsibility, proving herself, and making sure everyone else is okay. The things she wants most are often the things she gives herself the least permission to pursue. She'll throw herself into danger without hesitation, but emotional vulnerability is a completely different story. If failure was impossible, I think she'd finally say the things she keeps to herself. Like, she'd tell people what they mean to her, she'd stop pretending she doesn't care when she does, she’d allow herself to want things without immediately calculating the risk of losing them. Because at that point, the failure of losing them isn’t an option anymore.

On a larger scale though, she'd absolutely aim higher. She'd take on impossible missions, challenge systems she thinks are broken, and try to leave the world better than she found it. But the truth is that Kate already does those things. And, like, it stresses everyone out who’s close to her.

Ohhhhhh yeah, but not in a simply tragic way, and not in a way Kate herself would ever fully admit…. I don’t think….

I think she grew up unevenly rather than purely too fast. Growing up, Kate had access to safety, privilege and structure, but emotionally she “grew up” in specific moments where she was forced to become self-reliant. It wasn’t one clean break from childhood, honestly, it was a series of realizations that she couldn’t always depend on the systems or people around her to act the way she expected them to.

What defines Kate is that she didn’t lose her childhood so much as she started rejecting passivity early. She’s someone who saw injustice, vulnerability, or failure in adults and institutions and responded by deciding she could do it better herself. That creates a kind of premature emotional responsibility that she put on herself; not because she was abandoned, but because she noticed too much, too early and felt compelled to act on it. So, like, in that sense, yes. Cause she grew up fast where it mattered most. Not in her circumstances, but in her sense of agency.

BUT, BUT, BUT… I don’t think that makes her hardened in the traditional sense. Kate doesn’t come across as someone who has skipped any emotional development. Like, she reads as someone who compartmentalizes. She still has humor, impulsivity, competitiveness, and even playfulness that feels very alive and youthful. The difference is that underneath those traits is a deeply developed awareness of consequence and responsibility. If anything, her tension comes from balancing those two sides. Cause there’s the part of her that wants to stay light, sharp, and free, and the part of her that already understands what it means to carry weight.

- what your muse’s name is in mine’s phone

- what your muse’s picture is in mine’s phone

- what your muse’s ringtone is in mine’s phone

- my muse’s last text to your muse

For Rapidash:

what your muse’s name is in mine’s phone: Dash

what your muse’s picture is in mine’s phone: hazard emoji with a red background (she needs SOMETHING to indicate who people are that are calling or messaging her cause she runs on autopilot)

what your muse’s ringtone is in mine’s phone: default ringtone

my muse’s last text to your muse: I still think we should race at least once

For Ariel 🥰:

what your muse’s name is in mine’s phone: Grotto Queen

what your muse’s picture is in mine’s phone: this one (Kate’s the master of “why did you take that?”)

what your muse’s ringtone is in mine’s phone: default ringtone (she’s annoying and operates on other people being like “Kate! Your phone!” Cause she tunes out the ringer whenever it goes off)