#waldsen

- serena suffers from withdrawal even into early seasons.

not necessarily physical symptoms but her first instinct when she’s stressed or upset is to turn to drugs or alcohol.

1x03 when blair “exposed her” for her addiction and she had to speak about it in front of everyone was the closest she had gotten to relapsing since getting back to new york. she didnt go out to the met steps to think, she went to stay clean

- nate can’t look into mirrors really for months after everything with catherine. he hates seeing himself without a shirt on especially. he ends up covering his bathroom mirror for a while cause seeing himself without clothes on when he get out of the shower makes him physically ill

- serena, bless her heart, would (pre-willy vd comeback and lily fake cancer scam) defend her dad to ANYONE who even insinuated he was a bad father (which he was).

(side note: this is literally just canon but idc i wanna remind the public)

- blair hates how lily treats serena and eric. she hates the way she discredits them, and disrespects them, and abandons them. but she wishes so much that she were serena’s position sometimes.

because lily has breakfast with her kids and tries to be good to chuck sometimes (even though god knows his ass does NOT deserve it) and she tries to protect them even though it hurts them more than anything and she’s there at home with her kids and that’s more than eleanor waldorf can say

- nate (my little angel boy) would defend serena and blair with his LIFE when they were little kids. he was AT the sleepovers and he was the knight when they played princesses.

he was maybe 10 when another boy in their year started telling other guys he had sleepovers with girls and played princesses with them instead of playing football or baseball or things that normal boys did.

nate started playing with chuck more than blair and serena more after that

- blair doesn’t know why serena would wake uo sometimes after she came back to just cry in her arms at night. she doesn’t ask, she just holds her til they both fall asleep

seeeeeee??? I did a little more digging on this post bc the evidence was blurry

so who might my delusional ass think gave her this hickey?

Tw: alcohol, addiction, noncon, ed and drugs mention but its all mostly already canon. (hey, it's Gossip Girl).

Trans headcanons and gay headcanons. Long post.

So this is for @doubleohtripleseven, hope you enjoy it! :)

Blair doesn’t really know exactly when all of this started. She never thought about any of it. One day, it just came rushing through her, all the feelings she has felt for many years. She remembered the first time she felt her stomach fluttered, butterflies flying around inside her stomach. People said that when she felt this, she had found her Prince Charming. Blair agreed with them, only that she had not found her Prince Charming, instead it is Princess.

               Serena had dated a lot of guys, but none of them is really precious or important in her life. She never felt any excitement or happiness dating these guys. She went to a lot of parties, flirt with many guys, but she does not feel any thing. At the end of the day, she always knew that her one true love is not these guys she dated or she met in bars. Serena does not need to search for her true love, because she is always there, beside Serena every time she got drunk.

               Blair always thought that she will find her Prince Charming riding a white horse, saving her. She thought that Nate was her Prince Charming; sure Nate is the perfect Prince Charming any princess could have ever hoped for. However, not for Blair, she realized that her Prince Charming is not Nate as she flashes back to when she was 10.

               “Little Blair was reading the story of Sleeping Beauty, she was just reading the part where the Prince kissed Aurora to wake her up from her eternal sleep. And the kiss worked! Blair can’t believe that a kiss could really made Aurora woke up. Unsatisfied with the conclusion of the story, Blair went to Serena. Serena was coloring, laying down on the floor, as Blair called her. “Serena! You need to read the story of Sleeping Beauty! The ending is so corny! I don’t want to read it again!” Blair pouted as she grumbled to Serena. Serena looked up at Blair and said, “I have read it Blair. I think the ending is good, because it shows that if you love someone with all of your heart and you kiss them, you will bring happiness and life for them.” then Serena continued at her coloring. Blair pulled Serena’s hand, “No it does not that work! How can a kiss be so magical? And I will not experience this, Nate will not do it, he said that kissing is for adult!” Blair keeps grumbling. Suddenly Serena cupped Blair’s cheek with her hands and pull Blair close into a kiss. “There,” Serena said, “who said that Nate is the one who should do it? I love you just as much.” Little Serena grinned and went back to her coloring.”

               In that moment, Blair realized that who she wants all this time is Serena, not Nate, not Chuck. She never forgets the moment where Serena pulls her close and kissed her innocently. For Serena, maybe it was nothing. It was a long time ago, how could Serena remembered it? She had kissed so many other guys; Blair even can’t count it with her fingers. And maybe that time Serena thought that kissing is and ordinary gestures you do to best friends you love.

               Serena remembered her first jealousy, leading to her heartbreak. When she was 14, she remembered it clearly like it was just yesterday. It was Blair’s 15th birthday party, Serena had use her best dress and bought the perfect gift for Blair. She planned to give it on midnight, when every one else will be gone and just the two of them left.

11:58 p.m.

Serena walked up to Blair’s room. When she was just about to open it, she heard Blair talking, with Nate. Serena decided to see what they were doing, what she saw next surprised her. Nate was kneeling on one knee as he held a ring in front of Blair. “Blair, I know that we are still young. But I knew it from the first time that you are the one for me. Will you be my girlfriend? My mom told me to give you this ring to show my loyalty to you, please keep this ring until the day we are married.” Nate asked Blair wholeheartedly. In that moment, Blair’s expression was obscure, but then she smiled, then said, “Of course I will be your girl friend Nate, I like you.” Then Nate stood up, and pulled Blair into a kiss. What Serena felt when she was staring at them crushed her to her bone. She felt that she was trapped and the air was suffocating her. Her chest felt so heavy, and she thought she was having panic attack. On the other side she felt that something was taken from her, she was so angry and so desperate but she did not know what was lost. So Serena decided to go home and stay at her room. In her head she was replaying that scene over and over again, suddenly she felt her cheek was hot, her tears had flow through her cheek endlessly. After some times, Serena realized, what she felt was not panic attack, it was jealousy, and broken heart.

Blair had wanted to kiss Serena every time that Serena was drunk. But she always holds back because she knew that Serena was drunk and it was not really right to kiss her. What Blair wants is true love and sincere kiss build up from feelings. So what Blair would do is only holding Serena until they both fell asleep.

Serena was drunk – nope, she was half-drunk, without her realizing it; she was taking a cab to Blair’s house. When she arrives, she saw Blair, in her lingerie only getting ready to bed. Blair’s smell was driving her crazy. Serena directly came to Blair and hugged her from the back, feeling the warmth of Blair’s body radiates throughout her body. Then she started kissing Blair’s neck, Blair was surprised and when she turned back, Serena decided to kiss her on the lips. Her lips touch with Blair’s, Serena had wanted to taste it since God knows when. Suddenly, Blair pushed her away and told Serena to go back home because she was drunk. Surprised by Blair’s response, Serena decided to leave Blair and she went back to her house feeling broken. She knew that it was a mistake, kissing Blair, she knew that it would ruined her friendship, but alcohol had gotten her braver and all the scenes she saw in her mind, about how Nate and Blair together, made her sick, so she fought for Blair. Serena hoped that Blair will forget everything and they would be back to normal.

Blair was really shocked. Serena kissed her. Yes, kissed her on the lips, not kiss on the cheek or forehead. What she felt was really spectacular, it was so much better than kissing with Nate or other guys she had dated. It felt like the first kiss she had, but oppositely it felt that she knew those lips for a long time. Blair was speechless, but she was still in her right mind. She knew that Serena was drunk and it was impossible for Serena to kiss her if Serena was sober. And if she decided to kiss back, everything will be ruined. Her friendship with Serena, her self-control to Serena, her forced feelings to Nate, it would all be a waste. So Blair do the right thing, she pushed Serena away. When she saw Serena’s face when she told her to go home, was devastating. Blair almost breaks down looking at Serena’s face, it was hurt and sadness she saw. But Blair might be hallucinating, so she tried to forget about it and hoping Serena would also forget.

Serena knew that it was a mistake kissing Blair. So she decided to throw her feelings away and started to date Dan again. Everything with Dan is just so easy and comfortable, but what she feels for Dan is only friendship, nothing more than that. But she just forced herself to have feelings for Dan. One night she went together with Dan to Blair’s party, it seems that Blair has forgotten about the kiss so Serena acted normally. Then Serena started making out with Dan near the bar, then Serena saw Blair. Blair’s face was hurt and it automatically pierced Serena’s heart seeing Blair like that. Serena decided to stop Dan and make her way to Blair.

There she was, seeing Serena making out with Dan. Blair knows that Serena was completely drunk when she kissed her. A part of Blair was relieved, but most part of her feels broken and hurt. She’s in the verge of breaking down so she decided to go to her room. She felt that someone was calling her name and following her but she does not care and maybe she was just imagining things. Blair was surging through the waves of people, finding her way to her room when a hand grasps her, it was Chuck. Blair lets go and she tells Chuck that she was not feeling well and just go as she said those words. She entered her room and sits down on her bed, her feelings mixing up and she don’t know what to feel, as she just walked to close the door, somebody holds the door.

“For God’s sake Chuck! I swear if you dare to come in, I told you I want to be—“

“It’s me, not Chuck. Can I please come in Blair?”

It was Serena, holding her door, looking at Blair with her beautiful green eyes. And Blair is too surprised to answer she just let Serena come in. Serena then closes the door.

“Blair, what’s wrong with you?” Serena asks Blair, holding her hand.

“None of your business, S.” Blair snapped at Serena and turns her back against Serena.

“Why do you have to snap at me like that? Your business is of course my business Blair.” Serena replied softly as she tried to make Blair turn around.

“You don’t understand! And why the hell you must come here?!” Blair shouted at Serena.

“What is really wrong with you? You never snapped at me like this, what’s my fault B? Or is this about Chuck? I saw you just before feeling hurt. I care about you B, don’t shut me out like this.” Serena still replied calmly.

“Don’t try to care S! I hate it! Why don’t you just go back to Dan and starts making out all over the place again?!” Blair answered bitterly.

“Oh, so this is what it is about. Now you are jealous of me making out with Dan? All this time so you like him? And now you’re trying to take him away from me?” Serena’s tone started to escalate.

“It’s not about him! Gosh you didn’t realize it until this day? Funny how you think that I get jealous of your boyfriends all the time. It is not about them.” Blair replied sarcastically.

“Wh-what do you mean?” Serena’s voice started to shake.

“Don’t you dare to act like you don’t know anything S. Oh, but I guess you don’t know that all this time I have these uncontrollable feelings for you. And every time you came to me drunk you always tried to kiss me? Well, how do I hold back? Don’t play with my feelings!” Blair shouted at Serena’s face.

Serena was frozen, she just stare at Blair.

“ I know that this is maybe nothing for you S, and maybe now you feel disgusted with me but—“

Blair’s words are stopped by Serena’s lips. That kiss felt passionate, sweet and exciting. Blair still does not believe it completely so she decided to break the kiss.

“What’s wrong Blair? You don’t like it?” Serena asked Blair and Blair saw that she almost cried.

“Is that real?” Blair was too surprised to believe it.

“It is the realest things I’ve ever felt Blair. You never know did you? All this time, what I kept inside. What I had to do to push my feelings away. The thing is Blair; I can never stop loving you. You never know that my heart breaks into pieces when you decided to date Nate. Then you were with Chuck. So I decided to date Dan, hoping that I would just forget about you. But I can’t Blair; you are my one and only love. Sober or drunk, it is and will be always you. I love you Blair.” Serena spoke those words softly, while holding Blair’s hand.

Blair bursts to tears; she just can’t believe it and she started to crush her mouth against Serena’s. Feeling ecstatic, hearing that Serena loved her all her life. Blair was just too speechless to respond anything but a kiss.

“Please B, say something.” Serena said after they ended kissing because Blair had not responded anything.

“Not bad for our first sober kiss though.” Blair said as a smile covered her face.

“You know what B, it was not our first one, remember last time I kissed you then you told me to go home because you thought I was drunk?  The truth is that I was not drunk that time, and I thought you hate me for kissing you so I just decided to forget it.” Serena said as she hugged Blair and started leaving kisses at Blair’s neck.

Blair laughed and said, “Oops but you’ve got that wrong, the first time ever you kissed me was when we were 10, that Sleeping Beauty story, remember?”, as she turned her face to see Serena’s face.

Serena’s face then turned red then she answered “ I thought you don’t remember…”

“I remembered every flashbacks and detail of you since we were together, S.” Blair replied as she pulled Serena into a kiss.