#waking;

Pt. 3: Finale.

He’s shaking, so much so that it seems as though he’s surrendered himself to a focal earthquake. The ferret like bot on his shoulder working to try to calm him down, to try to keep him from doing anything brash, but when he stops? Bambi’s rather confused. Because it was quick, sudden, like he had witnessed something shocking. Looking up through stinging eyes, he blinked away a few more tears to clear his blurred vision and then they widened like saucers. Vivid, near neon, green orbs stared back at him with a vibrant sadness that tore straight through his heart.

But it was the words coupled with the sorrowful and frighteningly apologetic smile that truly drove the pain into the chambers of the organ. “I’m sorry I took so long.. Forgive me?” How could he not? The sheer force he pulled himself up in was enough to knock Alphie from his shoulder, though the bot landed on his feet and scurried around to press buttons and release the wires and tubs in Seb’s frame. Robotic arms moved to close the hatches that had been opened in the rabbit’s frame as well as to hold him up as the fluid in the cylinder began to drain. But that wasn’t fast enough for Bambi.

No, he quickly jerked the lever down to drop the cylinder. Not caring about the mess of the gelatinous fluid that caked his legs and the floor, he bolted forward and snatched up his teacher with a tight hold. The utter relief he felt, the happiness that washed over him, it was overwhelming as he held the smaller being against him. Without a majority of his limbs, Seb was like a small doll. Held without problems as Bambi nestled his face into the crook of the other’s neck. “Don’t you ever scare me like that again. Don’t you ever fucking do it.” He practically cried the words out as he shakily clung to Seb.

Who had no qualms with it, not right now anyways. Normally he would reprimand his friend for making such a mess and for snatching him up like this. But right now? He didn’t have the heart to do so. He simply wrapped his only arm around the larger male, using his three fingers to gently pet those blond locks. Even though the tears continued to prick his eyes, he just let Bambi do as he pleased and refused to make a sound until he was done speaking. “Sorry. I was just tired. I promise not to take so long again, Bambi.”

Even when he said that, Bambi would understand what he meant. It was code for a certain thing. In translation, it turned into: I didn’t have the willpower nor want to come back, but I promise I wont give up again. Seb simply stayed where he was, letting the other coddle him as he threaded his fingers through the pale locks and sighed softly. Truly, he was still tired, but at least he wasn’t on the brink anymore. “Alphie, can you get my temporary prosthetics?” He quietly asked, offering an exhausted smile to the animal robot before Alphie scurried off to do as asked.

Bambi, catching the drift that he’d have to put Seb down soon, was quick to pepper his face, neck, and shoulder in a slew of kisses. To which the rabbit was used to. It happened when ever Bambi was super emotional himself. Though he thought nothing of it in any romantic sense, he was all for platonic kisses. He quietly pressed one to the other’s temple and straightened up as much as he could. “Put me down now you dumb deer. I’m not your stuffed teddy, y’know.” He taunted, smiling as he did, in attempts to lighten the mood a little.

Doing as he was told, the taller put the rabbit down in the chair and carefully sat him up so he wouldn’t topple over. It was seeing Sebastian without his robotic prosthetics that truly made Bambi understand how far he’s adapted to be mobile. Especially considering he couldn’t even properly hold a pencil without having to adapt to a certain way to do so. Looking away, Bambi rubbed his eyes with his hand and grumbled to himself. “Stupid Thumper. Look at what you’ve gone and done, makin’ me cry and shit. Not cool, man. Not cool.” He huffed, helping Alphie when the small animal came skittering in, balancing a stack of prosthetics in his tiny arms.

Pt.2

It’s like wading in darkness. There’s no light, there’s nothing. The vast void of shadows carries his weight and he feels nothing. His mind is blank for the most part, a dull pain in his chest being the only feeling he has. He doesn’t even open his eyes in his own mind. It’s nothing personal, he’s just tired, right? That’s what he’s always said. That he was just tired. It was shattering, everything that happened. He couldn’t handle it let alone process it. The mere images of Tyler appearing in the room as his true self was enough to twist the rabbit’s features into a pained expression.

He had put his utmost faith and trust in his late husband, and it had gotten him this agonizing pain in his chest. The pain continued to grow and grow as he floated in the abyss, taking slow and deep breaths as he tried to forget. Just forget it ever happened. The words crossed his mind and he let out a long breath. Forgetting seemed to be taking forever though. It felt like he had been in this darkness for years instead of just two days. His eyes slowly opened, finally, and he gathered his thoughts while staring out into the darkness. It hurts. It hurts it hurts it hurts.

Slowly, he began to curl into himself. Just trying to make himself disappear by making himself as small as he possibly could. Maybe he could just vanish like this. To sink into himself and cease to exist, all he wanted to do was forget. He knew the risks of his job, but he never knew any human being could sink as low as Tyler had. It was nauseating, he couldn’t handle it. So he just curled up further, hiding his face in his knees. In the real world though? He was doing the same thing. Curling up into the ghost limbs of his legs and trying to disappear.

Rattling.

He heard something rattling in the far off reaches of his mind. A moment of pause in his low down thoughts as he listened. His eyes opened in his dreamscape but remained closed in the real world as he stared up into the darkness. Who’s that? What are they doing? Don’t they know I want to sleep? He was just so so tired. Get up! Get up get up get up! He furrowed his brows and curled up tighter. No. I don’t want to get up this time. I’m done. Everyone will be fine. There was a lost thought dashing through his mind. His heart was shattered, his confidence shot, and everything he believed in himself was nothing.

I was built up and made by that bastard. I don’t deserve to be around them. They’re better off without a wreck like me. A serious thought he had as more words began to filter through the void. Finally, his dreamscape self uncurled and began to yell back. Don’t you get it!? No one should be worried about me! I’m dead! Just let me be dead! Let me stay that way so there’s no more harm done! I can-- Jade’s trying to act like it’s fine but you’ve told me before that she worries and it’s not hard to see! That asshole Dirk is worried too! Are you going to let them cry and be upset over this even longer?! You’re scaring me! Everything is fine now! You’re okay! So wake up! Wake the fuck up Thumper!

That gathered his attention. His heart sank even further and he just floated there, the shadows slowly beginning to creep over his limbs as he just stared up at the disembodied voice’s direction. They were crying? They’re upset? I don’t want you to be scared, Bambi. Realization hit him, this was Bambi who was yelling and screaming at him. He understood the weight of his sadness now, the weight of everyone’s distress. He remembered how he felt with each person he cared for’s death. How when Jade and Dirk would go missing for long periods of time, he would find himself going a little crazier with sorrow each day due to worrying that they had died.

Was this really acceptable?

You deserve much better than that! Why can’t you ever see that?! His heart sank further into the recesses of its decaying shield. Because I don’t deserve better than that. I never have. I was born deserving mistreatment. I was born with another’s fist in my mouth. Was this truly what he should be doing? He closed his eyes in the reaches of his mind, trying to gather his scrambled thoughts. But they don’t deserve this. Dirk doesn’t deserve to worry, he’s got enough on his plate. Jade doesn’t deserve to worry, she’s too sweet to be put through this. No one does. Wake up, Body. It’s time to get back to work.