OKAY NOT MY GIF!!

ii

i i i-

i just clicked on chasing cars snow patrol, not remembering what it was, just randomly clicking songs in my recommended, and

the emotions

 that just 

rushed through me

i haven’t heard that song in years

i don’t exactly know how to describe it

it’s like, it’s a mixture of the power of remembering the feeling of being a kid listening to the radio again, back when i had no thought beyond it being pretty

paralleled by the power of...understanding it and it’s tone, y’know?

like, i was a spoiled kid.  to be perfectly honest.  i have no trauma or depression or anything to explain why the bitter part of the bittersweet is singin to me right now

other than, just feeling more tired in general.  Just understanding the weight, or appreciating the implications of sadness in music just from the experience of being older.  

Older is better in alot of ways, yes

it’s wiser, and more experienced, and more free 

but even if you don’t have much complaints, it’s still..heavier.  Being older is heavier.  this songs heavy 

the lyrics aren’t even entirely sad, really, just...well, bittersweet.  heck, overall, it’s hopeful. but..  not knowing what to say, not understanding how to express emotions, wanting to be with someone special so bad, wanting to take a break and forget the world. it’s not just the tone that hits harder now, it’s the lyrics. 

bittersweet has always been my favorite genre of music, and genre’s like it.  songs that are really sad, but hopeful for some reason.  songs that are really sad, but sung in an upbeat manner.  songs that address sad and happy things. songs where the lyrics are ambiguous to the point of not knowing if the singer’s more happy or sad, just really philosophical

i’ve never really been a person for sad music, not that their aren’t sad songs i like; it’s just i usually prefer happy, yet prefer bittersweet over both

maybe that’s why i love modern cartoons sm, the light pastels paralleled by horrific events, but not for shock value, but for true philosophical or plot driven emotional beats, and yet despite the darkness, always, always hopeful.  

just like bittersweet songs, not feeling the need to prove themselves or fit themselves into a certain category, to go so dark or immature to prove they’re “mature” an ironic label we’ve given wanton giggling over guns and lewd humor, or to shy away from conflict or pretend unhappy don’t exist either.

pfft, leave it to me to drag cartoons into any thought process i get into XD

o-oh wow. so you mean like? really?? 🥺

well since we’re being honest.. mayhaps i sent you an anon the other day.. and you said to message off anon.. not gonna lie i almost did. like, i wrote the message out and everything but deleted it before sending because i was Nervous.