#vulpinecaptain

This would have been so much better if i had set a schedule, then failed to deliver. Cause cloud says he's a little late...and I would have been a little late...haha...haaaa

Ahem. So after meeting with Colorful NPC Flower Girl, Mister spiky hair gets chased through town by some soldiers (read: cannon fodder). Being the stalwart adventurer i am, i fought them all, but cloud decides it's a good idea to jump over the bridge they were standing on, and on top of a moving train. He's just lucky there were no tunnels.

Well said Barret, i was thinking the same thing.

He goes on to preach about ShinRa being evil, sapping the lifeforce of the Planet and how they are the only one's who can really do anything to stop them.

Cloud doesn't care, (surprise) and the rest of the train ride goes just as smoothly. The gang makes it back to the Sector 7 Slums, which i unfortunately never got any screenshots of. If you've played it, then you remember, and if not, then when you do you'll be in for a mediocre, uneventful set of events (Yes that's an oxymoron. You're also an oxymoron).

Imagine the grodiest restaurant you've been to,  in the shadiest town. Now imagine a big guy with a machine gun for a hand runs in and tells everyone to get out. He doesn't care that your sandwich is now all over your shirt because he scared the fire out of you. He wants you out. 

This is the bar that AVALANCHE runs their operations out of, it's called 7th Heaven, and it is run by Ms. Fan Service. I mean Tifa Lockheart. 

I'll try to get through this, since i know you're only here for the pictures and i'm getting to those. 

Turns out, Tifa is Cloud's childhood friend, Cloud was once in ShinRa as a member of a faction called SOLDIER. Square you're killing me with these names. Cloud is now ex-SOLDIER and works against them, more out of a favor to Tifa, then because of any real motive. He doesn't really seem to think there's a problem, and just wants his money. This consistently drives Barret nuts.

Oh, also Barret has a daughter named Marlene, but i think he stole her. Cause there's something different about her than Barret...i know what it its, she's not nearly as angry, so she can't be his!

After spending the night, and being asked questions that i'm allowed to give weird answers to, (Tifa: How did you sleep? Cloud: Barret's snoring kept me up all night) It's time to blow up another reactor! YAY TERRORISM! This time, Tifa's going with us. Great now there's a girl. Barret i thought this was a no girls allowed party. 

A while later, The train they are riding on goes through an ID checkpoint. Obviously our heroes (terrorists?) will be spotted, so they run through the train, finally hopping out action movie style, landing on the rails. The party of three moving along the track...tunnel...thing until they find a vent! YAY VENTS! Barret makes a fat comment, but other than that, these vents lead to an area quite similar to the last reactor area. Ya know i think Square might have used the same pre-rendered backgrounds...

Ah here we are! Reactor 5!

And here we see the majestic Cloud Strife bowing in reverence to the reactor he's about to touch. "Oh Wheel of PreRendering," he prays, "Allow me to touch you, that we may blow you to bits!"

He touches the wheel. I WARNED you about WHEEL's bro. I TOLD YOU DAWG! 

Well last time we touches the wheel you know what happened, ScorpoTron woke up. Well we weren't having that this time, so it was time to run. Outside on a skybridge linking facilities, AVALANCHE was cornered. Well my party was, because Biggs, Wedge, and Klutzy went back home, the slackers.

Lucky us, though, we were visited by someone important to ShinRa!

He didn't seem impressed by us though. I don't know why, i mean with Cloud's hair defying gravity like that, you'd think he'd at least be astonished! But no, he's all "Who're you? Are you a threat? Nah, i'm just going to leave you be instead of killing you. Gee, i sure hope you don't come back to haunt me!" 

But then he drops a name that sounds quite familiar.

Apparently this Sephiroth guy was a great enough warrior that he's become a household name. 

Mister President dismissed the conversation by asking us to welcome another guest. I sure hope it's Scorpotron!

You aren't Scorpotron. You're just a jerk. Take him out Barret.

Seizure bot went down without too much of a fight, but it was long enough for Pr. Shinra to get away. I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME!

Alright neat so what's my prize for killing Spazbot?

McSpaz blows up, and though Tifa and Barret are safe, that little dot right there in the lovey blue circle, that's what i get for having hair rivaling the sun in color and gravitation.

Oh gosh i had the most horrible dream, i was with fan service, and trigger happy fighting stupid robots and dumb soldiers and blowing up reactors and

AUUUGH IT'S FLOWER GIRL

Huh. I thought i wasn't supposed to see you again. Wait are you a main character? Your clothes aren't bright enough for a main character, where's your basket?  That'll really seal the deal. OH! Do you fight with the basket? is that your weapon?

Ok so after flower girl, who's name is Aeris, helps me up, these fellas walk up wanting a nice game of croquet. Or to kidnap Aeris. I'm not the best with memory. On a split second decision, she asks cloud to be her body guard, to which of course i make him oblige. I mean i have to find out why she's important so she has to live long enough to at least give me a slice of information.

As is true of her character archetype/trope (The Girl) she gets trapped by these hooligans, and i, being resourceful, use barrels in the beams of the church roof to take them out. Fighting is for Square. PUNS.

As her bodyguard, Cloud takes her back to her home, stopping on the way for the Weapons Trailer to hook him up. Ah yes, quality business.

Aeris asks if Cloud can rest there, instead of going back to sector 7 at night. Aeris' mother complies, and after Aeris goes upstairs, she tells Cloud to leave before Aeris knows.

Ok now i HAVE to find out this girl's deal. 

Cloud falls asleep at their house anyway and has a dream about his mommy i think.

I guess that's not weird. So Cloud sneaks out of the house only to find Aeris can teleport, because there's no way she ran passed him. Cloud reluctantly agrees to allow her to go with him and they share a moment at the playground near sector 7.

How nice. Even girls he only met an hour ago are comparing him to their exes.

A chariot driven by a chocobo (YAY CHOCOBOS) pulls through sector 7 with a girl on the back. Cloud recognizes her as Tifa and the two of them follow the ride to Wall Market

This place is the epitome of family fun.

From houses to find girlfriends

To great ominous grafiti!

Aeris and Cloud find out Tifa is being kept in Don Corneo's mansion, and only girls are allowed in. Aeris has a brilliant idea to dress Cloud up like a girl to get them in. So Cloud goes to the lengths of getting a dress, finding a wig, and even went to that lovely "girlfriend" place, the Honeybee Inn, to find out maybe about makeup.

I guess this is where the magic happens.

What kind of sorcery is this?

I can't tell if this is talking to Cloud or me, the player. It kind of creeped me out. And Cloud collapsed and fainted, naturally after seeing his own ghost sitting on air i guess.

I was then treated to a black screen with message boxes.

I think i'll just leave you with that for now. 

After speaking with my first mate, i have decided that three updates per game is quite restrictive, as i would have to cut out certain things i may want to touch on for the sake of brevity. So in order to keep sailing smooth, i have decided that i'll be blogging similarly to a liveblog! Basically, the longer the game, the more posts about it. 

For the first game, i went through a long and arduous process of choosing the game i was actually playing at the time of creating this blog. Without further ado, let me introduce a big fish:

(Cap's note: This version was the newly released Steam version for PC.)

That's right! The best game in the WORLD!!!!11!!1!one!!! One of many great installments in the famed Final Fantasy series.

Obviously VII holds A LOT of special places in a lot of hearts. Like my dad. According to him, this is THE Final Fantasy. He doesn't understand why there's a seven if it's the best. It should be number one. Well you know what dad?

THE GAME IS ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD! Maybe i should cut him some slack. He introduced me to a gaming life anyway. So let's get started. By the time i finally figured out how screenshots work, i was able to nab this one first.

I love games that let you chose the character names. However, i also love keeping the original names, as that is what the creators gave them. Also i'm afraid Barret might get me if i change his name. Look at dat mug. He could gun-arm my face off if i looked at him wrong. Oh did i mention he has an arm gun?

So I take Cloud and Barret to their mission objective:

That right there is a Mako reactor. For the (few) of you who don't know; Mako is the Life Energy of the planet in FFVII. It's drawn out of the planet (which i think is called Planet by the way. Not their most imaginative moment). Then the ShinRa ElectricPower Company processes the stuff and refines it, using it to power their massive metropolis called Midgar. 

That sounds pretty neat! Except there is a group called AVALANCHE (whom Cloud is a temporary member it seems by his "It's not my problem" and "Where's my money" attitude) who believes ShinRa is killing Planet by doing this. So they do what any disgruntled citizens would do.

They file complaints at their local town hall, then wait patiently for the complaint to be processed and sent to their representatives in office. The Reps then voice their complaints at the semi-annual forum, and then they peacefully vote on the issues at hand.

Oh wait no they don't do that.

Instead i guess cloud has a momentary breakdown and suffered from acute voices-in-my-head syndrome. And then he touches the Really Important-Looking Thing.

Someone wasn't happy about that. Scorp-o-tron awakes from his slumber, to challenge all who dare touch the Wheel of Destiny. Or Mako Reactor Control. Or whatever the wheel did. The point is, no he wants to stab and/or laser our faces off.

Normally i like to play games i HAVEN'T before, so that this blog can be a bit more entertaining for everyone, myself included. I was already playing this, so i said "Why not Cap, you have no where to be tomorrow." Except then i realized i worked at Six A.M. the next day. That was fun. 

So yes, i've played this before, but now i'll try and actually log my progress, ya know for that Mid-Playthrough post i just know you can't wait for. Prior knowledge helps a bit though, for you see:

Lazo-o-Stab over there is weak to Cloud's Bolt spell. Being a machine and all. Yes, that is the spell by the way, i wasn't fast enough to get the actual bolt of lighting in the shot. Have you ever caught a lightning bolt? Those suckers are fast! Ha ha! Take that Stabby McShocky! No lasering my face today!

Ok so as you can see from PointyPew's tail, and my sudden drop in health one of three things must have happened:

Cloud ate some bad sushi and has indigestion

Barret didn't like how Cloud's hair defied gravity and decided to shoot him.

Whilst laughing at the Giant Enemy CyberBug, i kept hitting attack when it was in counter attack mode.

Ok so i'm not the most attentive in the world. It's all good. Because YAY RAINBOW LETTERS MEAN LIMIT BREAK TIME!!!

Limit Breaks are a neat feature in the game, that when a character is hit one too many times, they get some rage issues and unleash a super attack.

(Yeah i know about Cloud's HP. Cloud's just a bit stab-happy. Maybe he and LaserBladeBug are meant for each other.)

I would imagine Barret gets to use a lot of limit breaks. Ya know, anger management and all.

That's my secret, Cloud. I'm always at my limit break.

So a shot from Barret's li'l super happy explosion ball and:

Cloud's MEGA-SLASHnSTAB 2000, along with some more bolts, (oh hey look i used a potion!)

And Scorp-o-Tron is down for the count! Way to go team! I forget why we were fighting in the first place! Let's go get some schwarma! 

Ah yes loot time. Sweet sweet XP and loot. Give me all the First Boss Spoils.

._. >_> Seriously, Laser-Poke. You couldn't give me enough for a level up. I will touch your wheel of sadness again, just so i can kill you for that 2p. I hate you.

Sweet! NEEEW WEAPON!! As if Barret needed a newer, more shooty gun. It occurs to me that all the players and enemies so far seem to have anger issues, or itchy trigger fingers. Mostly both. Is this game going to be forty hours of angry battles? OH BOY I SURE HOPE SO!

So after the battle with everyone's favorite Scorpiobot, a time shows up in the corner of my screen showing 10 minutes. Ten minutes? Till what?

Oh wait. Wasn't that a reactor? I heard bad things happen when you touch those. Selected children in a town somewhere will all frown for thirty years or something. I dunno. Let's get out of here.

Just so you know, this battle LITERALLY happened right before my save point. That made me laugh. But i laugh a lot so get used to it. So anyway, good ol' Square heard its fans were tired of silly counters pausing for battles. So it gave us what we wanted. Random encounters that still run the timer. My favorite!

I made short work of them.

I also equipped this bad boy after that battle. Though i guess i should have done that before. This is the Assault gun. It allows Barret to shoot things a little more bad now. They will wish he did not shoot them that bad. Please Barret they'll say use your other gun to shoot us less bad! 

I look at them and whisper: No.

This place is full of climby ladder type dealies and perilous walkways. So leave it to an AVALANCHE crony to get her foot stuck in the pre-rendered background.

Oh Jessie, what would we do without you. In seven minutes or so i guess we would have found out, but ain't nobody got time fo' yo' games gurl let's get to steppin'. That's how i hear Cloud in my head. It's great.

Jessie is a klutz though, because as we're trying to leave:

JESSIE GET UP THIS IS NOT NAP TIME THIS IS GO TIME. NO NOT GO TO SLEEP! GO AWAY FROM THE WEIRD PURPLE TIMER FOLLOWING US!

She's so silly. <3 Jessie. Less than three.

SO hey remember when i was talking about how AVALANCHE should have filed a complaint? Well instead they're here, touching wheels, killing robots, and sleeping on the job. What great citizens they are. Now what was that timer f-

Oh. Right. Well. We can add "'Splodey" to the list of things these characters are. I'll bet that's like...BILLIONS of gil down the drain. Probably put a lot of people out of jobs. Oh my goodness i just helped terrorists. I hope the NSA doesn't hear about this. They might "splode them too though so...it's all good.

But hey! How about this for a beginning of a game! I'm really looking forward to it. I hope you guys are too. Feel free to give me your thoughts and experiences if you've ever played FFVII, and if you haven't, tell me if you'd like to!

In the mean time i think i'll continue this story here. Barret told us all to meet up back at "Tha' Hideout." We all split up, and no i guess Cloud is on the run. Which means time for needless NPC conversations.

Now i can't put my finger on it, but there is something about this girl that says: Hi, i'm a plot-important main character. I think it's her handbasket. 

Ah well, i doubt she'll be all that useful, or relevant, or helpful, or anything at all. She'll probably be one of those forgettable party members, one of the ones who aren't stabby or ready to gut their opponents. Sword Puns. 

Welcome aboard The Leviathan! I know what you're thinking, how could you be aboard a giant mythical water dragon...

You aren't thinking that? Well you should. That's what the Leviathan is.

However that's also the name of my ship! 

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Let's get to the good part. Hello! I'm Captain. You can call me that, or Cap, or Sir, or Cap'n if you must. This is a video game blog. I'm introduced to games, and (for now anyway) i'll give three posts, or updates i guess of my playthrough. One in the beginning, one in the middle, and a wrap up summary and total review at the end. So i'm not quite a Let's Play, but i hope to be a good source of slightly biased* reviews and opinions.

If you have a question, send me a message in a bottle, or you could also submit things to me! the boxes are always open until i see fit to close them. 

If you'd like me to play a game, and review it, send me a bottle! I look forward to it!

*By slightly biased i mean i give you the opinion of a young man on the cusp of maturity, who still has the wonder found in a small boy's heart. I have been gaming for nigh 16 years, And i love every aspect of it. If you came aboard expecting a salty Captain, ready to fire the canons at a game, you best leave before we leave port. I don't aim to sink any game. I'm here to provide some well-meaning, good-natured insight!