#vincesecret

Sometimes the only reason I want to live...

|| 5 Years ago ||

October 26 2012

"I am finally accepted to study at the medical school here and I made a friend who randomly walked up to me and started talking in psych 101. I think her name is Sawyer? She seems nice though, almost like one of those friends you want to keep for life, but seeing that we are opposite sexes it might be a little awkward... I don't want our friendship to something more at the moment... Maybe sometime in the future, but I want to focus on my studies and just have a friend..."

"Nick is still sick and I am gonna find a cure for him even if it kills me, I can't live everyday thinking he might die the next... I love him with everything I have, even when I don't tell him that everyday or everytime I see him. He started Chemo yesterday and I was there to just be moral support for the kid. I saw the tears welling up in his eyes and I almost died right there... How could they hurt my brother like that, how could i just stand by watching them hurting my brother like that... I am the worst brother in the world and now that mom and dad is gone it's even worse. I can't talk to anyone about my feelings... I feel so alone."

"Nate wondering how he's doing in school... I haven't heard from him yet, correction I don't want to hear from him because it's always him in trouble or he hit someone... The other day he smoked something but got in a lot of trouble and I had to save his ass... Bastard... but i love him still too..."

Wait I have finals tomorrow bye Journal until next time...

October 28 2012

"Journal guess what I think it went amazing with the finals, me and Sawyer studied real hard and I used her as my study buddy, I like her a lot she is awesome. She really is like the sister I never had... Wishing I had a sister right now... But Sawyer will do. She seems to understand me for some reason and I feel comfortable talking to her..."

"Nick is still sick, decided not to go today when he got his Chemo, couldn't handle the pain any longer... Dear God why don't you switch our lives, please he doesn't deserve that... Nick is my brother for fuck sake he doesn't deserve this... Not even for a second..."

"Gosh getting all teary suddenly..."

"Yeah as predicted Nate go into trouble, fist fight with a kid... poor kid's face is pretty badly bashed in, but I just picked him up from school and took him home... Tried to lecture him but the kid didn't want to hear a thing... When will he ever grow up?"

"Oh Sawyer is here it's movie night as usual and she brought her favorite movie... I think it's a chick flick again, I hope it's not that other movie with the guy and then he's all gentleman and kissing the girl and stuff like that... Well talk again later..."

October 29 2012

"Holy shit, last night was crazy... Me and Sawyer had so much fun and we had a little too much to drink and we danced to some music and watched the movie she brought... yeah it had the guy kissing the girl and stuff in and she was all cuddling with me and then for some reason we kissed and that felt amazing... WHY would I say that... She's my friend not just another girl, but after that she fell asleep in my arms and I carried her to my bed and covered her with a blanket and kissed her forehead goodnight, taking the couch as my resting spot of course... But I wonder what she would say if I asked her..."

"Didn't visit Nick today though, hangover was a bit too much and I couldn't face him with my half drunken face... I skipped on visiting him..."

"oh... just got a text from Sawyer asking me what happened last night... wow that hurt, she was too drunk to remember anything that happened... At least I still had the memory... I guess she'll never know..."

"Nate... better left unsaid, luckily it's weekend so he won't get into any trouble... I hope"

"Off to bed Journal talk again..."

 October 30 2012

"So Sawyer remembered nothing and I went on like nothing happened... Well I think she is still just gonna be my friend though..."

"Saw Nick today, had a fight with him about mom and dad, and me not being there for him... I'm sorry Nick... And if you ever read this, I will kill because why would you ever read this...? But if you did read this anyway, I honestly still love you... Even if I don't say it all the time..."

"Nate was like a ghost today, just sitting in his room staring out of the window listening to loud music... Great taste in music he has... Metallica is one of my favorites."

"Talk again soon..."

October 31 2012

"Oh my gosh it's Halloween and me and Sawyer went to the meds student dance together, I went as a Vampire hunter and she went as the bride of frankenstein, danced all night and just enjoyed it... i hope we stay friends forever."

"Still didn't visit Nick yet... Can't face his eyes when he could be out Trick or Treating but now he's tied to a bed..."

"Nate, somewhere in a Joker costume with a crazy friend and his mom Trick or Treating together, glad he enjoys this a lot, he's sleeping over there so it'll just be me all alone here..."

"Someone is at the door..."

"That was Sawyer again, she just came over to tell me she enjoyed the night and that we should do it more often... Why would she come in the middle of the night and tell me that, why not just text me or call me?"

"Bye now..."

 December 29 2012

"I can't handle all he joy, pain and feelings and emotions anymore... I graduated and so did Sawyer, but I feel lost around her... We kind of drifted apart in the last two months, I don't know why... Sawyer come back to me... PLEASE!!"

"Nick, he seemed better today, visited him once in a while couldn't all the time studies and so was in the way and I couldn't face him... Gave him a box of chocolates and a portable game console for Christmas though, hopes the poor kid keeps himself busy in the hospital."

"Nate... Almost killed him countless times, he killed the neighbors cat for no reason and the cut off the poor girl accross the street's hair... Why would he act like this... He never ever talks to me... I think he hates me even more... But I got him a remote controlled car to play with to keep him busy, yeah he drove the thing into the pool... Not happy about that at all."