I'm so excited to be skinny. I'm so excited for clothes to slip off me and for my tummy to be flat. My arms and back to be bony. I'm so excited for my face to have sharp angles and for my smile to be pretty. I want to be my own thinspo. I want to take photos in draping clothing or swimsuits. I want to take photos laughing and holding fruit and living a perfect life. I want to not worry about what I look like and if I'll fit into my clothes. I want to be perfect. I can't wait. I will get there.

I got distracted I was becoming beautiful And I lost a month of progress and hard work But I'm back and I'll jump over every obstacle to be thin

5/8/17 exercise log: ~45 min swim 5 min warm up Avg laps were 51! Ranged b/w 55-51/50 With paddles, 49, 53, 50, 52 smthg Aiming to walk 35 min later also My goal is to mostly fast this week. It's grad weekend coming up. I want to feel my best. And make use of my last few days.

5/2/17 exercise log: 45 min elliptical + 5 min warmup + 10+ min cooldown 10 min abs 15 min strength training (mostly arms) My setting was 15 for 1/3 the time and 16 2/3 the time Avg pace: between 6-8:00, avg BPM: 175-200 Cooled down on 16 backwards, then 15, 14, and 13 forwards

5/1/17 exercise log: 45+ min elliptical + 5 min warmup + 10+ cooldown Average: setting 15, pace 6-7 min, HR 175-200 Cool down on: setting 14, backwards for half, then descending from 14 forwards Going to try to do 10 min of abs but strength training tomorrow Calorie goal: 1000 Going to log it here and in my journal I've been eating 12am but not later, which is better.. I also notice not being very hungry, which is a step in the right direction. Tonight the next step is to recognize that, choose propel instead, and get back in bed!

4/28/17 exercise log: 60+ min swim + 5 min warmup 10 min abs 53s, 54, 53s 49 48 47 47 47 47 49 50.5 49 49 Kick: all 23, last on was 24 Kick: think of tightening your core as a mechanism for stabilizing strong kicks (hip twists)... like cocking a gun or securing a cork with a corkscrew Fastest I've been in a while! My focus was on having strong kicks, a tight core, my chest and head forward and not twisting, while my hips twisted, and yarns just facilitated that

4/24/17 exercise log: 60 min swim + 5 min warmup (breast stroke adds extra time) 30 min strength training / abs Started at 56, then shot down to 50 and 49 (and 48) for all my laps except the 20th. Avg: 50, low: 48 I focus on my kick, abs, reaching my torso forward, twisting my hips, and using my arms to add power to my legs Calorie goal: 800-1000 April Grind

4/14/17 exercise log: 60 min swim + 5 min warmup Breast stroke just makes it slower 35 min strength training 56... 54... 52... 51, 50... 53, 54, 53, 53 Low: 50 & 52 Avg: 53 Getting faster! Although I think I need to stick to abs and no strength training or super low weights until my back is 100% My plan today is to eat as close to 800 cal as possible because I have had a gain week and I'm ready to turn it around. I have 2 weeks till May. Let's do this.