#vibraslap

I cannot play an instrument but I want to help!

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Recorded live at Lodge Room on Sunday May 26, 2024

TRUMPET - Sean Billings

BARITONE SAXOPHONE - Sylvain Carton

ALTO SAXOPHONE - Alex Budman

TENOR SAXOPHONE - James Eason

TROMBONE - Richard Velzen

GUITAR - Davin Ghivan

KEYBOARD - Adam Blau

PEDAL STEEL GUITAR - Stephen Musselman

SOUSAPHONE - Corbin Jones

DRUMS - Darla Hawn

VIBRASLAP - Paul F. Tompkins

when i saw him lose his hand in shibuya, i briefly wondered if he’d find an alternate way to activate his technique. my thoughts went to other forms of body percussion (like snapping, or patting his leg), or to other, more recognizable percussion instruments (finger cymbals, a hand drum, triangle, slapstick, or even just two sticks to hit together). heck, there are a ton of traditional japanese percussion instruments that could’ve fit the bill.

instead, he picks the goofiest fucking instrument possible.

i mean, don’t get me wrong. the vibraslap is a great accessory instrument in the right contexts. it adds just the right color to songs that use it.

but as a former elementary school music teacher, the vibraslap is an instrument that virtually always makes the kids giggle, because out of context, the sound it makes is goofy and totally unexpected! the metal teeth that make the rattling sound are more or less hidden from view, so there’s no way to predict what it’ll sound like if you’ve never heard it before!

and what makes this even funnier to me is that the vibraslap was invented in 1967 as a more durable version of the quijada.

also known as the jawbone.

so todo could’ve even used the original form of the instrument and he would’ve looked 530,000 times more badass

never change, aoi todo

Minor spoilers for chapter 260

Aoi Todo:

You are a gym bro, your favorite song is baby got back and you have several cease and desist letters from various celebrities that you stalk.

First Date:

You were listening to your Takada playlist whilst you did your workout but you heard a noise so loud that it began to overpower your ear buds. You took them out only to realise that another fight broke out. You weren't surprised, after all, testosterone fueled men frequently argued over just about anything. You looked over to see what the fuss was all about. Oh. It's one of the regulars and a particularly annoying one at that. It looks like he was fighting with a new guy. "Why does he look like a gorrila?"

You began to listen to their argument while working out thanks to the wonders of multitasking. "DO YOU EVEN LIFT BRO!?" Not again, you thought. What happened next caught you off guard.

"What's your type?"

"My what!?"

"Type of woman! Now answer my question or I'll beat you to death where you stand!"

You guessed that he wasn't pleased with the answer because the next thing you knew, the other man was punched so hard in the face that he hit the wall and left an indent.

"A person's fetishes reflect everything about them. People with boring taste in women are boring people themselves. And I hate boring men!" He began to walk away and then stopped. "By the way, my type is a tall woman with a big ass!" Shit. You did your best to try and shrink down but it was too late. "My, what is such a cute woman as yourself doing in a place like this?"

You rolled your eyes. "I'm working out, idiot!" You expected him to go away but he seemed amused. "Men are perfect when they're a little dumb." Ugh. "And who exactly said this?" He began to grin and was about to respond when your phone cut him off. Fuck, it was your ringtone. Why now of all times? You looked at the gorrila man and saw that his face was flushed. "Is that Takada chan's new song, jumping?"

The next thing you knew, he was crying and and on his knees. "Please marry me!" You didn't figure this guy to be so into idols. "I don't even know you, pervert!"

"My name is Aoi Todo. Would you lend me your hand in marriage?" Gross. "Ew, no!"

"Will you at least come with me to see Takada's next appearance?" You groaned. "If I do, will you leave me the hell alone after this!?"

Todo then gave you a thumbs up. "I shall stop pursuing you if that is what my BEST FRIEND wishes." What the fuck had you gotten yourself into?

It was a week later and you both met outside the concert venue. "What the hell happened to you?" Todo looked down to his bandaged arm. "Oh, this? Don't worry bro. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to woo Takada chan but then I remembered that even the great Helen Keller completed her mission with a missing limb!"

"... That's not Helen Keller Todo..."

"Wait, it's not? Then who ran across the country with just one leg!?"

"... Terry Fox."

"I don't have time to talk about foxes, we're going to miss Takada!" Todo then pulled your arm and dashed to the crowd. "Shit. The stadiums full. Looks like we'll be watching at the back!" Todo went to adjust his bandages. "I think I have a solution." Next thing you knew and you were transported to the front row. "What did you just do?"

"Don't worry about it." That didn't satisfy you so you grabbed his arm and nearly screamed. "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?" Instead of a hand, there was now a giant wooden instrument. "Ah, that would be my vibraslap." You pulled him down by his uniform collar. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?""Don't worry #####, we as true Takada fans are the exception.""You can't just cheat and skip ahead of everyone! What if we get caught!?"

"The Jetavana Temple Bells ring the passing of all things. Twinned sal trees, white in full flower, declare the great man's ceratin fall. The arrogant do not lotng endure: they are like a dream one night in spring. The bold and brave perish in the end: they are dust before the wind".

You were about to ask him what the fuck he meant but then the lights dimmed. "Hello, everyone! Thank you so much for coming! Taka-Tam beam!" The crowd began to cheer and you could have sworn that Todo had invited you to a boy band performing for teenage girls. As Takada began performing, you heard a "BOOGIE WOOGIE" emit from the crowd.

You didn't know how he did it but Todo was now dancing on stage. The music stopped and Takada was calling for security but he didn't care. He decided to sing in an attempt to court her. "I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE, YOU OTHER BROTHERS CAN'T DENY-" He was then cut off and dragged away by Takada's personal swat team. It turns out that Todo isn't legally allowed to be within 500 feet of her.

Vibraslap manufacturers watching sales skyrocket for no apparent reason:

Yiyir is able to mimic sounds and voices, and recite songs and tales of old in their entirety as how the original teller will have told them, passed down through the centuries.