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I know this is hypocritical, but goddamn. I am so tired of internet cynicism. Yes, everything sucks. I know it, you know it, we all fucking know it. So can we PLEASE allow each other to be positive occasionally? Just a bit. I just want to be able to dream for a little bit without being punched in the face and told yet again that it's all hopeless.
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unfortunate side effect of feeling confident enough to wear my hair in a bun more often is people keep commenting on my "man bun". It's all positive, everyone says it looks good, but... man bun.
it's an enbun, get it right.
Jonesboro, AR
Spur of the moment I decided to brave traffic and drive to the Totality Zone. It was worth it. I knew it would be. I've seen this before. But goddamn did I have to fight myself to go. Anxiety is a bitch and a half, especially at 7 a.m., apparently.
But I am sooooo glad I went. I know it's hard to let myself enjoy the things I love, my hobbies, my interests, anything that gives me joy. I don't know why that is. But it's there, and I'm growing more cognizant of it.
So I just ran with it. Shoes on, teeth brushed, water bottle, go. I didn't even eat, just a red bull and later a poptart. Because I knew if I didn't leave right then I would not go and I literally would not be able to stop crying once I missed it. Too often in my life I let things pass me by because, idfk, I'm anxious that I wouldn't enjoy it enough, or the right way, or something. Perfectionism applied to my own happiness, I fucking hate it. Why can I not just BE‽
But I went. Threw some music on and just watched the (endless, endless) fields go by. It's so weird to experience "a whole vibe" while sober. (that sounds bad) But I'm usually so deep in my thoughts that I can't experience anything in the present. Today was a rare exception to that.
I don't really have a point to this post, I just needed to get some words out of my head that I've been ruminating on all day. I went. I said I would, decided I wouldn't, then decided I would hate myself forever if I didn't go. So I went. It shouldn't be this hard but I'm getting better.
God that all sounds so trite.
The genderqueer urge to explain gender concepts to people who are clearly ignorant about them.
The genderqueer fear of them suspecting you of being genderqueer yourself and becoming hostile.
ONE OF MY BEST GAMING FRIENDS CAME OUT AS TRANS OMGGGGGG
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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A long walk when it's hot feels like an eternal trudge.
A long walk when it's cold feels like an epic quest.
Benefit of being non-binary, I am also eligible to kill the Witchking of Angmar.
oh cool i'm doing that thing again where i immediately start to fall in love with anyone who shows me barest hint of a romantic attraction despite being self-aware enough to know that this is not healthy for me
